START A PETITION 27,000,000 members: the world's largest community for good
START A PETITION
x

Does Mom Really Know Best?

  • 1 of 3
Does Mom Really Know Best?

Carol Bradley Bursack, AgingCare.com

Witnessing our parents’ aging process can be painful. Some people find the pain so unbearable that they find reasons to be angry with their parents. Some use other distancing behaviors so they feel justified in withdrawing. Most of us don’t go to this extreme, but many of us find that occasionally we’ll look at one or both of our parents and feel a shockwave go through us.

“They are getting old!”

I am a daughter who has experienced the shock of watching your parent’s age before your eyes. Even though, for the greater part of my life, I lived in the same community as my parents and saw them often—or maybe because of that fact—their aging came at me, during certain moments in time, like punches to the gut. You may be experiencing a similar reaction.

These people once took care of our needs. Now they need—or may soon need—our help. While it’s not logical thinking, we can feel a little betrayed. The child inside of us rebels. We don’t want our parents to grow old and frail, for our sake, not just theirs. We can begin to feel kind of “orphaned.”

Caring for Parents Who Didn’t Care for You

Reflections on our Childhood

Nearly every childhood leaves us with mixed memories. Even siblings raised together by the same parents can have wildly differing views on how their shared childhood played out. For most of us, there are times when we think, “Hmm, Mom was right about that.” Other times, we know for certain she was wrong. The same goes for Dad, of course, but we’re addressing Mom in this particular article.

Bringing Out a Caregiver’s Inner Optimist
30 Quotes and Inspirations for Caregivers
How to Handle an Elderly Parent’s Bad Behavior

Did Your Mother Really Know Best originally appeared on AgingCare.com

  • 1 of 3

Read more: Aging, Caregiving, Children, Family, , , ,

have you shared this story yet?

go ahead, give it a little love

AgingCare.com

AgingCare.com connects family caregivers and provides support, resources, expert advice and senior housing options for people caring for their elderly parents. AgingCare.com is a trusted resource that visitors rely on every day to find inspiration, make informed decisions, and ease the stress of caregiving.

36 comments

+ add your own
7:49AM PDT on Oct 12, 2011

thanks!

7:55PM PDT on Sep 30, 2011

fantastic article :)

4:40AM PDT on Sep 29, 2011

There is no shame in growing old, growing old with major health problems that are preventable, such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high blood sugar, all of which in people in their 40s & 50s left unchecked will end folks in rest homes in their 60s & 70s. These conditions are preventable through a healthy diet, exercise, etc. While its few some people are predisposed to these conditions, the vast majority of people have these conditions due to lifestyle. I have lost too many family members due to diabetes, strokes, etc. Irregardless, when our parents do age & become frail, either due to health problems associated to lifestyle, or due to natural causes, it can leave us feeling vulnerable. We are used to thinking of our parents as strong, capable, & self reliant. When we find ourselves having to parent our parents, especially when its over a long period of time, & it delays or sidelines plans we had for our own lives, it can create some resentment, especially if we become the caretaker. There are however resources, such as adult daycare programs, a variety of classes at senior centers, etc. I also agree with another poster who said, death is a natural part of aging, coming to terms with the fact our parents will pass away & being prepared before hand, will save one a lot of anguish & stress, & can protect one's parents. An advanced directive, power of attorney, will/trust/living trust, & having your plots or even funeral prepaid c

6:31PM PDT on Sep 26, 2011

Thanks!

1:09AM PDT on Sep 26, 2011

The title of the article does not match with the first 2 paragraphs of the article. Witnessing your parents growing old and the entire gamut of emotions and behaviours related to it is a different concept theme not well incorporated in this article or related to the title. Here you are talking about all what your mother did that sounded so wrong and your behaviour was so right eg. eating all and leaving plate half filled..
Then you were a growing child and required to eat the full portion, besides a discipline was being instilled where one should not waste food that so many in the world sleep without and after a certain age eating a little less than you think you require is again a discipline one could have to maintain oneself well.
Cleaning the house was another discipline that any mother/parent would want their children to have because it means you are managing time, money, resources well besides living in a clean hygienic environment... etc., etc….
In every generation children find their parents not okay and only when they grow up and mature that they would realize that parents are well meaning people, only at times their way of showing it might go amiss.
Sorry but A little muddled thinkink in the article...
Maya

1:09AM PDT on Sep 26, 2011

The title of the article does not match with the first 2 paragraphs of the article. Witnessing your parents growing old and the entire gamut of emotions and behaviours related to it is a different concept theme not well incorporated in this article or related to the title. Here you are talking about all what your mother did that sounded so wrong and your behaviour was so right eg. eating all and leaving plate half filled..
Then you were a growing child and required to eat the full portion, besides a discipline was being instilled where one should not waste food that so many in the world sleep without and after a certain age eating a little less than you think you require is again a discipline one could have to maintain oneself well.
Cleaning the house was another discipline that any mother/parent would want their children to have because it means you are managing time, money, resources well besides living in a clean hygienic environment... etc., etc….
In every generation children find their parents not okay and only when they grow up and mature that they would realize that parents are well meaning people, only at times their way of showing it might go amiss.
Sorry but A little muddled thinkink in the article...
Maya

11:16AM PDT on Sep 25, 2011

Debra M said it best. Thanks Debra & Care2. I still think I had the best Mom.

8:01AM PDT on Sep 25, 2011

My mother, too, had to have the place perfect for visitors.( In some ways I was a disappointing daughter.)

12:43AM PDT on Sep 25, 2011

Thanks for the article.

10:39PM PDT on Sep 24, 2011

Trust me, your child's 'shock' of seeing you age is nothing compared to when you look in the mirror and see your new look as you age....wrinkles, sun spots, grey hair, sagging skin, and my personal favorite....chin hairs.
Ha, You say! Well, Ha! I said, and here I am.
Feeling emotionally more composed, and unchanged about many things I like about myself. Feeling clearer about my children, and my expectations of them. Grateful for such a full life, and occasionally irritated when I find I am treated like I have lost my mind, when in fact I am thinking how much fun I am having.
And frankly how boring this attitude anyone must be forgiving of my life. Wrinkles do not the person make. And really, who wants to be cured of aging. The alternative is so very permanent...until the next lifetime!

add your comment



Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

people are talking

Thanks for the article.

Sorry ma'am! We don't stock that part, gonna' have to order it. Take a couple days and have to revis…

I'd like to add, however, it's most important to acquire emotional and spiritual health with can not…

CONTACT THE EDITORS



Select names from your address book   |   Help
   

We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.