Boys Will Be Pink Boys: Unconventional Gender Identity

As it has been pointed out to me numerous times, I like to write about gender issues on this blog. Some assume I do it because it is provocative and progressive, or that maybe I struggle with such issues myself, but my commitment to the issue is rooted in more of an inherent and general fascination with the topic of gender. And thankfully the issue of gender identity, particularly in relation to children (often times young children) is becoming more and more of a hot topic.

What used to be a subject that was largely ignored and/or sublimated, is now the subject of books, newspaper stories, and morning chat shows. But this struggle is hardly new and was impressively dealt with grace and sensitivity in the 1970s with the release of the enduring Free to Be You and Me song “William Wants a Doll” (see video below):

Most recently The New York Times ran a piece titled “Boys Will Be Boys? Not in These Families?” in the Style section of the magazine (are we to assume that gender confusion and gender neutrality are becoming stylish?). In the piece writer Jan Hoffman delves into the subject of how modern, forward-thinking parents are helping their own children navigate the world of unconventional gender roles. These are parents that, rather than looking the other way, are desperately trying to understand and support their children’s unconventional gender behavior, and ultimately prepare for what they fear could be a life filled with social challenges.

Many of the children outlined in this article (most of which are boys, but this should not imply that mainly boys go through this sort of unconventional gender behavior – on the contrary) are well beyond just wanting to play with dolls and having a preference for pink, these are boys who like to dress as princesses and near-assume the identity of little girls.

Next: Gender Orientation vs. Sexual Orientation

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Marie W.

5:03PM PDT on Apr 16, 2012

All this ridiculous emphasis on gender junk! Androgyny.

send a green star

Ruth P.

4:40AM PDT on Mar 12, 2012

Being "gender variant" has nothing to do with sexual orientation. There are more masculine lesbians and feminine gay men than you might otherwise expect, but it's more of an "in for a penny, in for a pound" kind of thing. If people are going to think you're a freak anyway, some might decide there's no point in trying to tamp down certain parts of your personality.

If your young son is feminine, he might stop being feminine as a teenager of his own accord, or he might be bullied out of it, or he might continue. None of these means he's more or less likely to be gay.

The best book about gender I've read in a long time is Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine. She's a neuroscientist and a great writer, too :)

Magdalen B.

3:12AM PST on Feb 27, 2012

Read somewhere that until fairly recently red was for boys and blue for girls. I do hate the pinkification of little girls.There seems to be very little colour choice, these days.

Emma S.

8:45AM PDT on Oct 16, 2011

It was only fairly recently, as I understand it, that the pink for girls / blue for boys polarisation took place: it used to be the other way round. (Try to get over it, Mrs Shakespeare! Your husband's wearing a pearl earring in his Chandos portrait, so you must have got used to that...)

Lika S.

1:22AM PDT on Jun 25, 2011

Okay, history lesson. Remember during WWII, where they "masculinization of women" will be the demise of this country? Because they thought "the boys coming home from war aren't going to understand what happened to their wives"... It was pictures of Rosie the Riveter, and the womens' baseball teams that was the mad dash about how it was so terrible that women were becoming "like men"...

Well, women got to see that there's more to life than being Sally Home maker, and she's just as capable of learning how to be a mechanic, etc... Various corporations figured it might be in their favor, since women aren't the bread winners of the family, so they can pay less for the woman's compensation, since she won't need as much...

So much for single moms to be at the mercy of society working at dead end jobs as grease pit waitresses... Now she can build cars, also. They considered it terrible back then...

But what happened? Now equality is starting to set in, and people are aware that women who perform the same job in the same quality ought to be paid at the same rate as men, provided they are similar in seniority... Which is a good thing.

Now, we have more and more dads who are stay at home dads, single dads, etc... So, understanding stuff like this is necessary, because we need to understand that these Mr. Moms are NOT gay, weak, freaky, or what ever. It's part of the growing trend, and we need to embrace that fact.

Cyrille D.

1:32PM PDT on Jun 20, 2011

I'm a female with a very feminine style and behavior who was given a "boy" name at birth on purpose. That was my mother's thoughtful choice. She wanted her daughters to be strong with temper and personality...and that's exactly what she got ! Many people are confused when I first tell them my name but they get use to it really quickly and find it very original and "fitting" after a while. I think people should open their mind and embrace the complexity of their own nature. We're all made of ying and yang, masculin and feminine traits and caracteristics. Let's not be so closed-minded but rather open up to what Mother Nature gave us all...:)

Samantha H.

7:50AM PDT on Jun 19, 2011

thanks

April T.

3:40PM PDT on Jun 18, 2011

Noted!

Amanda M.

2:41PM PDT on Jun 17, 2011

Comment continued:

My husband and I have two daughters, and we're raising them to be whatever they want to be and pursue whatever interests they have. Our older daughter is a mix-one day she'll want to wear conservative dresses (she even asked me once to make her one "just like the conservative Mennonites in our county wear," a request that I reluctantly turned down on the grounds that since we're not Mennonites, it would look like we're mocking them), and the next day she'll be in jeans and a T-shirt climbing up a tree or playing in the dirt. Dolls? She'd rather play with Legos or outside. Color choices? She's not fussy. Our younger daughter's the same way, and she's only four. I don't care what they end up being as long as it's decent, responsible adults capable of making a solid contribution to society.

2:37PM PDT on Jun 17, 2011

It's good to see "Free To Be...You And Me" still being held up as an example of accepting everyone for who they are! My sister and I grew up playing that record, and I play the CD for my two daughters-it's one of their favorites!

Like several of the posters here, I've been a tomboy all my life. I quit wearing dresses to school in the fourth grade (much to my mother's consternation) because you simply can't wear them and do anything fun in them. The other girls at my school liked playing kickball, I liked catching crayfish in the creek or building forts in the woods with the boys. When I was in college, she complained about my working as a security guard, saying it was "too dangerous for a woman." She even used to complain about how people would think I was a "bull dyke" because I cut my hair short, live in jeans and T-shirts, and have a "manly" way of walking (I take big strides and swing my arms like a guy). I only wear makeup once or twice a year, I live in sneakers, I don't carry a purse (if I can't stick something in a pants pocket, I don't need it in the first place), and I think such ideas as shaving one's legs are nothing more than a useless exercise in self-torture. Activities? Stay-at-home mom who works in the gardens and is a volunteer firefighter besides, and is perfectly happy being accepted as "just one of the guys."

Sexuality? As hetero as they come.