5 Ways to Handle an Elderly Parent's Bad Behavior

By Marlo Sollitto, AgingCare.com contributing editor

“My mother is driving me crazy!” This phrase is uttered (or screamed) by caregivers everywhere who are caring for elderly parents. As if they didn’t have enough to do, caregivers often have to deal with bad behavior by their elderly parents. The AgingCare.com message boards are filled with stories of demanding elderly parents, personality changes, hallucinations, temper tantrums…even abuse. We’ve compiled the top 10 bad behaviors that elderly parents exhibit, along with some tips for coping with them.

Bad Behavior #1: Rage, Anger, Yelling

Age and illness can intensify longstanding personality traits in some unpleasant ways: An irritable person may become enraged, an impatient person demanding and impossible to please. Unfortunately, the person taking care of the elderly parent is often the target.

What to do:

Try to identify the cause of the anger. In most elderly individuals, behaviors are a symptom of distress.

The aging process in and of itself sometimes brings about anger, as seniors vent frustration about getting old, having chronic pain, losing friends, having memory issues, being incontinent – all of the undignified things that can happen to us as we age.

In addition, Alzheimer’s disease and dementia can also cause these behaviors, in which case, your parent doesn’t have control.

How to handle anger and rage in elderly parents

As a caregiver, the best thing you can do is not take it personally. Focus on the positive, ignore the negative, and take a break from caregiving when you can by finding some respite. Get some fresh air, do something you love or call a friend.

You might also want to consider calling in a home health nurse. Elders often reserve their worst behavior for those they are closest to, i.e. family members. The bad behavior might not surface in front of a stranger. And you get a much-need break.

How to Handle an Elderly Parent’s Bad Behavior originally appeared on AgingCare.com. Visit AgingCare.com for more information on caregiving support, senior living, and elder care.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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heather g.

6:13PM PST on Jan 27, 2012

I forwarded this to our Snrs Co-ord. after two verbal and physical assaults on me last year. I truly believed the perpetrator had been caringly spoken to, perhaps asked whether she considered her Dr's, or mental health counsellor's help. She was told to avoid me. Last week another explosive outburst occurred, another food missile was thrown, a person intervening pushed against a door and then more screaming of verbal threats at me to GetOut and furiously pushing me. This time the Admin witnessed the event and steered her away.
This woman has never apologised for her behaviour. The 3rd police report was made. I asked whether authoroties had explained the seriousness of a record of 3 assaults against her. I fail to understand their reluctance to act, when these incidents have upset everyone and scared me to the point of shaking like a leaf for hours. I've also learnt that it doesn't always take two people to start a fight.
I thought staff working with snrs. needed to have proper training. I'm reluctant to arrange a restraining order against her - because she doesn't respect any authority. If she agrees, I'll try 'dispute resolution' because at least the police are trained, but she may not want to participate.
This article is good because it has recommended actions. What I have learnt is that things only get worse if disputes are not professionally dealt with. They cannot be swept under the carpet, as has happened in this case.