It’s been well documented that married people have sex more often than single people do. But it’s not always great sex. Build strong bonds, and better sex will follow
By Elizabeth Svoboda, Men’s Health
If you’re looking to recapture the manic sexual frenzy of your first months together, fuzzy handcuffs and herbal supplements just won’t cut it. In fact, you’ll probably feel just as stymied as you did before you tried to amp up the action, says Sandra Scantling, Psy.D., a certified sex therapist. “People think lust is a prerequisite for having great sex, but it’s just one biological piece of attraction,” she cautions.
So what will elevate the ecstasy? Simply being up close and personal, in the share-nearly-anything, build-rock-solid-trust sense. “Comfort is the best aphrodisiac,” Scantling says. “It’s about the lasting experience of connection.” Dive into this guide to keeping your physical and emotional bonds strong, and you’ll never fear stumbling into a long-term sex rut.
1. Track the good times
One way to combat the common trap of long-term boredom is to make sure you’re always using your baseline affection as a springboard for exploration and adventure. In a recent University of North Carolina study, people who felt that their partners appreciated them expressed more satisfaction with their relationship. “The key is to cultivate a ‘beginner’s mind’ and look at each other from a fresh perspective,” Scantling says.
Your move: Make a list of five to 10 qualities you admire most in your partner. Then, each time you notice one of those qualities in her behavior, let her know how much you value it. As she senses your efforts at showing appreciation, she’ll likely respond in kind-and both of you will be happier for it.
Another strategy: Start using that vast backlog of digital photos you’ve been taking and collaborate on a photo album. Do it old-school, printed-picture-style, in a way that memorializes the funniest and best times you’ve had together. Doris Bazzini, Ph.D., of Appalachian State University, found that couples who laughed and reminisced about good times were more likely to feel more satisfied with their relationship.