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Can You Love Unconditionally?

Can You Love Unconditionally?

Loving unconditionally. Giving without expecting anything in return. We all think we should, but most of the time these concepts are just lofty ideals, impossible to achieve no matter how hard we try. Why is it so difficult to love unconditionally?

The reason we cannot love others unconditionally is because we donít know how to love ourselves. How can I give what I do not have? How can I perceive perfection in another, accept them as they are, if I see myself as flawed? The only way to love unconditionally is to first learn to love ourselves.

Ironically, in modern society we have the idea that loving oneself is selfish. Actually, it is selfish to not love yourself, because as long as you reject yourself, judge yourself, and focus on what is wrong, you will be needing something from others: approval, acceptance, recognition. That is being selfish: to take from your loved ones, instead of giving freely. Loving yourself is to stop being selfish, and to start taking responsibility: to take responsibility for your own joy, your own fulfillment. When being with yourself is enough, when your own presence is a pleasure, you can give freely to those around you without clinging, without needing; without taking. When you feel complete within yourself, It is a natural joy to give to others, to serve them in their own self realization and in remembering their own perfection.

The misconception of the ego as someone who is obsessed with their own grandeur just goes to show how lost in our egos we really are: the ego is the voice that convinces us their is something wrong with us, that judges us and keeps us small. It often adopts a false posture of pride and arrogant superiority, but if we cannot see this for what it really is – profound fear and insecurity – it is only because we ourselves are stuck in the same game of self judgment and rejection.

If you want to love unconditionally, first accept that you donít. Accept your conditions, your needs, the contracts you put in your personal relationships. If you cannot be honest with yourself, see yourself as you really are, you will not be able to change. Letís not focus on appearing to be unconditionally loving; letís focus on becoming unconditional love. By embracing yourself as you are, you will become the person you always thought you should be.

Isha Judd is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and author; her latest book and movie, Why Walk When You Can Fly? explain her system for self-love and the expansion of consciousness. Learn more at

Read more: Guidance, Inspiration, Isha Judd, Spirit

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Isha Judd

Isha Judd is an internationally renowned spiritual teacher and author; her latest book and movie, Why Walk When You Can Fly? explain her system for self-love and the expansion of consciousness.


+ add your own
12:17PM PDT on Mar 15, 2012

No, it would be madness

2:37PM PST on Feb 23, 2012

I think very highly of myself and believe that everyone should.

10:34AM PDT on Nov 2, 2011

Very true about it being difficult to forge a proper relationship with oneself - very easy to confuse self-love with buying oneself presents we can't afford, don't need and are bad for us!

1:23PM PDT on Jul 15, 2011

Thank you

5:36PM PST on Nov 12, 2010


11:37AM PDT on Oct 20, 2010

good to know, tnx. :)

3:03AM PDT on Oct 20, 2010

To me it is a privilege to serve. I don't expect any payback because the payback I get is better than money or material things. I gain my own spiritual growth and learn valuable lessons.

But, I have also learned the hard way that one of the most helpful thing I can do is to take care of ME. Jesus said that we should love others AS we love ourselves. To me that indicates that we need a healthy love for ourselves before we can love AS we already love ourselves.

Helping those around me is essential to taking care of me. No man is an island unto himself.

5:00AM PDT on Oct 11, 2010

giving is NOT the same as loving.........Hello!!

1:32AM PDT on Aug 9, 2010

Thank you for sharing!

11:03AM PDT on Jun 22, 2010

What you write is perfectly true. Of course in most relationships one of the partners is 'the more loving one'

If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me

This should be what each of us stives towards

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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