Ask the Loveologist: The Effects of Swinging

My wife and I tried swinging several years ago. It was exciting and fun to plan dates and it brought up surprising aspects of our sexuality. It also brought up some powerful emotions, which we were able to work through, although after some of the couples we were dating dropped us, the experience hit my wife really hard and we stopped not only swinging, but having sex altogether. Slowly we have re-built our sex life. Now she often uses our past experiences as fantasies when we have sex, but says she isn’t interested in the lifestyle anymore. It is like she is a different person while having sex. I would be curious to try it again, but she won’t even talk about it. Any ideas?

Thanks for bringing up this question about the swinging lifestyle. For clarification purposes, swinging is unlike the open marriages of the 70s or the more recent version of “polyamory” that supports intimacy and love with multiple partners. Swinging, by contrast, refers to non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity that is experienced as a couple. Emotional monogamy and primary commitment to the love relationship with one’s marital partner is the base rule. Swinging sex is usually done in the presence of one’s spouse and requires the consent of both partners. Although swinging couples often become close friends with other swinging couples, there are rules restricting emotional involvement with non-spousal partners. That said, the relationships that form between couples can easily and often become as emotionally complex as that of the married partners.

Although swinging involves having sex with people other than one’s spouse, people who choose this lifestyle report that the practice enhances their relationship both sexually and emotionally. They say that the communication, openness and sharing of their natural desires for sexual variety allows them to explore their fantasies together without deceit or guilt. While this intense sexual openness can instill higher levels of trust and openness within your relationship it can also inadvertently create emotional vulnerabilities that neither of you may be aware of.

Swinging, as you have seen, can be a double-edged sword. Still largely viewed as deviant social behavior, it is perceived as a threat by the majority of couples and institutions.  Most swinging couples feel that they need to guard their lifestyle choices closely so that ironically, while they have greater openness between them, they also struggle with secrecy and vulnerability within their families and communities. Although recent media exposes about swinging has piqued the curiosity of many couples, recent studies show the population that has engaged in this practice is less than 5% of all couples.  The North American Swing Club Association claims that the population of participants is much higher at 15 percent and reports that there are organized swing clubs in almost all states and in many international communities.

It is not uncommon for couples to pull out of the swinging lifestyle and have to rebuild their own intimate life. That said, many couples stay with this practice for many years and report high levels of marital satisfaction, although with the small sample sizes and limited research on the topic, it is difficult to draw any firm conclusions. I was recently contacted by a couple who just launched the site lifeontheswingset.com because they felt like the web lacked resources for swinging couples, including themselves. Many proponents of the swinging lifestyle say that it is a healthier way to deal with the sexual boredom that many couples struggle with and that the honesty and communication required actually make marriages stronger.

Some of the most challenging aspects of this or any sexual practice that includes multiple partners are the human tendencies toward jealousy, the associated guilt and the compromised trust that are inherent in these complex relationships. Many people go into these relationships not fully appreciating the level of communication skills and the commitment required to hold the unpredictable results of mixed pair bonding.

Your wife’s use of her memories to heat up her sexual experiences with you is in its own way a very responsible and mature response to something that clearly worked for her on some levels, but was too much to bear on others. Awakening to a different part of oneself is in many ways the mystery and the journey of discovering our sexuality. Having a rich store of memories and experiences that fuel a passionate life for the two of you could well give you cause to celebrate.

115 comments

Monica B.
Monica B.8 days ago

After being in relationship with him for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all other ones out there. Anybody who need his help, should contact his email, DROGBEMUDIANSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM.

SEND
Mary K.
Mary K.about a month ago

Today has being the most happiest day of my life after 5 year of sadness and sorrow without being with the one i love, i tried all my possible best to make sure i make my lover happy but it never seems to work out well it was like am doing everything in vain but all thanks to Dr.Ogumen for coming to change all my worries and sadness to Joy. I knew the great man when i read some wonderful reviews about Him how he has helped a lots of people on there relationship problem i was reading a magazine which then i saw great testimonies as well which then i decided not to waste time. He told me not to worry that he assures me that within 3day everything would be sorted out i believed Dr.Ogumen so much because i believe he can't fail me and i sent him all my details. Truly Dr.Ogumen never failed me,my husband who left me for good a year come back to me. My husband and i have been living contentedly since this spell caster reunited us together with his love spells. Thank you so so so much Dr.Ogumen for your powerful spells. Expressions are not sufficient to say thank you, here is his email address(ogumensolutioncenter@gmail.com) or call (+2348135790702) for more information or whatsapp with him......

SEND
Sonia E.
Sonia E.4 months ago

After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosedebamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NE

SEND
Sarah S.
Sarah S.5 months ago

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try because my relationship was crashing. This spell caster helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised, my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship you can contact his email: drehimenspells@gmail.com

SEND
Jessica L
Jessica L5 months ago

My name is Jessica Luis, and I base in USA...My life is back!!! After 1 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Mohammed, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr Mohammed's e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr Mohammed, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here's his contact: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com or call him +23481344

SEND
Jeanne R
Jeanne R6 months ago

Thank you for sharing.

SEND
Jeanne R
Jeanne R6 months ago

Thank you for sharing.

SEND
Jeanne R
Jeanne R6 months ago

Thank you for sharing.

SEND
Jeanne R
Jeanne R6 months ago

Thank you for sharing.

SEND
Jeanne R
Jeanne R6 months ago

Thank you for sharing.

SEND