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3 Things Never to Do if You Love Someone

3 Things Never to Do if You Love Someone

I recently read a beautiful thought: “We judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our intentions.” So true! In our own mind, we are often justified in what we say and do, but the truth is, relationships start crumbling when we continue to make mistakes. It is important, every now and then, to stop and introspect. Here is some relationship-repair advice I’ve learned through my own life experiences:

Dont confuse control with caring; Do you want to know everything–or at least most things–about your partner’s day, work, schedules? Do you start pacing, texting or even calling if they are “taking too long” somewhere other than being with you? And when they protest, is your answer often something like, “Oh, I was just worried about you.” If so, sooner or later, the other person is going to start feeling suffocated. Because they care, they might dutifully tell you all about their movements and plans, but such a relationship slowly grows into one among unequals. Of course, your concern could be genuine, but if you let it grow into a pattern, it can be perceived as an urge to control, replacing feelings of love with resentment. For you, here is a positive mantra:

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
―†Khalil Gibran,†The Prophet

Dont give conditionally: So, you are the one your partner turns to in his or her time of need. That is only natural, and a wonderful sign that they feel you are there, no matter what. And of course, you offer your help and support without hesitation. But are you also offering it without condition? While it is only human to have expectations from those to whom we give, sometimes, that expectation can ruin relationships. †I am not talking in terms of monetary returnsóit is the attitude that often changes: I helped you out, so now you owe me more attention, time, caring, even love! But this actually makes the other person feel guilty and implies that they are ungrateful. How much nicer it would be to give and to do only because you care enough. A beautiful mantra for those who tend to get weighed down by expectations:

If someone is facing a difficult time, one of the kindest things you can do for him or her is to say, Im just going to love you through this.
―†Molly Friedenfeld,†The Book of Simple Human Truths

 

Dont overlook the small gestures: It is only too easy to conclude that the other personóbe it your parent, child, spouse or friendódoes not love you. All it takes is a few refusals on their part to give you their time or not saying “those three words” often enough. But it is important to stop before you judge: sometimes, we overlook the little acts of kindness and love that our dear ones show us. It could be something as simple as offering to do the dishes or shovel the snow so you don’t have to. Or making you a cup of tea when your back hurts. Believe you me: they speak of deep caring! Some people are simply made such that they cannot demonstrate their love in words or even by giving you regular doses of hugs and kisses. If you have been equating lack of show with lack of love, here is a gentle reminder:

Hes not perfect. You arent either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isnt going to quote poetry, hes not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Dont hurt him, dont change him, and dont expect for more than he can give.

Bob Marley

 

 

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Shubhra Krishan

Writer, editor and journalist Shubhra Krishan is the author of Essential Ayurveda: What it is and what it can do for you (New World Library, 2003), Radiant Body, Restful Mind: A Woman's book of comfort (New World Library, 2004), and The 9 to 5 Yogi: How to feel like a sage while working like a dog (Hay House India, 2011).

271 comments

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11:34AM PDT on Jul 26, 2015

thx for sharing. =]]

7:04PM PDT on Jul 25, 2015

Great advice.I lov the Bob Marley quote at the end.

7:23PM PDT on Jul 18, 2015

learning to trust and to recognize loving gestures takes time

2:10PM PDT on Jul 17, 2015

good point, Maggie

2:10PM PDT on Jul 17, 2015

thank you

1:32PM PDT on Jul 17, 2015

Hi, I and my ex boyfriend broke up about 7 weeks now. We’ve been together for 4 years. We had so many issues during in our relationship. We got engaged and eventually he changed his mind not to get married soon and told me he doesn’t want kids. It broke my heart. He also told me that culture differences is another problem between us. When we broke up I beg many times. He told he doesn’t want to go back in to our relationship and he wants us to move on. I stayed another 2 weeks with him while I am looking for a new place. we had sex a couple times. He told me he just want us stay as friends.
When I moved out, he didn’t txt or call but when we each other we are fine talking like a friend. Is there anyway that i can win him back? that was the question i asked my sister and she told me he have had an encouter with the famous love doctor and i contacted him and he prayed for my relationship and my boyfriend came back to me and my relationship was restored and now we will be getting married soon. Please get to know him and ask for his help on (prayerstosaverelationship@yahoo.com). The love doctor is the best and will help you :)

7:39PM PDT on Jul 15, 2015

And, for the young ones, "No boy is worth crying over and the one who is, won't make you cry." Thanks for sharing.

9:37PM PDT on Jul 14, 2015

thank you these are very important tips.

5:27PM PDT on Jul 13, 2015

thank you

12:43AM PDT on Jul 11, 2015

thanks

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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