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Control is no Solution for the Problem of Fear

Control is no Solution for the Problem of Fear

Control is based on a mistake, and that mistake is rooted in separation. To be able to relinquish control the mistake has to be corrected. Learning that the world is safe doesn’t happen overnight.

The world as a whole is far too overwhelming, given all the fear and distrust each of us has inherited. But the love you have for one person is a safe zone and thus a good place to begin. The beloved is like a harbor in which your heart takes refuge.

In an indifferent and hostile universe, there is at least one person who understands, sympathizes, and provides for you. Somehow, miraculously, this one person is enough to cancel out the hostile world.

Every day brings many opportunities to replace controlling with allowing. If you can extend allowing to your beloved, the effect is to release you from attachment – both of you are spiritually served by the same act.

The key stances in letting go of control are all forms of allowing: acceptance, tolerance, nonresistance. Needing to control life, either yours or anyone else’s, is based on spiritual desperation.

Look at your interaction with your beloved and honestly confront any fear-based behavior you are exhibiting. When control is ready to loosen its grip, a definite relaxation takes place. The façade of the demanding, critical partner who is so quick to blame begins to melt. You start to feel love once more, not as an idea but as a sensation in your heart. And at last you find it possible to allow.

When this stage is reached with the beloved, the healing process begins to branch out into other aspects of your life.

Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).

Read more: Deepak Chopra's Tips, Spirit, , , ,

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Deepak Chopra

Acknowledged as one of the world's greatest leaders in the field of mind body medicine, Deepak Chopra, M.D. continues to transform our understanding of the meaning of health. Chopra is known as a prolific author of over 49 books with 12 best sellers on mind-body health, quantum mechanics, spirituality, and peace. A global force in the field of human empowerment, Dr. Chopra's books have been published in more than 35 languages with more than 20 million copies in print.


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8:00AM PDT on May 26, 2012

I used to be so in control of my life that control was taking over me. Everything something did'nt go according to the plan I would feel like it was'nt meant to happen.

2:47PM PDT on May 25, 2012

You ain't a kidd'n!

4:15AM PDT on May 23, 2012

We live in society, not on a desert island!

11:01PM PDT on May 22, 2012

that's a deep post - thanks for sharing.

4:39AM PDT on Aug 28, 2010

The problem with great advice such as this, is that is never gets read by the people who need it!!

11:32PM PDT on Apr 18, 2010

Interesting post.

3:37AM PDT on Mar 17, 2010

If we didn't have to fear, we would have no need to control. I can see how fear and control go together.

10:37AM PST on Mar 3, 2010

I've been letting go of control, and my life is so much easier and happier. I also don't have to take responsibility when things go wrong. Thanks for posting.

4:28AM PST on Jan 31, 2010

thank you, interesting and helpful

9:35AM PST on Jan 28, 2010

deadra - you don't say what the nature of the separation was, but in general separation for a young child is very destabilising indeed and can definitely lead to a desire to control the environment to make sure it doesn't happen again.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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