Ask the Loveologist: Sharing the Big O

My boyfriend and I just became sexually active, we were both virgins so we didn’t really know what to expect. He climaxed in about two minutes, we thought that was normal and that next time it would be longer and more enjoyable for me, but that hasn’t happened. Besides that, I haven’t had an orgasm at all from penetration, only from external stimulation, and he feels inadequate about that. How can I reach an orgasm during sex and what can we do to make him last longer?

Thanks for sharing your questions. Almost all new lovers, and many more experienced ones all share these fundamental issues of getting lovemaking to work for both partners. To begin with, there is a shared belief, that people are born with the skills to make love and share pleasure. While we are hardwired for intimate attraction and reproduction, the intimate communication and body awareness that come together to create shared orgasmic experience is a learned skill that improves with practice.

The issue of achieving orgasm and early ejaculation have more in common than meets the eye. They are both immature responses to sexual stimuli. Many young men are easily brought to the edge of their ability to control their responses in the early months of exploring sexuality. There are several good practices that help men learn to both identify and elongate the space between arousal and orgasm.

The majority of women do not orgasm during intercourse the way that men do. Your question mentioned manual stimulation that helped you achieve orgasm. Close to one third of all women cannot achieve orgasm at all. Just like for your partner, the more you practice, not just trying to achieve orgasm, but learning more about your signs of arousal and the many paths you have to orgasm. This is the work that will lead you to discovering the access points to orgasm during sex.

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Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Health, Love, Relationships, Sex, orgasm, virginity

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Carole R.

3:49PM PDT on Oct 21, 2011

Noted. Thank you.

send a green star

Bon L.

5:38AM PDT on Mar 22, 2011

Thanks for the info.

Vanessa S.

11:55AM PDT on Jul 18, 2010

Great article

11:52AM PDT on Jul 18, 2010

Beng Kiat L.

2:02AM PDT on Jul 13, 2010

thanks

4:31AM PDT on Jul 8, 2010

Great article! Thanks Wendy!!

Teresa W.

4:10AM PDT on Jul 8, 2010

Ugh!!! disgusting

Past Member .

1:14AM PDT on Jun 30, 2010

My sugestion to the writer is that she and her lover should be open with each other. They should both explore, Try to know their likes and what turns them on. It's still early yet. They can still learn. Only by experimenting.

johan l.

11:39PM PDT on Jun 27, 2010

I read the comments with interest!
There is still a great deal of doubt of whether a woman has a G-spot at all!
My wife and I have been married for over 40 years and notwithstanding reading a great deal on satisfying sex, she has never reached a climax during the sex act.
I have never had a problem with premature ejaculation and can easily go on for 30 minutes but this still makes no difference.
To give my wife a climax though, is not difficult at all and she usually reaches orgasm within two minutes from outside stimulation.
I have a cousin that after 35 years of marriage never has had an orgasm, be it by penetration or outside stimulation!
To come back to the couple that had their first intercourse recently I can only say do not worry but keep on experimenting and reading the many books available and some of which were mentioned in the article!
Good luck all you "new experimenters"!

Alexa J.

12:59AM PDT on Jun 22, 2010

Sex is a art. To get pleasure you have to perform well.Be open with your partner and try to do kidding while sex and give more and more time on fore playing and the another main thing is that Find the G-spot of the your partner.

dsi r4