Do I like myself in this relationship?
Two very similar questions, but at the same time, very different.
I remember being in relationships and looking in the mirror only to think “who is this person?” I could barely recognize my own reflection because at times my behavior was the anti-thesis of who I am and who I wanted to be. It had gotten to a point in one relationship that I could not believe who I had become. I was this woman putting up with behavior from my partner that I would go screaming into the night if any of my friends would do this in their lives.
I liked myself, but I did not like myself in this relationship. I did not like the person who I had become and most especially that I could not seem to control my reactions to his “bad” behavior.
After hours, actually months, of therapy, I realized that if I was going to come out of this even half alive and the person that I knew myself to be, that I had to figure a way out of this dysfunctional abyss. It was a matter of my mental sanity that I embarked on a vigorous journey of self introspection to understand why I was in a relationship with someone that brought out the worst in me instead of the best in me.