When you begin to get into the habit of consciously and carefully examining your old interpretations in this way, you create a space for spontaneous moments of freedom. These five steps might carry you into this line of reasoning:
1. I feel hurt, but that doesn’t mean the other person was bad or meat to hurt me. There’s always another side to the story, despite my hurt.
2. I’ve been hurt like this before, and therefore maybe I was too quick to judge this incident. I need to see each thing as it is.
3. I don’t need to see myself as a victim here. When was the last time I was on the other side of the same situation? Didn’t I feel pretty caught up in my own motives?
4. Let me forget my feelings for a second. How did that other person feel? Perhaps he just lost control or was too wrapped up in his own world to notice my hurt.
5. This incident can help me. I don’t really care about blaming this person or getting back. I want to find out the kinds of things that create threat in me.