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5 Easy Ways to Achieve Orgasm

5 Easy Ways to Achieve Orgasm

“Arousal begins within the mind, then seeps out where fantasy propels physicality.” -Kristie LeVangie


The ability to orgasm remains one of the most coveted, yet misunderstood human experiences there is- partly because we wrongly believe that it is an experience of the genitals, when in fact our ability to climax reverberates throughout the body and initiates deep in the brain. So, here I present to you a user-friendly guide to the order of operations that, with a unique blend of practice and letting go, will move most everybody from arousal to orgasm.

1. Orgasm begins with arousal, not desire.

Give up the idea that you need desire to begin your sexual experiences. The truth is that waking up your arousal mechanism in the limbic area of the brain where our olfactory bulb intersects with our emotional processing, our memory and our sexuality is the key. All the great lovers throughout history depended on their sense of smell to trigger their sexual impulses. Consider Josephine who didn’t wash for a week at Napoleon’s request. Notice what scents turn you on and surround yourself with them in proximity to your bedroom. I always advocate for essential scents that are derived from the source because they actually change your brain chemistry, but hey, if Axe gel is your thing, go for it.

2. Arousal loves lubricant.

Early in life, the link between genital secretions and arousal could surprise us. Tapping into this deep association by applying healthy moisture is amazingly erotic. For that matter, slathering healthy oil on almost any body part will make it feel sexier. There is little that compares with the smooth glide of a hand over a well oiled hip, belly, or interior leg to awaken a natural arousal that lives in all of us. Likewise, the use of a healthy, clean lubricant, which mimics your own natural wetness will kick start the brain’s arousal mechanism in moments. This is particularly useful for the millions of women who do not have strong lubricating responses due to any number of conditions. Remembering what the body already knows is a direct path to arousal.  Find something that works for you and use it generously.

3. Breath expresses arousal.

Our arousal mechanism’s voice is our breath. There is little that will bring as much fire and focus to your sexual experience than adding the gift of your attention on your breathing while you touch someone you love. Notice whether your breathing pattern is short and fast or long and slow and try changing it to see what it does to your arousal. Experiment with the ancient tantric practice of synchronizing your breathing with someone else and encounter how deep connection can become a sure path to orgasmic pleasure.

4. Arousal needs motion.

Bodies are built for motion, and this is illustrated greatly in the dance of arousal. Although this might seem like stating the obvious, many people’s sexual anxiety freezes them into a single position. Feel for how arousal can move through your entire body and don’t content yourself with the standard hip thrusts as sexual motion. Erogenous zones that speak the arousal language can be discovered at the nape of a neck, an inner thigh, mid back. If you have no other inspiration than this, add some core strengthening to your daily routines and experience the orgasmic potential of holding onto your lover from the inside. Keeping arousal moving is very sexy.

5. Arousal flourishes with fantasy.

Being willing to witness the fantasies that surface in your mind during arousal by yourself or with someone else can add a healthy juice to your arousal mechanism. Many people are afraid of the strange, fantastical thoughts that arousal evokes and spend a lot of energy trying to shut them down. Mostly, that kills the presence you have in the moment and turns arousal off in favor of anxiety, which cannot coexist with pleasure in your brain. Witnessing your own fantasy life does not require that you share it or act it out. Getting comfortable with your own internal fantasies is a powerful and regenerating nourishment for the arousal mechanism.

One final note: extending the space between arousal and orgasm is the art of lovemaking — so don’t be in a rush. The longer you get to know arousal, the sweeter and more powerful is the release.

Read more: Love, Making Love Sustainable, Relationships, Sex, Sexual Health, , , , , , , ,

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


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11:00AM PDT on Jul 22, 2014

if it ain't filthy you're not doing it right!

1:44AM PDT on Jul 21, 2014


12:36PM PDT on Jul 1, 2014

All of these points make sense to me, if only I had the opportunity to experiment more frequently.

7:43AM PDT on Jun 28, 2014

Good article -thank you for sharing

6:05AM PDT on Jun 28, 2014

Thank you for emphasizing the psychological, which is so important in love and desire

4:03PM PDT on Jun 17, 2014

Splendid advice. Needless to say, I enjoyed reading this.

Sharing fantasies with a lover is a vital part of my turn on. Neither of us may want to do the fantasy, it is the sharing of the fantasy that is the turn on for both of us......another dramatic way to be truly intimate.

4:20AM PDT on Jun 15, 2014

I should have clarified that better - in bonobos as with most apes, the female area changes color to indicate fertile time - yet, they have sex virtually all the time, not just during special color time - it serves MANY purposes besides procreation - if apes know this, why don't humans? who is supposed to be up the evolutionary scale and who really is?

11:06AM PDT on Jun 14, 2014

Oumar , you do not know what you are missing out !!!

2:27AM PDT on Jun 14, 2014

Agreed, Maureen H. I am not sure what Oumar R means when he says: " should be overrated because it does not get you pregnant."

Well, it will never get a man pregnant unless one is a seahorse, the female transfers her eggs over to him so that he can give birth. That experience would be interesting to transfer over to humans so that once in a while men can experience the process of birth. That would be most intriguing indeed.

Getting pregnant each time that one has sex would be highly overrated, it would not be very healthy either. Some in the Quiverfull Movement believe in that and think highly of having 19 children. There is a novel by Margaret Atwood called "The Handmaid's Tale," where the sole function in life of women is to become pregnant.

There are some religions that believe having sex without procreation in mind is some form of sin, but most people tend view sex as something entirely natural, positive, which includes having orgasms.

1:01AM PDT on Jun 14, 2014

Oumar, your comment is strange. Unless you know of another method, the ONLY cause of pregnancy is sex. But if what you are saying is that sex NOT for procreation is unimportant, then that too is strange, as sex is a great stress reliever, headache remedy, and good aerobic exercise, among other benefits.

In the bonobo, as with most apes, female areas change color to indicate this. If sex were only for procreation, why do they have sex virtually all the time? Why not only during special color time?

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