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Dating After Divorce? 3 Mistakes to Avoid

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Dating After Divorce? 3 Mistakes to Avoid

Written by Kimberly Pryor for YourTango

Whether you’ve already started dating after divorce, or you’re about to take the plunge, chances are good you’re going to be tempted to give in to three behaviors that will sabotage either your ability to move on from your marriage, or seriously reduce the chance you’ll find a wonderful new man. Here are three post-divorce dating dangers and how you can avoid them:

1. Thinking all guys are like your ex. Trusting a new man once you’ve been hurt by your ex-husband is difficult. Yet, if you don’t get rid of this distrust toward men it will destroy your chance of finding someone new. This distrust often shows up in online dating profiles when you say things like “no head games,” or “no dishonest men.” When you write those things in your profile, you’re broadcasting on a billboard that you’ve been hurt and that you’re distrustful.

You’ll scare away the men who have it together because they’ll recognize your distrust immediately. And most of the men who really do play head games or are dishonest haven’t admitted to themselves that they possess these massive flaws … this makes it likely that they aren’t going to stay away from you just because you ask them to in your profile. And when you do get into a relationship after divorce, even if the guy is faithful to you and is madly in love with you, you may not believe anything he says.

This can happen because in the back of your mind, you’ll have this ongoing chorus playing: “All men are just like my ex-husband. All men cheat. All men fall out of love and break up with you.” It plays like a country song accompanied by an out-of-tune guitar. Replace that chorus with something more melodious, something like: “I’m having a lot of fun getting to know my new man (or my date) and finding out what good qualities he has.” With each man you meet, you want to start with a clean slate.

Look at him as an individual. Notice all the ways your new man or date is different from your ex-husband. If you’re still having difficulties trusting men after divorce simply by using your logic, I have found one of the most effective ways to release your distrust is to use what’s called Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), which involves tapping on acupressure points. A good place to learn this technique is at The Rebuilding Your Life After Divorce Mountain Retreat

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47 comments

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7:51PM PDT on Oct 15, 2012

all 3 are issues. it's hard to open up again. luckily I have a very understanding and forgiving man now :)

9:40AM PDT on Sep 23, 2012

Good points.

8:57PM PDT on Sep 16, 2012

Good tips and good luck!

5:28PM PDT on Sep 16, 2012

Great advice for anyone getting out of a relationship, even if it wasn't a marriage.

7:09AM PDT on Sep 14, 2012

Very good...

11:13AM PDT on Sep 13, 2012

good tips and reminders

1:53PM PDT on Sep 12, 2012

noted thanks

12:22PM PDT on Sep 12, 2012

Thanks!!

8:12AM PDT on Sep 12, 2012

Hmmm...interesting....wonder if these tips would work with dating after widowhood?

12:51AM PDT on Sep 12, 2012

Life is a crapshoot, just make sure that both sets of luggage are emptied!!!

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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Thanks for sharing

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Good tips,thanks for sharing

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