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Ask the Loveologist: Transcendent Sex

Ask the Loveologist: Transcendent Sex

I had the weirdest experience while making love to my partner the other night. I was literally transported out of my body and felt like I was flying and in some other universe entirely. I was connected through him but also barely there. I don’t know how or why it happened and even as I tried to explain it to him, it sounded ridiculous as the words came out of my mouth. Have you ever heard of something like this and what does it mean?

The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex. A research study on the phenomenon by Jenny Wade PhD is recorded in her book Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil. Earlier studies suggest that as many as one in twenty individuals have a transcendent experience and that over 80 percent of them keep the experience a secret even from their partners. All of the people in Dr. Wade’s study had no previous experience or training in transcendent practices and most had no real language or framework to understand their experience.

Interestingly the variety of experience was as vast and unique as the survey sample itself. The range of experiences sited in the book cover everything from the shift of space and time as you described, to a sense of electric light filled bodies, or transformation of self and other and a sense of timelessness and vast emptiness. All of the experiences carried a transformative recognition of the intersecting paths of spirit and sexuality.

For many people this spiritual awakening is life changing. It reorganizes their beliefs about sexuality and god. In fact, of all life experiences that open the doorway to intensely spiritual experience, sex is the most common and ordinary, which is to say that it is available to ordinary people through the act of physical love.

Perhaps it is because sex provides the most intense and immediate experience of the divine that most if not all religions have distanced the practice from its followers. Even historical Tantric texts teaches to move beyond orgasmic sexuality as soon as possible. In the Garden of Eden, the forbidden fruit is the orgasmic experience that Eve shares with Adam, because this is how they come to an immediate face to face experience with god.

The French term for orgasm is “le petit mort” which means the little death. In many ways, this transcendental sex is a death of sorts. We lose touch with our smaller ego driven self as the truth of our connection to each other and the universe is known. This is probably the element of our sexual selves that drives the mystery and fear that is associated with our sexual selves.

Finding the doorways to meaning in our lives are a rare and precious opportunity. Wade’s book provides some instruction on the techniques and practices you can engage in to create more opening to these experiences as well.

Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Love, Relationships, Sex,

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

104 comments

+ add your own
11:14PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

11:13PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

11:13PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

11:13PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

11:13PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

11:13PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

11:13PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

11:13PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

11:13PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

11:13PM PDT on Jun 15, 2012

"The experience you describe is referred to as both transcendent or sacred sex"

Ha, "transcendent" or "sacred"? The out of body experience is just a normal orgasm that everybody has when they are "into" their partner. There's nothing transcendent or sacred about orgasms, they just "feel" that way due to the happy brain hormones that are excreted into the bloodstream. From my personal experience I think women have different "feelings" than men. I've asked men how they feel after an orgasm and they say relief and they want to be left alone. I was intensely "into" my ex boyfriend and I got high as a kite just from his touch. There was nothing transcendent or sacred about this, however, it was a totally natural reaction on my part. My subconscious mind perceived him as a mate and this triggered my brain chemicals. At the time I didn't realize that men don't have these feelings
at all, they just drop a load and don't give it another thought until they get horny again. Early on in our society a web of lies was created, fairy gods made up and descriptive words that attempt to describe the natural mating act. In my opinion there are no words to adequately
describe the intense high of sex with somebody who turns you on. On the other hand, it's not superior or different than any other animal on earth has. We are all born with a sex drive
and that's the only reason we are on earth, to reproduce, for survival of the species and there is nothing "sacred" about that, it's a

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