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Dog vs. Cat Diary











The Cat’s Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities.

However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He has obviously gone mad.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.


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Cherise Udell

Cherise Udell is a mom, clean air advocate, anthropologist and feline aficionado with the nomadic habit of taking spontaneous sojourns to unusual destinations. Before her adventures in motherhood, she was an intrepid Amazon jungle guide equipped with a pair of sturdy wellingtons and a 24-inch machete, as well as a volunteer at a rainforest animal rescue center.


+ add your own
3:53PM PDT on Mar 16, 2014

Great fun!

11:48AM PDT on Mar 9, 2014

So true, so true. We get to own dogs, but cats are the masters of their own little universes. How funny!

7:03AM PDT on Mar 9, 2014

Nice to see something just plain funny on this site

2:49PM PST on Mar 7, 2014

thanks. I loved reading this thou Ive seen this before.

3:21AM PST on Mar 7, 2014

great !!!

3:50AM PST on Mar 4, 2014

Thanks :)

8:51PM PST on Feb 18, 2014

thnx for sharing

12:26AM PST on Feb 12, 2014

cats looks very funny n cute

3:55PM PST on Feb 9, 2014

Yes, I have always loved this, so funny! I often think, when cats, wend themselves about your legs "must try this at the top of the stairs". Very clever and very funny.

11:45PM PST on Feb 4, 2014

luking so innocent :*

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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