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Beginning With Self-Forgiveness

Beginning With Self-Forgiveness

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” -Rumi


It is a gift to arrive in this field where your shortcomings and mistakes are part of a huge space that can hold them and transform them into steps on a path of growth.

I arrived unprepared to a talk on love and although all the information was there, the structure that conveys the understanding was missing.

I have learned this painful lesson in the past, that there is no such thing as winging it when you come to a group of people and have only a little while to share and teach what is dearest and most important. Speaking clearly and articulately is a practiced skill that demands notes and preparation. There are many reasonable excuses for my unpreparedness but none that really mitigate the fact that sometimes we make the same mistake over and over again until we are ready to have what we say we want.

Self-forgiveness is the only path to this field where our life choices, both good and bad, are beyond right- or wrongdoing. It is in the deep grass where self doubt and questions of our own worth don’t stick to us. Forging on to this place takes the courage of a warrior, but in the end is always easier than rattling around in our own cage of self-condemnation where clear thinking and progress is impeded by the bars of our own vision.

Self-forgiveness is also the only reliable path to loving anyone else. All growth moves from the inside out and ignoring this fact and insisting on bringing the broken parts to the outside for blame or repair mostly pushes us backward, or at the very least a distracted sideways. Self-forgiveness and its natural extension of forgiving others is how we are in our purest state, in the field where we have let go of old resentment, guilt and pain.

I see the fears that keep me from taking the time to perfect the work that I am most drawn to clearly. I can look on them with compassion tonight instead of guilt and shame. Loving the weakness is the truest source of strength we have. We always get to try again. It is never about perfecting, it is always about owning ourselves compassionately. The world is too full of wonder for anything less.

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


+ add your own
11:26PM PST on Jan 30, 2014

Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. Thanks for sharing.

12:39AM PDT on Sep 4, 2012

I love your sentence about loving our weaknesses is our strength. ***** stars.

3:02PM PST on Mar 7, 2012

Thank you. This is a very hard issue for me right now and this helps. The quote is beautiful and I will take it into myself.

4:46PM PST on Feb 21, 2012


12:20PM PST on Feb 16, 2012


8:07PM PST on Feb 15, 2012

Thank you so much.

8:15PM PST on Feb 3, 2012

Thanks for sharing

5:34AM PST on Feb 1, 2012

Thanks for sharing.

1:25AM PST on Feb 1, 2012

Thanks for sharing

12:30AM PST on Feb 1, 2012


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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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