Are You Real in Relationships?

The number one rule of conscious relationships is to be real. But how real are we? Do you tell the truth at all times? It can be sometimes difficult to be authentic, but it is impossible to have genuine love in your life unless you are.

Here is some good advice from two famous couples’ counselors to help us become more real in relationships:

If you tell the truth at all times, you will have clear relationships with everyone. If you do not, things will get out of control very quickly. To get back in the flow of harmony, all you have to do is look to see where you stopped telling the truth to yourself for someone else, and fix it by telling the truth.

In other words, if you are driving down the highway and your car starts shimmying, look for the wheel that is out of alignment, and straighten it out. It does not take much of a misalignment to begin to shimmy, especially if you are whizzing along at a rapid clip. Many people, though, make the mistake of dealing with the shimmy by turning up the radio, in hopes that the passengers will not notice the real problem. Sometimes it works for awhile, but eventually the truth comes out.

So, if your life stops working, look for a simple truth you “forgot” to tell. Sometimes is it’s a truth you are trying to hide from yourself, and sometimes it is a truth you are trying to hide from others. If you look underneath the major mess in anyone’s life, you will usually find a truth that did not get told.

Almost everybody has a few things they have not come clean about–things that would restore integrity to their lives if they owned up to them. Most of the truths that we need to tell are simple truths, but getting to the simple truth is not always simple. The first step to begin this healing process is to make a commitment to being absolutely honest with yourself and everyone around you. Begin by cultivating the skill of saying simple but authentic things like “I am sad” and “I am angry” and “I would rather not do that.”

In conscious relationships, absolute authenticity is required. If you do not tell the truth, you forfeit your right to genuine love. If maintaining complete honesty has been a problem for you in the past, one of the best ways to begin the process of becoming authentic is to look back over your life and see if you can find patterns that reveal something of your perceived need to be dishonest with yourself and others.

Make a list of subjects or situations where you traditionally have had difficulty maintaining honesty. What is something that you have not told he truth about in you life? What is something that you have difficulty speaking authentically about with others? Any consistent themes usually indicate areas in which you feel embarrassment and/or shame. These are often areas that need your unconditional love and acceptance.

An extra benefit to this process of becoming completely honest is that many of the areas that we feel the need to overcompensate for or to hide from others are the very kinds of admissions that bring us closer to others.

Adapted from Attracting Genuine Love, by Drs. Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks (Sounds True, 2004). Copyright (c) 2004 by Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks. Reprinted by permission of Sounds True.
Adapted from Attracting Genuine Love, by Drs. Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks (Sounds True, 2004).


Thomas P.
Thomas P4 years ago


Siti R.
Siti R4 years ago

noted and thanks!

Samantha Shira
Samantha Shira5 years ago

thanks for posting the article(:

Ebba S.
Ebba S5 years ago

Thanks for the article :)

Siti R.
Siti R5 years ago

next best thing to honesty is letting your intuition speak; that inner voice. we cannot fool ourselves, it is a very costly experience that we can't reclaim time and space. when it is gone, it is gone! being sincere with others as regard to your level of comfort, tolerance and boundaries; how you see yourself saves us a lot of hurt.

Rosie Lopez
Rosie Lopez5 years ago

thanks for sharing

Michele Wilkinson

Thank you

Ann M.
Ann M5 years ago

P.S. I didn't lose friends because I said something about them. I lost them because when I became totally honest about my past (thought we were having friend-to-friend talk) and situations that brought me to where/who I am now, they stopped calling, coming by or inviting me over, like I had a disease. So, now I just allow people to see the veneer.

Ann M.
Ann M5 years ago

Complete honesty? with a man? Good luck with that!
Tell that large person they made a poor choice in that outfit?
You can be honest, but I'll bet you lose some so-called friends. I have.

Derp Herpington
.5 years ago

I'm a total #$!?. So yes. Honesty the best policy because lies undermine the effective communication relationships are supposed to be based on. No effective communication = no relationship. Plus honesty is far more funny. :3