Communicating Better With Someone Who Has Alzheimer's

By Paula Spencer, Caring.com senior editor

It’s so easy to become frustrated when talking to someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s. It’s hard to know the “right” way to respond to the repetitive or odd things he sometimes says. You won’t be tongue-tied if you keep these simple communication techniques in mind.

How to start a conversation
When you want to start a conversation or ask a question, get the person’s attention in an obvious, direct way. Start by approaching him from the front and saying his name. This will help him focus on you and prevent catching him by surprise, which may set him on edge and make him less able to concentrate on the conversation. Someone who’s older may be somewhat deaf, and this direct approach also makes it easier for him to hear you.

Slow down your usual speaking style a bit. Enunciate your words to be as clear as possible. Also stay conscious of giving the person plenty of time to think about what you’ve said and to reply. Many people have a tendency to rush in and fill a silence with more words, which often only serves to agitate someone with Alzheimer’s or other dementias.

Another way you might need to alter your usual conversational style is to stick to common, plain words and short sentences whenever possible. (It’s like talking to a young child, though without using singsong baby talk.) Try to construct sentences that include only one main thought, ask only one question at a time, and give instructions one step at a time.

If the person doesn’t understand something you’ve said, repeat it exactly the way you said it the first time; that will give him more opportunities to figure it out. If you’ve asked a question that’s not connecting, ask it again the same way. Do this within reason, of course–if two or three repetitions fail, try rewording the message in different, simpler terms.

Next: Rely on nonverbal communication

Communicating Better With Someone Who Has Alzheimer’s originally appeared on Caring.com.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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Past Member .

10:46AM PDT on Jun 14, 2009

thanks...
Kabin
Konteyner

send a green star

Stuart G.

8:14AM PDT on May 8, 2009

Valerie,
I had an aunt who towards the end of her life falsely accussed my father of stealing her money. I do not remember her being diagnosed with Alzheimer's, but she was declining mentally. My mother has vascular dementia and she has become very fearful of a lot of things. She believes she has no money despite the fact she does. No matter what we do, my sister and I cannot convince her otherwise. You sister's false accusations might indicate this type of decline. It would probably be good if one of the children discussed these things with a doctor. Mediation has slowed down the progression of my mother's decline. Perhaps it could do the same with your sister.

Valerie N.

1:52AM PDT on May 8, 2009

Can someone please tell me---if you are a relative of someone with Alzheimer's, is it possible for that person to make false accusations of theft toward one? My sister has accused me of theft, which is untrue. She is also very forgetful "in general". She has not been diagnosed with anything, but her adult "children" often comment about her forgetfulness.

Pamela C.

10:53PM PDT on May 6, 2009

These are good communication ideas for talking with anyone. There are many times when I've had someone rush me with a spate of questions. I fix them with A Look and answer "yes, no, maybe". They usually get the message.

My father had Alzheimer's. He would make light of it, calling it Old Timer's. The last time I saw him was at Christmas time. It makes me cry, thinking about how he thanked me for my present and, a few minutes later, repeated his thanks, five or six times. Each time, I would smile and say "You're welcome, Dad". The Alzheimer's brought out a gentle and patient side of him. It was the same with my grandmother and I wonder if it will be the same with me.

Ellen M.

11:15PM PDT on May 5, 2009

My mother also has a form of dementia which is has bursts of violence. After trying to manage at home and failing she was placed in a private nursing home.. We tried and did more or less what is suggested in the article so don't worry if having done so its doesn't seem to work.

Its sound and helpful advice. I would add also.....not to raise your voice keep as calm as possible and keep in mind that even if they may not know you and you find it hard to see them in their present state, that does not cancel the past nor the love you shared.
I talk to my mother of happy moments in the past pretending she understands hoping in my heart that a little of what I may say gets though. As she often simply stares into space.

I wish I had read an article such as this when we first had to cope. It would have been of great help. Thank you.

Angela K.

9:56PM PDT on May 5, 2009

Thank You for this article. It was very informative and helpful

D O.

4:47PM PDT on May 5, 2009

You do need super-human patience when dealing with this situation. My mother has dementia and is in an Assisted Living facility. She has always been critical and demanding, and now factor in the repetition and obsessiveness, it becomes quite a challenge. I feel drained after only about a half hour! I try to make the visits last 1 to 2 hours otherwise she gets upset if they're too short, however it's no good if we're both feeling the tension. What would be a good length of time for visiting someone with dementia? My husband and dog come with me which helps act as a buffer and diversion to counteract her negative behavior towards me, but even that doesn't always work.

Richard B.

9:55AM PDT on May 5, 2009

Everything in this article is so true & also very useful for those who deal with this horrible disease. My Mother has dementia & I use these same communicating tips when talking to her. But patience is the key to relating to people with this problem. Knowledge is everything. Extremely good article. Thank you for sharing.
Richard B.