Do Apples Need to be So Crazy?
So the Mayan Apocalypse came and went, and now we have to clean up the mess we thought we were leaving for the fire and brimstone to sweep away. Where shall we start? The shameful state of our ecosystem? Our budgetary missteps? Or maybe just cleaning up reality television once and for all? Maybe we should start simple with something called Crazy Apples? No, this is not a distant cousin to those rumored razorblade laced apples handed out to unsuspecting trick-or-treaters in the 1970s. Instead these are regular old apples with a little bit of craziness added in the form of “tropical blast,” “pomegranate grape” and “bubble gum” flavoring. Yes, for cynical minded children, apples are not quite appealing enough on their own, so they need to be doctored to taste a bit like junk food. The business-minded creators of the “Crazy Apples” call them “magic” as they are loathe to reveal their secret recipe or ingredients (only to say they have no added sugars or preservatives, and are made with “natural ingredients”), whereas I just call them “Crapples” for short.
Sure, maybe I am being a bit unfair grabbing for such low hanging fruit (forgive the pun) but one can’t help feeling that there exists very few limits in the collective dumbing down of consumer culture, and with so much of it starting with our children. To be sure, the “Crapple” people didn’t exactly originate the concept of flavoring apples and marketing them. That honor goes to the Gr apple people who, a few years back, came up with a remarkably similar grape-flavored apple that was achieved by dunking apples in a grape-flavored bath. The apples, through their permeable skin, absorbed the flavor within the flesh of the fruit. Presumably this is, more or less, how the “Crapple” people achieve the same result.
Is it not enough that many, if not most, apples are consumed in sliced Crunch-Pak form? Do we really need to cheapen the apple eating experience with bubble gum flavor? Isn’t a ripe Fuji or Cameo apple enough of a pleasure?