Cancer Lessons: What We Wish We’d Known

By Melanie Haiken, Caring.com

Last year, New York Times reporter Dana Jennings posted a very moving blog titled Ten Lessons of Prostate Cancer.

It touched a nerve for me–and many of us in Cancer World–because we all have a desperate desire to connect with others living with cancer in their lives and discover the tidbits of knowledge that only experience can teach.

Below, in my own personal order of importance, are a few of Dana Jennings’ “10 Lessons,” augmented with others from the more than 260 people who commented on his blog, and still more from community members at Caring.com, who’ve taken the time to share their wisdom in group postings and answers to others’ questions.

8 Lessons of caring for someone with cancer

1. Doctors forget to share the gory details.
Boy, don’t we know it. The list of what we don’t know when we walk out of medical appointments sometimes seems longer than the list of what we do know. Dana writes that after prostate surgery, his testicles swelled up and turned bright red, something his doctors failed to mention. Many report that doctors have failed to mention such things as the need for drains–and drain emptying–following surgery, and the possibility of numerous side effects from chemo, everything from peeling, painful hands and feet to a constant bad taste in the mouth. Worst of all, says oncologist Hope Rugo in her column, doctors are hesitant to share information on what families can expect as cancer progresses. This leaves the family in a constant state of reactivity, when accurate information could have allowed them to prepare for what was to come. Lesson? Don’t be nervous about asking the doctors, “How does this type of cancer typically progress?” and “What can we expect a few months from now?”

2. Insurance can cause more stress than cancer.
Half the comments on Dana’s blog were reports of insurers failing to pay. Canadian patients comment that their state-run system leaves them free to focus on what matters–getting better.

Cancer Lessons: What We Wish We’d Known originally appeared on Caring.com.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Barb F.

6:53AM PST on Nov 28, 2010

TY so much for the article, I'm printing it and giving it to my mom, my dad is under treatment for lung cancer, so far, so good after 15 months now. The physical, pyschological and emotional toll it takes on the patient and caregivers, family members as well is one fierce emotional rollercoaster that changes constantly. In failing to understand why no support group was in place at the hospital treatment is gotten, asking, they had no answer, just an "I don't know, there just isn't", it's something my parents would benefit from. They do not own or use computers for any online support groups. I will never cease to only believe my dad will beat it, may have already, when giving scan results the "whackjob oncologist of morbid", my name for him will not commit to definite status, admits it is a "legal liability covering his ass" practice he thinks all doctors do. Living in a rural area, large well known cancer treatment centers are not remotely close, when hospitilized due to profuse nosebleed side effect in a slightly further away hospital, the asking and denial of getting a second opinion, those doctors said there was no need for it. The nutritional changes have been integrated as much as my dad will accept them as being, some things he refuses in fear it will conflict with what is the medical treatment, I keep trying though.

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NO EMAILS P.

12:36AM PDT on Apr 24, 2010

Great article thanks

Kevin L.

1:03PM PDT on Apr 11, 2010

Fatima B. You are wrong. Modern medicine is the cause of the fact that childhood cancer survival rates (at least in the UK, all cancers) are increasing at something like 1% per annum.

Melissa B.

2:44PM PDT on Mar 29, 2010

An inspirational documentary to see is the Act As If video. It is based on Harvard Women's basketball coach Kathy Delaney-Smith, who not only survived breast cancer, but brought her team to victory by using a certain attitude, and Acting As If attitude.
http://bit.ly/azI0s1

It sure is inspiring.

2:42PM PDT on Mar 29, 2010

Kaye S.

2:06PM PST on Mar 13, 2010

Great article. Thank you .

Anne F.

1:04PM PST on Mar 7, 2010

a Wonderful gift I received was my sister coming with me to the oncology consultation and tape recording the discussion. Helped build my confidence in the treatment regimen.

Past Member .

11:51PM PST on Feb 28, 2010

Interesting.

9:00PM PST on Feb 24, 2010

Good informative post to aware people of such cancer and its effects and also what precautions should be taken!Whenever i see the post like yours i feel that there are helpful people who share information for the help of others,that must be helpful for others.I'll be keeping a close eye on your blog and looking forward to each new post.
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Estella A.

11:33PM PST on Jan 21, 2010

Thanks.