Do You Like You?

Do I like myself in this relationship?

Two very similar questions, but at the same time, very different.

I remember being in relationships and looking in the mirror only to think “who is this person?” I could barely recognize my own reflection because at times my behavior was the anti-thesis of who I am and who I wanted to be. It had gotten to a point in one relationship that I could not believe who I had become. I was this woman putting up with behavior from my partner that I would go screaming into the night if any of my friends would do this in their lives.

I liked myself, but I did not like myself in this relationship. I did not like the person who I had become and most especially that I could not seem to control my reactions to his “bad” behavior.

After hours, actually months, of therapy, I realized that if I was going to come out of this even half alive and the person that I knew myself to be, that I had to figure a way out of this dysfunctional abyss. It was a matter of my mental sanity that I embarked on a vigorous journey of self introspection to understand why I was in a relationship with someone that brought out the worst in me instead of the best in me.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Zee K.

11:16PM PDT on Apr 20, 2013

Some relationships are toxic.

April 20
send a green star

Patricia H.

1:10PM PDT on May 17, 2012

thanks for sharing

May 17
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JL A.

8:13AM PDT on Mar 26, 2012

Interesting assessment tool when applied to all relationships for identifying the healthy vs. unhealthy

March 26
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Irene S.

12:16PM PST on Mar 6, 2012

Great article! You can put this problem in such eloquent words. I like what you have to say and I think a lot of people could use this advice.

March 6
send a green star

Tim C.

5:29PM PST on Feb 24, 2012

February 24
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LMj S.

5:27PM PST on Feb 24, 2012

good info, thank you

Jessi A.

4:27PM PST on Feb 20, 2012

This article is so true. But I don't believe in love anymore. I don't think it is possible. I thought I was in love, but I have no idea what it feels like, because I was with someone a year who didnt love me. Not that way. Why did it feel so meaningful when we made love? why did he cry once when he told me how much he loved me, that he'd do anything to be with me, and then break up with me 2 days later? He made me believe he loved me. Now I don't know what love is. I dont believe in it.

February 20
send a green star

Past Member .

9:39PM PST on Feb 13, 2012

I have learned through horrible relationships
that I must love me and defend me when necessary
and I must be on my own side.

It used to be, in any disagreement,
the other was on his/her side.

I was on his/her side.

Nobody was on my side.

Co-dependent no more!
I am single and free and happy.
I am on my side. I will fight for me.
It doesn't help anyone
to let them put mistreatment
on the karmic wheel at my expense.
What goes around comes around.

The greater love is not to allow "them"
to put it on the karmic wheel.
That is not love. That is stupidity
which also harms the other person
as I allow him/her to "destroy" me.

No more victim.
No more passive aggressive.

I love me enough to be on my side,
to defend me in whatever ethical way
I need to defend me.

Next to my Higher Power,
who is always on my side,
I am my own best friend.

I give myself a big hug.
"I love you, Zee."