Beginning With Self-Forgiveness

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” -Rumi

It is a gift to arrive in this field where your shortcomings and mistakes are part of a huge space that can hold them and transform them into steps on a path of growth.

I arrived unprepared to a talk on love and although all the information was there, the structure that conveys the understanding was missing.

I have learned this painful lesson in the past, that there is no such thing as winging it when you come to a group of people and have only a little while to share and teach what is dearest and most important. Speaking clearly and articulately is a practiced skill that demands notes and preparation. There are many reasonable excuses for my unpreparedness but none that really mitigate the fact that sometimes we make the same mistake over and over again until we are ready to have what we say we want.

Self-forgiveness is the only path to this field where our life choices, both good and bad, are beyond right- or wrongdoing. It is in the deep grass where self doubt and questions of our own worth don’t stick to us. Forging on to this place takes the courage of a warrior, but in the end is always easier than rattling around in our own cage of self-condemnation where clear thinking and progress is impeded by the bars of our own vision.

Self-forgiveness is also the only reliable path to loving anyone else. All growth moves from the inside out and ignoring this fact and insisting on bringing the broken parts to the outside for blame or repair mostly pushes us backward, or at the very least a distracted sideways. Self-forgiveness and its natural extension of forgiving others is how we are in our purest state, in the field where we have let go of old resentment, guilt and pain.

I see the fears that keep me from taking the time to perfect the work that I am most drawn to clearly. I can look on them with compassion tonight instead of guilt and shame. Loving the weakness is the truest source of strength we have. We always get to try again. It is never about perfecting, it is always about owning ourselves compassionately. The world is too full of wonder for anything less.

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Christina C.

3:02PM PST on Mar 7, 2012

Thank you. This is a very hard issue for me right now and this helps. The quote is beautiful and I will take it into myself.

send a green star

Eternal G.

4:46PM PST on Feb 21, 2012

Ta.

Kamryn M.

12:20PM PST on Feb 16, 2012

thanks.

Sarah M.

8:07PM PST on Feb 15, 2012

Thank you so much.

Ann B.

8:15PM PST on Feb 3, 2012

Thanks for sharing

Brenda T.

5:34AM PST on Feb 1, 2012

Thanks for sharing.

Danuta W.

1:25AM PST on Feb 1, 2012

Tim C.

12:30AM PST on Feb 1, 2012

heather g.

12:11AM PST on Feb 1, 2012

Thanks Wendy for this article - it appears to be written after deep contemplation on forgiveness.
I understand where the 'forgiver' stands in this situation, but often it is difficult to bring the other person on board. My management training was to do just that - where both parties put their cards on the table. John L's poem mentioned something to the effect of 'lacking self-assurance' and 'blaming' and that is when one of the parties finds it difficult to move forward.
This is so true...

Mary B.

9:13PM PST on Jan 31, 2012

I don't find forgiveness so hard, after all, most people are doing the best they know how to do even if it doesn't match my personal standard, but once I know their limited ability to decern appropriate action, I no longer trust them and once that's gone, what's the point of trying to interact with them? Everything would have to stay very surface level but even that takes time and energy. Not worth the effort in my oppinon, especially if they repeatedly betray agreements.