http://www.care2.com/greenliving/baby-talk-seldom-shared-wisdom-for-new-parents.html
Baby Talk: Seldom Shared Wisdom for New Parents
Recently, I ran into a pair of old friends that had just entered that supremely disorienting state of parenthood, with their newborn in tow. Now, I feel for new parents, not because the first few weeks/months of parenthood are extraordinarily difficult; no, more because of the riotous litany of advice foisted upon them is enough to make you want to bury your head in the sand. For me, the worst part of getting lots of unsolicited advice was not that it was confusing, but that it was so clichéd and had been long drained of any emotional truth. Directives and counsel that informed you to “just get some sleep”, or to try out some seemingly insane and counter-intuitive parenting maneuver because, as some like to insist, “no one ever died.”
So, in light of the advisory noise and my great regard and sympathy for new parents everywhere, I give you a few bits of sensible and honest advice (unsolicited, I admit), the kind of truth and advice that no one ever cares to tell you. Feel free to add to my humble list in the comments section with some of your sagely advice, truisms, and observations, just make them sincere and genuine. Here goes:
• The hours between 2 AM and 4 AM are potentially the darkest moments of your waking lives. These are the times in which you are routinely awoken out of a fitful slumber to soothe a crying child. Due to compounded sleep deprivation, you will likely be filled with thoughts of dread, remorse, and anxiety as you try to lull your unwitting child back to a comfortable state of repose. Just know, these are the “dark hours” and they too shall pass.
• All babies love (fill in the blank). Not true! Babies are truly unique beings; therefore they don’t all uniformly love or hate anything.
• Unsolicited advice from friends, family and complete strangers is the norm. Get used to it, or find a suitable way of deflecting it.
• Depending on your child and your respective situation, taking care of an infant is never quite as difficult as everyone likes to lead on. Day in and day out it is a formidable challenge, but reasonably doable. However, the cumulative effect is what becomes the most exhaustive and depleting factor.
• After you spend hours upon hours gazing into the eyes of your child, and then alternately watching them sleep peacefully, the head and physique of your average adult will appear grotesquely large and colossal. Be warned.
• Changing diapers is no big thing, until the baby starts consuming solids.
• Lots of babies love the Ramones just as much as they love Raffi.
• Feeding babies copious amounts of rice cereal doesn’t make them sleep through the night.
• As said best by multi-media artist Jenny Holzer, who became best known for her series of truisms, “Raise boys and girls the same.”
• After about a week or two, your baby’s skin will peel and molt like a reptile. It is totally natural but alarming nonetheless.
• Trust yourself above all else, because parental confidence is key. Your baby knows and you will soon find out.
• Choose carefully who you have to come for those premiere newborn visits. Ideally, you don’t want someone who could hold the baby for you (that is your job and privilege), you want someone who knows how to stock a fridge and mop a floor.
• Don’t panic if you don’t feel a significant bond within the first few days. Bonding is a gradual process that cannot be rushed and you will have plenty of time to make it happen.
• Babies are indifferent to material possessions; therefore it is unnecessary to stock your house with massive amounts of toys and miscellany. Babies don’t need much more than warmth, security and love.
Eric Steinman is a freelance writer based in Rhinebeck, N.Y. He regularly writes about food, music, art, architecture and culture and is a regular contributor to Bon Appétit among other publications.
Parenting at the Crossroads
related stories
-
(15 comments)
-
(1 comment)
-
Robyn
Melissa
Deepak
Eric
Dave
Dr. Brent
Isha
Susan
Delia
Michelle
Wendy
Megan
Hilary
Ann
Judi
Ronnie
Kelly
Lily
Terri
Betsy
Cait
Andrew
Jana
Annie B.
Veronica
14 comments
add your comment »thankyou...
Kabin
Konteyner
mega kabin
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
In recent news, something came to light that shocked me and feel that ALL NEW MUMS should know about. When you are due to give birth; think if you have or had a "cold sore" ON YOUR "LIPS" because the first obvious thing you're likely to want to do is "KISS YOUR LOVELY BABY" well, DON'T, because that "KISS" could KILL - I'm serious, please fine out more about this yourself, especially if you suffer from "cold sores."
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
Breastfed baby poop doesn't stick -- it's only if you introduce anything else (solids, formula) that you get stink, and before they are six months, their guts are not ready for anything but breast milk anyway.
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
Yeah I agree about the toys. My toddlers would play with empty boxes for hours and hours. They also loved blocks.
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
Many "helpful" people will tell you what you "must" have or do for your baby. Mr. Steinman is so right in the article--trust yourself and your baby and do what feels right to you. My Grandfather used to say, "Don't worry too much about children--they all grow up and hair-over." Let other people's "musts" roll off you. Spend your time enjoying, rather than worrying!!
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
My first child was almost 10 months old before he started to sleep through the night. My doctor told me he did not need to feed in the middle of the night and that if I, we wanted to get a good nights sleep I needed to break him of it. It took a week; instead of feeding him I would go in at each cry and tell him I loved him and that he needed to go to sleep and other such soothing things. When my second child was born I met a Swedish girl who also had a baby and she said in Sweden they never feed a baby in the middle of the night - only warm water and a kiss on the head! I decided to try that and low and behold with-in three weeks Daniel was sleeping through the night! MY piece of unsolicited advice is always respond to a cry - it develops trust that you will be there when needed and confidence I think. Be reasonable and be fair and always count to ten before you freak out on your child! Good luck to all the new parents out there, it is quite an odessy.
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
I just love "Your baby knows and you will soon find out." So true. If only we could more easily deflect every other piece of advice and tune in to baby's signals and our own parental instincts.
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
Also, there hasn't been a perfect parent since at least Adam's and Eve's parent (if you catch my drift). Be as good as you can to your child, but don't be too hard on yourself for normal humanity. Feel free to ask for rest, and help if and when you need it.
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
When your baby takes a nap during the day, catch a few winks yourself.
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
Try to remember that newborns don't need every gadget and gizmo that the baby stores try to push at you. When possible find a good consignment store near you and buy used items - you can save a ton of money and be kind to the planet too. NOTE: ensure your consignment store is responsible and checks items for recalls etc. Sleep when you can. When people ask what you would like, request things like - empty the dishwasher, sweep the floor, run an errand - family and true friends will be only too happy to help. Breastfeed for as long as it works for both of you. Sleep with/near your baby - you will get more rest. Know that what ever is happening - colic, reflux, teething, tantrums etc will all pass.
send green star | flag as inappropriate
why is this inappropriate?
Facebook account: