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11 Things You Should Never Say To a Caregiver

8. “Don’t feel guilty about…” When you’re a caregiver, “guilt just comes with the territory,” according to Laverty. Caregivers want to fix everything, to solve every problem, to ease every hurt, when the reality is that no one can do it all. When people tell a caregiver not to feel guilty about something, it can make things worse by bringing that guilt to the forefront of their mind.

9. “Let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about something happy and fun.” When it comes to your average small talk scenario, caregivers generally don’t have a lot of “fun” things to contribute. Laverty says that people need to understand that people taking care of an elderly loved one need to talk about what’s going on. Friends and family members of caregivers should take the time to listen to what a caregiver has to say, no matter how ‘unpleasant,’ or ‘unhappy’ it is.

10. “You must be so relieved that it’s over.” When their elderly loved one dies a caregiver is likely to be facing a bunch of mixed up emotions. Relief may be one of those feelings, but Laverty feels that it’s probably not productive to point this out to a person who has just lost a parent, spouse, or sibling. “If you diminish the event, you diminish the life and effort of the caregiver,” she says.

11. “When are you going to get over it (a senior’s death) and move on?” Grief is an individual process. For some people, processing the death of a loved one will take some time. This is particularly true of caregivers, who’ve poured a significant amount of time and energy into taking care of the person who has just passed.

Read More:
How to Sharpen Your People Skills
13 Secrets that Make Caregiving Easier
Why Listening Is the Secret Weapon

11 Things You Should Never Say To a Caregiver originally appeared on AgingCare.com.

Read more: Caregiving, Family, Friendship, Healthy Aging, Life, Relationships, , ,

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86 comments

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4:11AM PDT on Jun 27, 2013

Thanks

10:16AM PDT on Aug 8, 2012

It is good to think of CAREGIVERS. No one knows how difficult it can be, even when caring for someone you love dearly, a parent, a child, a husband or wife. Everyone seems to forget how stressful it is for anyone to be a caregiver.

Those who are CAREGIVERS are a blessing to all.

9:34AM PDT on Aug 4, 2012

Sometimes people just don't know the right thing to see, and I'm sure many well-meaning people have said to themselves, " Open mouth, insert foot!!"

4:10PM PDT on Aug 1, 2012

how does one respond when constantly asked "how is your "relative"?" who is quite elderly, no longer mobile and in a nursing home, and has been for several years...

they are obviously not well...

4:10PM PDT on Aug 1, 2012

how does one respond when constantly asked "how is your "relative"?" who is quite elderly, no longer mobile and in a nursing home, and has been for several years...

they are obviously not well...

4:06PM PDT on Aug 1, 2012

ty

4:06PM PDT on Aug 1, 2012

ty

8:58AM PDT on Jul 31, 2012

Thanks.

4:02AM PDT on Jul 31, 2012

Thanks for the article!

9:39PM PDT on Jul 30, 2012

Caregivers are so needed and all our attention and emotional understanding must be in use, when with one!!

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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