Changing the Victim Story

It’s all very well to say “Stop being the victim,” but what if you were abused? This thought-provoking author was herself the victim of such terrible sexual abuse as a child that it nearly killed her. See what she has to say about changing the victim story to find self-empowerment.

“I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse, so I know full well the devastation that kind of betrayal can cause in a person’s life. From the time I was four months old until I was four years old, I was sexually abused so badly that it almost killed me.

“I had a particularly difficult time dealing with the effect it had on my self-esteem, and for many years I played the victim.

“I will be eternally grateful for a teacher who one day abruptly called me on my act. ‘In order to heal this childhood trauma, what you’ve got to do is create a new story about it,’ he told me. ‘Okay, here’s your new story. Try this one on and see if it works for you. You came onto this planet to be a woman of power. Your soul chose this pathway, and because you chose it, you also chose to take an initiation in the misuse of power at a very young age. During this initiation you learned what it feels like when power is misused, and it is horrible. Therefore, it is now safe for you to be woman of power in the world because you know now that you would never misuse nor abuse this power. And in this process, you have gained the most valuable of all spiritual gifts–the understanding heart.’

“My world reeled from this and cracked open a bit. It didn’t happen overnight, but little by little, one day at a time, I began to embrace this wonderful new story, a saga that completely reordered my personal history. It made me feel powerful rather than helpless, and it allowed me to give up the role of victim.

“It also brought to mind the coaching of another teacher who told me, ‘Never ask a “why” question. There are no absolute answers to why questions. But if you absolutely have to ask why, at least have the good sense to make up an answer that pleases you.’

“Reframing the abuse has helped me to achieve peace of mind, and that is a joy.”

Adapted from The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity, by Edwene Gaines (Rodale Press, 2005). Copyright (c) 2005 by Edwene Gaines. Reprinted by permission of Rodale Press.
Adapted from The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity, by Edwene Gaines (Rodale Press, 2005).

44 comments

Abbe A.
Azaima A.3 years ago

thank you

Betsy M.
Betsy M.3 years ago

Excellent insight and guidance.

Patricia H.
Patricia H.3 years ago

thanks for sharing

Teresa Cowley
Teresa Cowley3 years ago

Blessings on this astute teacher who was able to take a tragedy and reframe it into a powerful tool for growth and change!
IMO, the other teacher was also as astute--If you MUST have an answer to "why", at least make it an answer you like!
As we can all see (and read), you are certainly no longer "powerless"--in claiming your power, you are now able to empower others!!
Many kudos to you, Annie!!

Elaine A.
Elaine Al Meqdad3 years ago

This bright young woman had the good sense to realize that one had two choices in life....The victim OR the survivor who refuses to carry a banner of victimization as we are all subject to some form of victimization over the course of our lived, She is truly and inspiration to all.

Jennifer C.
Past Member 4 years ago

Thanks.

Suze O.
Suze Q.4 years ago

Annie congratulations! I just cannot relate to your experience for I was fortunate to have wonderful loving and strong parents. It is obvious that this was a personal journey and how fortunate to have someone you trusted and respected show you how to focus through a different lens. You realize this is something you did all on your own and you should be very proud of yourself, what an amazing journey you made.

alex l.
alex l.4 years ago

no one accuses someone who was in a car accident and has to walk with crutches of "playing the victim". but if someone has been abused, and is showing signs of it?

well, they are just playing at victimhood, so lay into them - right?

Rosie Lopez
Rosie Lopez4 years ago

thank u

Jane Barton
Jane Barton4 years ago

People don't "choose" to be born or "choose" what family they are born into. It's just plain bad luck if we suffer childhood abuse. Once you've been abused the memory stays with you forever. Sometimes it eases with time but it never goes away. I don't think "framing it" or musing over it really does any good. What does help is good supportive friends and getting treated good by other people. Getting treated hatefully by other people will just bring you down and make you depressed all over again. I think it's important to surround yourself with happiness, whatever makes you happy. That might include music, good food, nice surroundings, sunshine and possibly sex for those who like that. But stay away from all pedophile infested cult "religions". They will destroy your life.