Understanding the sexual arousal that may come from fantasies about being sexually overpowered or raped does not mean that you actually want to have the experience. Even the very common fantasy of having multiple sex partners doesn’t necessarily mean that you are interested in playing it out. It is not uncommon to struggle with the edge between enjoying their fantasies and feeling guilty or wrong about having them. The issue for many couples can be as straightforward as establishing boundaries that are respectful for both partners.
Like so much of sexuality, the idea and practice of fantasy has come out of the closet culturally. Internet fantasy chat rooms, elaborate sexual avatars, and free exchanges of pornography have all contributed to our awareness and capacity for fantasy. Some couples choose to take their fantasies to the next level and “act out” shared fantasy to enhance their pleasure.
There are plenty of accounts of people who allow their fantasy life to go too far. Whether this leads to obsessive thoughts about another or an inability to focus on your life or your partner, this is where fantasy crosses the line and can become a danger to your relationship. Learning to distinguish between fantasy and reality can be a challenging obstacle for some. In the same way that dreams are altered when we try to describe them upon waking, carrying our fantasies into our daily lives can be disruptive and destructive.