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Are Your Secrets Keeping You Stuck?

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Are Your Secrets Keeping You Stuck?

I’m a lesbian. I have not one but two ex-husbands. I am 50 pounds overweight (down from 60, so that’s something). I’m fine with the Jesus thing but I’d rather hug a tree. And right now, I’m writing this article instead of doing the dishes piled up in my kitchen from yesterday and the floors and bathrooms look like a bunch of cats and teenagers live here without parental influence (It’s nothing I couldn’t fix with an hour or so but still).

So there, you know some scandalous stuff about me and now, you know the truth… we both have stuff that would be tempting to keep secret.

I didn’t share it because I necessarily care if you know all there is to know about me, although I don’t mind if you do. I did it because… well, I’m watching secrets destroy people every day and I think that shame is a stupid way to go down.

In September, I started a clutter clearing program for people who are sick of being stuck and ready to make a change. The first step was to take pictures of their space and send them to me. I wasn’t sharing them. I received so many pictures that I could never tell them apart or mentally pair them with the people who were participating in the group calls or checking in on the website every day. No way. It didn’t serve me at all.

It wasn’t for me.

The picture taking was a wake-up call for them. We see our stuff, for better or worse, differently live than in an image. We need to pause for a moment to see where we are beginning to really appreciate the journey. More importantly, in sending them to me, they exposed themselves in a brand new way. They let the cat out of the bag. They told the thing they never tell. They let someone into the space that, for many of us, hurts the most.

Many of these wonderful people told me that it had been years since anyone saw some of these spaces, and a couple admitted that years had passed since anyone was allowed to come into their home. One woman threatened harm, at least partly jokingly, if I ever showed anyone the pictures she emailed me. This is personal.

Taking the pictures is a huge step but sharing them with someone else is epic.

Telling your secret is a freeing move… sometimes even life saving.

Continued: The reasons that sharing means freedom.

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Read more: Depression, Health, Mental Wellness, Self-Help, Spirit, Stress, Uncategorized, , , , , ,

have you shared this story yet?

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Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.


+ add your own
9:46AM PDT on Apr 3, 2012


4:40AM PDT on Mar 19, 2012

Thank you

2:05PM PDT on Mar 17, 2012


8:16PM PST on Feb 9, 2012

Thanks for the love and compassion! Shame, no matter what it comes from, can cripple you.
Thanks for letting people know that it's ok to ask for help.

8:06PM PST on Feb 9, 2012

Sorry - got cut off.

And, no, it's not happening too quickly. We've both been waiting for this (and losing hope that it exists) all our lives ... why wait any longer. We've reached a place together, already, that most people don't achieve in a lifetime of being married. We've both come home!!!

8:03PM PST on Feb 9, 2012

I don't know if anyone remembers a previous post of mine to another of Christy's "Sick of Being Stuck articles but, just before Christmas, I finally managed to achieve the de-cluttering I started many years ago and put my house on the market on the Wed evening - before noon of Thu the house was under offer and the buyer said the house looked the way she wanted to live ... (and Thank You for all the congratulations that were sent my way, they were truly appreciated).

I finally got to invite someone round to a pre-Christmas dinner on Fri 23rd Dec - a man I'd known (and been interested in) for 2 years. We'd had one date, which involved my visiting his home briefly, but I never felt I could follow up on it because of my shame about the state of my own house. Whilst still a little unsure about having someone else in my house (it having been so long since I let anyone in, and Fearful Tearful me was still hanging around) we sat after dinner and talked non-stop until 1:00am - sharing our secrets about the disappointment and loneliness of both our lives.

Since then, things have blossomed! We are now in a full-time relationship that is so close and loving it fulfils both our "partner dreams". Settlement date on my old house is Thu 1st Mar, at which time we will be fully living together in his! We get married at the end of April followed by 2 weeks of honeymoon in the Whitsundays (one of the most beautiful places in Australia & part of the Great Barrier Reef).

And ... no, i

2:29PM PST on Dec 13, 2011

I never judge someone by their home,I visit to see them.

11:11AM PST on Dec 6, 2011

A friend used to post a sign on her door: "If you came to see my house, it's a mess so please turn around and leave. But if you came to see me, by all means come on in, pull up a chair and let's talk."

9:09AM PST on Dec 6, 2011


6:37PM PST on Dec 5, 2011


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