3 Things Never to Do if You Love Someone

I recently read a beautiful thought: “We judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our intentions.” So true! In our own mind, we are often justified in what we say and do, but the truth is, relationships start crumbling when we continue to make mistakes. It is important, every now and then, to stop and introspect. Here is some relationship-repair advice I’ve learned through my own life experiences:

Dont confuse control with caring; Do you want to know everything–or at least most things–about your partner’s day, work, schedules? Do you start pacing, texting or even calling if they are “taking too long” somewhere other than being with you? And when they protest, is your answer often something like, “Oh, I was just worried about you.” If so, sooner or later, the other person is going to start feeling suffocated. Because they care, they might dutifully tell you all about their movements and plans, but such a relationship slowly grows into one among unequals. Of course, your concern could be genuine, but if you let it grow into a pattern, it can be perceived as an urge to control, replacing feelings of love with resentment. For you, here is a positive mantra:

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
―†Khalil Gibran,†The Prophet

Dont give conditionally: So, you are the one your partner turns to in his or her time of need. That is only natural, and a wonderful sign that they feel you are there, no matter what. And of course, you offer your help and support without hesitation. But are you also offering it without condition? While it is only human to have expectations from those to whom we give, sometimes, that expectation can ruin relationships. †I am not talking in terms of monetary returnsóit is the attitude that often changes: I helped you out, so now you owe me more attention, time, caring, even love! But this actually makes the other person feel guilty and implies that they are ungrateful. How much nicer it would be to give and to do only because you care enough. A beautiful mantra for those who tend to get weighed down by expectations:

If someone is facing a difficult time, one of the kindest things you can do for him or her is to say, Im just going to love you through this.
―†Molly Friedenfeld,†The Book of Simple Human Truths


Dont overlook the small gestures: It is only too easy to conclude that the other personóbe it your parent, child, spouse or friendódoes not love you. All it takes is a few refusals on their part to give you their time or not saying “those three words” often enough. But it is important to stop before you judge: sometimes, we overlook the little acts of kindness and love that our dear ones show us. It could be something as simple as offering to do the dishes or shovel the snow so you don’t have to. Or making you a cup of tea when your back hurts. Believe you me: they speak of deep caring! Some people are simply made such that they cannot demonstrate their love in words or even by giving you regular doses of hugs and kisses. If you have been equating lack of show with lack of love, here is a gentle reminder:

Hes not perfect. You arent either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isnt going to quote poetry, hes not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Dont hurt him, dont change him, and dont expect for more than he can give.

Bob Marley




Mark H.
Mark H.9 months ago

Kristel K.: My mother would always do the "3 things" thing!" You only need 3 things:_, _, and _.", but they'd always be different! "somewhere to go, something to wear, and someone to go with!". But she could do it for ANY occasion or problem! She is gone now, but we still make them up in remembrance. She was a fine person, and example!"

Mark H.
Mark H.9 months ago

Feeling needy? Clingy? Stop it! Create a loving space you are responsible for everywhere you go. You will not feel empty.

Erika Acosta
Erika Acosta9 months ago


Christel K.
Christel K.9 months ago

This is a very selective list of only three rules.
I would have named - as first rule - "Don't ridicule your partner in public" and also "Be respectful to your partner" and then "Don't blame your partner for bad things, especially not when it's not his/her fault" or "Try to make your partner feel loved and important" - I could go on and on, without too much thinking.

How come the author of this article names only three rules???

Karey Materi
Karey Materi9 months ago

thank u.

Elena Poensgen
Elena Poensgen9 months ago

Thank you

Pablo B.
Pablo B.10 months ago


Russell L.
Russell L.10 months ago

This old school relationship advice is outdated and selfish. All another person needs and should give is respect. If you don't respect anyones opinion, don't care about life and love, if you cheat or seek around, you don't care about anyone except yourself. If you put your friend or partner down in public, you don't respect them. This is what our society is becoming more and more. Just look at politics. My opinion is the only one that matters. So we lie and cheat to get our way. We intimidate each other and don't care how we make another feel. We don't even care about the millions of animals lives that we slaughter and consume 3 times a day. We lack respect for anything that requires care and love. Much easer to not care, then nothing matters. I have heard parents say how much they love their kids and then treat them and each other with complete disrespect. But all we honor is talk not fact or science as long as it supports our ego disrespect and uncaring behavior.

Geetha Subramaniam
Geetha Subramaniam10 months ago

Thanks for sharing.

Paulinha Russell
Paulinha Russell10 months ago

Thank you