Don’t Live Within Your Partners Limitations!
From Pamela Madsen, Integrative Life Coach For Women:
“I have found that a tremendous libido killer is trying to live within my partners sexual limitations. It is really okay to refuse to live within your partner’s limitations! Long term relationships often lose their sexual spark, fail, or go into sexual boredom when when we agree to live in the box of each other’s sexual limitations, shame, and fear. Work with keeping your own unique balance of desire for relationship with your desire for sense of individuality and self-direction. Agree to a willingness to experiment with opening each other’s limitations and moving past them. It will create the possibility for healthier living and just might spark a renewed sexiness in your relationship. Neither you nor your partner gets to stay small and in a box while the other just accepts it. Sexual desire needs growth in order to thrive.”
It’s Time To Demand a New Kind of Love From Each Other
From Will (Yes, one name – think Cher or Madonna) an extra-ordinary sexuality and intimacy coach as well as a certified Sexological Bodyworker at Naming Desire and an expert in the Shameless Community:
“Living as powerful and creatively expressed people is a revolutionary act. How can I balance my growth and need to explore while continuing to create and expand intimacy? What’s revolutionary about this is that it demands a new kind of love from people, and asks them to engage with themselves and the world intentionally and with curiosity instead of shutting down.
I have found the work of Dr. David Schnarch inspiring. In his book Passionate Marriage, Dr. Schnarch reveals how a passionate sex life requires each person to face the anxiety of defining himself/herself while getting closer to their partner; a process he calls “differentiation.” Basically, it takes self aware, passionate people to create intimacy.
I agree that it is rare, because nobody shows us how to do it! I didn’t have a teacher, minister, scout leader etc. who could model that for me. Consequently I fell into the socially programmed co-dependent model of relationship that my parents learned.
Should we put up with our partner’s limitations? I guess that depends on what we want and how much it will cost us. We always have a choice; I can stay or I can go. Personally I choose not to tolerate my partner’s limitations, while simultaneously having compassion and curiosity and belief in their potential to grow and change.”
“Finding a compromise in situations is always a preferred approach. As Steven Covey says in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, you must go for a win-win. Anything else is a loss.
Specifically, if one party is losing, it cannot have a positive outcome – no matter how noble it may seem.
To “meet in the middle” is to find solutions that are mutually-beneficial to you and your beloved.
As your life journey unfolds, you are undoubtedly learning, growing and changing. When you are in the world of the entrepreneur, the changes can be happening rapidly. The more you learn about spirituality, success, empowerment, etc., the more you desire.
As your awareness of the greatness that is within you expands, you are excited to see what else can unfold for you.”