Recently I have been having crazy sexual fantasies while making love with my partner. I don’t know if I should feel guilty or excited because when I just let them go, I get way more aroused and I can tell my partner is feeling it too. I can’t get myself to tell my partner and I wonder if this is some form of cheating on him. I am not always thinking of someone else, just other crazy scenarios. Sometimes I am shocked by my own thoughts, like where did these come from? What is your take on fantasies? Do they hurt or help a relationship?
This is a great question that almost everyone thinks about at some point. In a recent research study on Sex in America, the majority of men and women have fantasies while having sex, some studies putting the number between 40 to 90 percent for both men and women. The Kinsey research concurred with this data and showed even higher percentages during masturbation.
In fact, using sexual fantasy as the fuel for early eroticism is for most of us our first sexual act. Boys start having sexual fantasies as early as 11-13, for girls, fantasy usually begins later in their teens and early 20′s. What’s more, there is mounting research which suggests that the ability and freedom to entertain fantasies actually enhances both sexual arousal and desire. Telling stories is integral to being human, and sexual fantasies can be both healthy and inspiring during sex.
Given that sexuality is one of the most mysterious ways that we relate to our partners, it isn’t all that surprising that our range of sexual fantasies is as rich and diverse as we are. Many people feel concern about whether their fantasy behavior is normal and worry about what it means.