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Do You Suffer in Silence?
Emotional boundaries are passed on from one generation to the next. Therapists can spend years with some patients before they will open up. Respect your defenses even while working to dissolve them. Inner walls don’t come crashing down; they melt. So don’t think anyone expects you to bravely assault your defenses and plunge through them like a warrior. Your greatest weapons are willingness, honesty, and patience.
Having made a space for trusting yourself, you now need someone else to trust. Healing is not a matter of solitary work. Don’t automatically put your best friend, spouse, or big sister at the top of your list. Be objective about who is emotionally available and who isn’t. Look for someone who is tolerant and accepting of their own flaws, someone who listens well and doesn’t impose their own judgments on others.
These are people you can begin to trust. Approach such a person and ask permission to share one kind of distress that you really want to talk about. Sharing is crucial, for if you expect them to be open to you, it is only fair that you be open to them.
Your intention is to bring shy, hidden, embarrassing, guilty, or shameful energies to view. This exposure sets the stage for dealing with these energies.
Adapted from The Deeper Wound: Recovering the Soul from Fear and Suffering, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2001).
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7 comments
add your comment »I wish I had more friends that I could trust like mentioned above.
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If our friends are really and truly our friends, we will never be a burden to them! Nor them to us. My best friend is always available. Last week I called him at 5 a.m. He answered the phone and, before I could say anything, he asked: "do you want me to go there now?". I laughed.I just wanted to talk...And we talked, and talked--and then everything seemed much better. I can't live without my friends!
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I reiterate that one must protect oneself. Sometimes we trust another with too much information and they use it to attempt to control us.
Be careful and selective in choosing whom to trust and whom to not trust.
Trust your gut and intuition!
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The time to end ones own suffering and be ready to say yes to life, will show itself when we are ready for it.
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This is true but we always have to be careful with whom we entrust our secrets..not everyone is for everything. Sometimes we choose the wrong people for the right things and the right things for the wrong people. My advice - listen to your inner voice is the right spirit that guides us.
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I have spend a life time listening to others, and find that is what is expected of me. I know I created this circle, yet wonder how to make at least a tiny opening for me to become more of me.
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One of the most challenging obstacles for me is not wanting to "burden" others with my passing problems. But it is so true that we all need a trusting friend/person with whom we can just unload and not be judged.
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