Dog vs. Cat Diary

This classic dog versus cat diary has been circulating the internet for years, maybe since the advent of internet humor. However, I was not able to find the original author so this humor-filled comparison between felines and canines remains anonymous (if you know who the original author is, please let me know!).  Personally, I just read it for the first time last month, so I thought it was worth sharing it with Care2 readers. Whether you have read it before or are reading it for the first time, ENJOY!

 

The Dog’s Diary

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM – Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

 

Next: Cat’s Diary

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities.

However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He has obviously gone mad.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.

 

Related:
A Cat’s Map of the Bed
What’s Your Animal Personality Type?

230 comments

Jonathan Harper
Jonathan Harperabout a year ago

Noted

Julia Cabrera-Woscek
Julia Cabrera-Woscekabout a year ago

See the difference? LOL

Jennifer Manzi
Jennifer Manziabout a year ago

Did they google image 'most pissed fuckin cat ever'

Laurie j.
Laurie jopeabout a year ago

Thanks

Jonathan Harper
Jonathan Harper1 years ago

scary

Vicky P.
Vicky P1 years ago

lol

Panchali Yapa
Panchali Yapa1 years ago

Thank you

Brad H.
Brad Harada1 years ago

I like zefrank's "Sad Cat Diary" on YouTube. I'll just leave that link here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKffm2uI4dk

MJ J.
Past Member 1 years ago

My son used to say we have a dog who thinks she's a cat and a cat who thinks she's a dog

froudji thommes
froudji thommes1 years ago

The dog goes & thinks: "Hmmm, they feed me, they pet me, they must be Gods!"
The cat goes & thinks. "Hmmm, they feed me, they pet me, HEY! I MUST BE GOD!!!"