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4 Love Lessons from My No-Nonsense Feline

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4 Love Lessons from My No-Nonsense Feline

It’s 5:30 AM and I am awakened by the swift moving thud of paws walking over my body to get to my side. Jake is purring like a ’57 Chevy on steroids. As he thumps down next to me with his back up against my stomach, I instantly know what he is up to. He is looking for affection and he wants it bad. His passion is absolute and unremitting. He rubs his nose into my hand like he is transposing my scent into his body by making it somehow his own. He whips his head back when I pet him to magnify the touch of my hand on his head. With supreme trust and total abandon he lays his neck open for me to rub it. It’s the kind of surrender that touches me, an act of total exposure of the most vulnerable area of his body. Sometimes I wonder why he is so attached to me. I am bowled over by his determined openness. I wish we were all more like him. Our world is too often indifferent, even cold. Our relationships quickly become stale if we don’t take an active role to enliven them. So what can we learn from Jake about how to love?

What Jake Has Taught Me About Love:

1. He is unabashed in his ability to express his feelings. When I come home, he makes sure he comes over and rubs up against my leg to say hello. Jake is clear as a bell about his needs. When he wants something, he expresses it; when he doesn’t, he doesn’t try to pretend like he does. He’s honest to a fault. There is something very clean and clear about that. He is undoubtedly a cat, in that he has his schedule and he lets us know when and how he wants to be fed and taken care of. Cats are extremely adept at telegraphing their needs, leaving no doubt whatsoever. So many situations would run more smoothly if we always knew exactly what our partner wanted. How many of us have heard the refrain: “You should just know that about me.” Cats never take that into account. No guessing games with Jake. We often don’t talk about how we feel and what we want. We expect, assume, clam up and withdraw rather than letting it all out.

2. Jake is nothing if not totally exposed. He goes right for it, revealing himself to the core, and making no bones about it. Jake is unabashed in his ardor for me. He is courageous. I believe that love requires courage, and the ability to tell it like it is. We hedge our bets; we slip and slide so we won’t get caught with our proverbial vulnerability showing. We are afraid we will be hurt. My therapist used to say that there is no such thing as a safe life: either we take risks with our feelings or we miss out. He also said that if we want to love hard, we have to work hard. Jake works very hard and loves hard. We can learn from that.

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Read more: Behavior & Communication, Cats, Friendship, Humor & Inspiration, Love, Pets, Relationships, , ,

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Dr. Bill Cloke

Dr. Bill Cloke has worked with individuals and couples for 30 years. He received a masterís degree in education from the University of Southern California and holds a PhD in psychology from California Graduate Institute. A frequent talk-radio and TV psychologist, he is also a contributor to and other popular websites and has lectured at UCLA. Bill Cloke lives with his wife in Los Angeles. To learn more about Bill Cloke, and for more resources on creating healthy, happy relationships, visit


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7:32PM PDT on Nov 2, 2012

Love it. Thank you.

7:21AM PDT on Oct 2, 2012

great story

5:25AM PDT on Sep 26, 2012

great article, thanks for sharing :)

10:51AM PDT on Sep 25, 2012

Makes a lot of sense.

11:16PM PDT on Sep 22, 2012

I agree with you and Quinton there, I loved the part "It’s not hard to understand why some people become animal people. They have given up on humans as a source of affection and love." It's what happened to me years ago. I can't understand people nor can they understand me, but animals and I understand and love each other.

They say people love is unconditional, and I say what the hell. Everyone's love is conditional. If you don't love you are not loved. People thinks too highly of themselves and forgot the nature. My late hamster Zephyr brought the nature back to me, and the love I was missing. Back then he and my other animal families are the only friends I had. When I cut off my connections with the human world for a while, I felt truly alive.

And animals are always so honest to me, it was a great cure because I was tired of the lies people kept telling me. In such a complex world, I missed the simplicity. Animals can remain so simple I envy them sometimes.

This is such a well-written story, Dr. Cloke. Thank you.

9:34PM PDT on Sep 22, 2012

Cats rule.

8:57PM PDT on Sep 22, 2012

Cats are the best!

8:50PM PDT on Sep 22, 2012

If you want to know what love really is get a cat or a dog. Too many humans have their own agendas. Animals have only you.

8:00PM PDT on Sep 22, 2012

Thanks Dr. Cloke for this very introspective article. Lessons we all should learn and practice.

2:53PM PDT on Sep 22, 2012

part 2 : Human love comes from a store you have to send money or have a lot's of it drive a nice car have a nice big house wear the best rags have the latest I-thing to get human love. =^..^= have you taken in a stray today.

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