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5 Ways to Rebuild Trust After It’s Broken

1. Coming clean does work—but not completely clean. Denial only leads to more distrust, so the truth has to come out along with the willingness to take responsibility for your actions. However, detailed truth can sometimes make the hurt even worse and compound the pain, and therefore the healing process. Couples can spend tons of time on details while losing the thread of what needs to be done to correct the misconduct.

2. Being defensive, righteous or casual about the problem never works. There must be a sincere effort to work out the issues, or the wall will never come down. The angrier you are, the less you are able to hear what the aggrieved one has to say, and the worse what they feel will get.

3. Talk about what made you do it. Opening up about your own struggle, the need to get help, and the awareness of what got you there in the first place will help to prevent further infractions. If there is a sexual addiction problem, you must be willing to attend SA (sexual addiction) meetings or do what is necessary to make it better. If there is loneliness in the marriage, take the initiative to make an appointment with a counselor. Talking about your feelings of alienation is the best way to connect again.

4. Be an open book. That means open your cell phone, email, and appointment book for a period of time. This is usually the hardest part, because any person who has lived that clandestine underground life of secrecy likes it that way. They feel entitled to privacy, and they become righteous and indignant. At this point, you will need to take a moment and ask yourself what is really important: your relationship or your privacy? It really comes down to that.

5. Renew your vows. Whether married or not, there is a need to discuss values about living life and what that entails. This may be the most important part of the process. Take time to talk about what you want, what got you into this mess, and what needs to happen moving forward. Write it all down and make a ceremony out of it. Invite your friends and family. Tell the world what you are going to do and mean it.

For Laurie and Frank, it was too late. Frank had gone too far, with too many areas to correct what had gone wrong. Had they talked about it sooner, there may have been a reckoning, but too much water had gone under their relationship to make it work. I think Frank did learn a tremendous amount about how to live with another person and about who he wanted to be. For Laurie, the wounds were deep and it will take time for her to trust anyone again. A word here to all those people out there who are contemplating something strange: there are a lot of people who are hurt by the actions of destroying trust.

Renewing trust is not just a decision—it’s a lifestyle change. It’s about coming home to yourself and your mate, and making it work. Keeping a relationship clear and open is a valuable process. When we lie, cheat, steal and do bad things to ourselves or others, we pay the ultimate price, and we lose what is most precious to us. If you need help, get it. If you need a change, then make it. Creating trust is a big deal, so treat it that way. There are many facets and turns in this very delicate and daunting process of trust. If it’s not dealt with properly, then it will torch your relationship until what remains are ashes and regret. If you can look at the restoring of trust as a learning process that will hopefully bring with it greater intimacy and love, then go ahead on. If not, then make other plans.

 

 

Related:
5 Kinds Of Trust Married Couples Need
Do You Snoop Through Your Partner’s Phone?
The Cost of Infidelity

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Dr. Bill Cloke

Dr. Bill Cloke has worked with individuals and couples for 30 years. He received a master’s degree in education from the University of Southern California and holds a PhD in psychology from California Graduate Institute. A frequent talk-radio and TV psychologist, he is also a contributor to PsychologyToday.com and other popular websites and has lectured at UCLA. Bill Cloke lives with his wife in Los Angeles. To learn more about Bill Cloke, and for more resources on creating healthy, happy relationships, visit happytogetherbook.com.

263 comments

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12:15PM PST on Mar 3, 2015

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5:21PM PST on Jan 8, 2015

I'd sure like to know Why spam that has been flagged still have active profiles?? Care2 just leaves them because they want to keep their member numbers up??

2:21AM PST on Jan 8, 2015

am from Australia with this tears joy and happiness in my heart i want to say thanks to this great man DR EHIAGHE of ehiaghespellhome@gmail.com for what him has done for me , This is my story i was 24 years old when i married my husband and we were both living together happily no fighting . but i was not comfortable with this marriage because after 4 years of our married i have not be able to give my husband a child doctors reveal we are capable of bearing children but we have no child to call ourchild so i was worry thinking of what to do so i can be able to give birth. inside all my thinking for a solution for my problems my husbands families came and they accuse me for been a barring women so i have to leave their son alone so i was been push out of my husband house so i went crying looking for a solution to my problems because i love my husband very much and don’t want to loose to another woman so all my mind think is him so i cry all nite to get back with him . one Friday evening when browsing i came across a testimony shared by miss Viviana how this DR EHIAGHE helped her solved a similar problems so i decided to contact this man about my own problems and to my best surprise he also help me out and to day am happy not only because am with the man i loved but still because of i now have a child of my own .so for all this help from you DR EHIAGHE of ehiaghespellhome@gmail.com i want to say thank you once again so friends if you know you are into such or any kind of pr

6:27AM PST on Jan 7, 2015

The sad thing is, this is the second time I've gone through & flagged these ...

6:24AM PST on Jan 7, 2015

This comment section seems lost to us who would like to comment on the actual article

8:20PM PST on Dec 28, 2014

Somebody has spellcasting on autopilot!

1:07AM PDT on Oct 18, 2014

Hello
I am ROBERTSON ANGELIA from CALIFORNIA, When I eventually found testimonies about this spell caster DR.IYAYI, how he helped many people to get their lovers and broken homes back, i contacted him through his email address driyayilovespellhome@gmail.com because I was absolutely desperate to get my husband back. Life without my husband was a real mess for me and my two kids. i wanted a dramatic change and I thought magic could be the solution. i believe he is the best spell caster i can count on when it comes to all kinds of spell, I was floored that his spells worked, if you need help, contact him via email: driyayilovespellhome@gmail.com, or contact him through his website address: http://driyayilovespellhome.webs.com
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6:22PM PDT on Sep 8, 2014

HELLO,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I
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last month, But when i met the Prophet Suleman the great messenger to the
oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Prophet Suleman about how my
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only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting
my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After
it was been done,In the next 12 hours,My love called me on the phone and
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director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the
entire world to contact Prophet Suleman through his email
prophetsuleman@gmail.com

4:39AM PDT on Aug 7, 2014

HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK!!! i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Dr Lawrence for bringing back my husband who left i and the kids for almost two months. i am very much grateful to Dr Lawrence . I pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can reach him on his email address:drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com or call his mobile +2348143988536

8:57PM PDT on Jul 1, 2014

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