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7 Tips for Resolving Conflicts

7 Tips for Resolving Conflicts

Many of us dread conflict. We wish we could all just get along.

Life, however, has other ideas for us. Everyone is here to be their true selves, have their own opinions, likes, dislikes etc. How boring things would be if we all agreed on everything all the time. Where would our creativity be needed?

The exciting thing about conflict is that it forces us to expand into a greater creative expression of ourselves. Every time I have found the courage to call someone to task and have a discussion about our conflicting opinions, good things have happened. It doesn’t mean I always get my way, but I do put myself in a position to express my opinion, speak my truth, and listen to their side. Then I have a CHOICE: find an agreement, or walk away from the relationship/situation. And, importantly, I feel good about myself, that I have made every effort to find a resolution.

If we don’t speak up, we are sitting on an energy of resentment, fear, or frustration which can lead, later on, to unconscious expressions of that same energy which will probably not have good outcomes.

Conflict is not inevitable. Conflicts are created by people and people can choose to end them. This cannot happen if the parties are set on victory instead of compromise, or if they prioritize self-centered interest over the highest good of everyone concerned.

When the willingness to be available for discussion exists, there is no conflict that cannot be resolved.

If conflict is rooted in an “us” and “them,” or “me” and “you,” approach, then peace-building is precisely the opposite. We have to get past the adversarial mind-set, and involve everyone concerned in addressing the common challenges, listening to other points of view, and seeing where we can meet, with an emphasis on what we DO agree on, and not on what we don’t agree on.

When the focus is on what we all want, and not on what we don’t want, there is a higher possibility of success.

Our personal histories are all, in one way or another, shaped by the legacies of conflict. But as profound and deep-rooted as our differences may be, it is in our power to redefine those legacies, and, in so doing, redefine ourselves. Wherever we live in the world, we must recognize that peace is not something you can win; it is something that has to be built and shared.

Here are 7 suggestions for conflict resolution:

1. Start with the points you all agree on. This sets a positive foundation of agreement to build upon.

2. Can you all agree that the outcome you want is for the highest good of everyone concerned?

3. Are you willing, if necessary, to set aside your personal interests for the highest good of everyone concerned?

4. Can you allow yourself to admit you are wrong? And/or admit that you hadn’t seen the situation from the other person’s point of view?

5. Are you speaking from wisdom or from self-centered ego?

6. Do you want to be right, or be happy?

7. Before starting a conflict resolution do one of the following meditations, either alone or with the other people, to release tensions and emotional charge, and to help bring your wisest self to the table. The more you are at peace within yourself, the more likely you are to manifest a positive outcome.

Laughter Expressive Meditation – Two Minutes
Step One: Laugh for no reason (one minute)
Step Two: Sit in silence (one minute)
After releasing stress and tensions with laughter, you experience joy, oneness, and creativity.
You can do this for longer than two minutes; just be sure and do an equal amount of time for each step.

Gibberish Expressive Meditation – Two Minutes
Step One: Gibberish (one minute)
Step Two: Sit in Silence (one minute)
Express your frustrations, resentments and tensions in the gibberish. You then find it much easier and quicker to drop down into a state of inner peace, clarity, and wisdom

Setting an Intention Meditation – Two Minutes
Set the intention that you want the outcome of your discussion to be for the highest good of everyone concerned. Sit silently, eyes closed, relaxing into acceptance of what is, with compassion for yourself and everyone involved.

I look forward to your comments below.

And Join my Laughing Buddhas Network – it’s FREE!

 

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Pragito Dove

Pragito Dove is a master trainer, international speaker, and meditation expert who teaches people how to transform pain and fear into joy and inner peace in order to achieve real world success. A best-selling author and  thought leader on visionary thinking, she is dedicated to re-igniting passion and vision in people's lives, and making abundance accessible to all. Pragito is a featured blogger on www.huffingtonpost.com/livingwww.intent.com and www.vividlife.me

48 comments

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10:47AM PST on Nov 30, 2013

ty

10:23AM PST on Nov 30, 2013

Lovely story. Each person is a unique member of society, and finding perfect balance between ego (what makes one individual) and love (what is universal) is a matter of trail and error, hence conflict. Thanks for saying that conflict is not a product of being 'unspiritual'.

2:56AM PDT on Oct 13, 2013

Thank you :)

8:05AM PDT on Sep 30, 2013

Thanks for sharing!

2:35PM PDT on Sep 21, 2013

thanks

2:34PM PDT on Sep 21, 2013

thanks for the good advice. I try to keep myself balanced by listening to meditation cd's and praying. I'm one of those who learned to over-apologize, so I try to sit on more than 2 apologies. when I'm around someone who goes ballistic at nothing, I'm trying to learn that I can only change myself and, if they are determined not to compromise, I just try to breathe through my time around them. then I pick up certain meditation cd's. I can understand this wouldn't work for some people, but I have limited control in certain situations.

10:32AM PDT on Sep 16, 2013

Thank you to each one of you for your comments and feedback. I appreciate you. Sending you all much love and light, Pragito

6:18PM PDT on Sep 15, 2013

Good article. i love resolution and always ready for it. It does take 2 and that's where it gets really tough. I do not ever believe in going to sleep mad at your partner or child or anyone you are in a disagreement with.

That's me..... Although many need a few hours to a night to calm down. I do not calm down and I wont go to sleep until resolved. Probably an issue with me and i do know why too.

Even with my son we would never and could not go to sleep if there was a problem. he was just like me with that. He sent me a song with lyrics from his computer and the words were perfect/incredible. We never ever slept until resolved. We would both cry . There is a reason in both our lives why we were like that.

6:10PM PDT on Sep 15, 2013

Always stay true to yourself. Thanks

8:43PM PDT on Sep 14, 2013

Sound advice, thanks for the reminders.

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