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Courageous Curiosity

Courageous Curiosity

Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.  ~James Stephens

Perhaps the single most over-looked attribute that has the potential to transform a life is curiosity.  An inborn trait that defines us as small children; it is through our eagerness to explore, desire to understand and to know our world and ourselves which predicts our capacity to learn, change and adapt. Our social network and the depth of the relationships within that network exists in proportion to our curiosity. Like most human attributes, our capacity for curiosity is developmental which means that it will grow given the proper conditions.

Curiosity is the seed of wonder in us and provides the easiest doorway to a positive outlook. It requires our full presence and like a good friend will guide our attention with high quality awareness and questions.  Many of us had this gift squelched too early to even notice it was gone.   Nothing kills curiosity faster than disapproval and fear. If the messages we grow up hearing mostly started with don’t, our curiosity goes underground. When we are not safe to wonder, to question, to get dirty looking for answers we close off  to much of the world.

A mind run by fear of disapproval and loneliness is a trap that literally slows down the thinking capacity. Like the hamster on a wheel, when our minds turn inward away from the vast possibility of life,  it is easy to get caught in repetitive and unhealthy thoughts. Instead of seeking out new people and new ideas, our minds close off  and slowly shut down to the wonder of being alive. Boredom is a symptom that describes a mind that has no way to reach beyond itself.

Lacking curiosity over time is how we lose access to our imagination. We accept any and all forms of projected entertainment to fill in the time.  Curiosity is active and makes you want to do and discover. It is wholly unlike the millions of wasted hours that we collectively spend in front of a screen, passively participating in life as it is handed to us. Worse still, is that spending our time passively does little to prepare us for the changes that life exacts. If you can’t be curious or imagine your life differently, then our response to change is also stuck.

One of the places where our lacking curiosity takes the biggest toll is in our sexual lives. Too many of us are so terrified to open up to new worlds and possibilities in the mystery of our sexuality, that our fear actually shuts down the libido all together. We long for sexual excitement and accept the packaged goods ready for easy download on line rather than risk taking action and trying out new behaviors in our body, or even asking questions of our intimate partners.  Without curiosity, we become numb, which explains the epidemic of people who cannot feel anything sexually. The key to this dilemma, begins with cultivating a mind in full presence  and practicing curiosity. Opening up to possibility, just even wondering about it will surprise you with the opportunities for more sexual satisfaction that exist in our own bedrooms.


Choosing to become more curious in any area in life will have positive benefits in all areas.   Practicing the art of opening the mind while staying present whether in a new city or in a long standing intimate conflict will change the landscape in front of you.   Start asking yourself why and why not when you hit a road block.  Seek out and experiment with  new flavors and scents, take time to really process the sensations on your tongue or in your nose.  Stay curious in the experience until you can trace the new neural pathways opening in your brain.  Scent and taste are some of the most visceral experiences we can trace that will wake up your brain in other areas.   Transferring these tips into the bedroom are sure to wake up your curiosity.  Dare yourself to get active doing something new next time you are bored.   Find the small things around you that makes you wonder.   Better still, try to do just one thing with someone you love that makes you wonder how you never did it before.


Read more: Guidance, Inspiration, Love, Making Love Sustainable, Relationships, Sex, , ,

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


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5:52PM PDT on Jun 26, 2011


6:38AM PDT on May 31, 2011

thank you

6:38AM PDT on May 31, 2011

thank you

12:46AM PDT on May 27, 2011

This is the most wonderful article. You describe curiosity and the lack thereof so well. I immigrated to Canada and very often find people very rigid in their thinking, never even thinking of asking the right questions to reach a solution or "This is the way we've always done this." It's so prevalent especially in older people. Fear in those in authority results in a need to control - a strong need to control. Very frustrating to live with this behaviour - but reading this article felt liberating..... Thanks !

12:29PM PDT on May 25, 2011

WOW! Thanks for this wonderful article,,,

2:09AM PDT on May 21, 2011

good tips

2:08AM PDT on May 21, 2011

good tips are given

12:51PM PDT on May 20, 2011

Great philosophy. I think you've identified something that has shut down a lot more than just our imagination in seeing ourselves as people. As a designer, it occurs to me that it is this lack of curiosity that curbs many people's ability to be creative in every way. The ability to ask "why not?" is something that is far too scarce today. Too many people are comfortable in the thought "that isn't possible", not because it can't be done, but simply because it hasn't been done before. The world needs to re-awaken their individual curiosities. "Why not?"

10:55AM PDT on May 20, 2011

thank you

7:37AM PDT on May 20, 2011

Nice. Thanks for sharing.

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