Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: A Human Sexual History

The recent focus on the military Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy of dealing with sexual orientation is forcing us all to reflect on our own comfort levels around sexual identity. For over seventeen years we have preferred silence and lies to the truth about the sexual identity of fellow soldiers. It is not just in the military that this preference has directed our lives and it isn’t just around sexual orientation that we uphold the silence and secrecy which impacts what sexual identity means to all of us.

Frankly it is a breath of fresh air the day that District Court Judge Virginia Phillips ruled that this policy of selective ignorance and enforced lies about sexual orientation was both in violation of first amendment rights and unconstitutional. Her immediate worldwide injunction against the policy is a significant leap, requiring all of us to re-think our discomfort with sexual identity. The fear that open acknowledgment of different sexual preferences would be disruptive to military performance is as archaic and untrue as the historic fears that kept African Americans and whites from serving side by side.

In fact, several reports and studies of armed forces around the world have demonstrated repeatedly that not only would the repeal of the don’t ask, don’t tell policy not create any substantial disruption, but would actually improve the morale and cohesion of the service units. “Research has uniformly shown that transitions to policies of equal treatment without regard to sexual orientation have been highly successful and have had no negative impact on morale, recruitment, retention, readiness or overall combat effectiveness.”

This is not surprising because the truth is that maintaining lies and secrecy is at least as disruptive as facing the truth. The military policy is perhaps the largest institutional example of the silence, fear and discomfort that most people associate with most aspects of sexual identity. Our historic policies of non-education about everything sexual is an even more primary example of how we live and die by the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy which the military has put into code.

Let’s be clear that it is not just sexual orientation that creates moral judgment and discomfort, although that is the topic that draws most of the media attention. Maybe that is because it allows us to all look away from the myriad other sexual dysfunction issues that plague our society. Little media attention is paid to the 27 million sexual slaves that make up a vast underground sexual economy. We avert our eyes to the sexualized culture that promotes hooking up as a form of teen recreation. Sexual dysfunction issues that plague millions of marriages–all these topics and more fall squarely in the don’t-ask-don’t-tell category of life.

Human sexuality is one of the most basic elemental and essential ways that we know who we are. Everyone is born sexual and the range of sexual orientation, preferences and confusion that exists today is well documented throughout most of human history. In some historical periods it was the religious institutions that passed on the rituals and rites associated with coming to understand ourselves sexually, in other cultures sexual self understanding was part of coming of age. Dismantling the don’t ask and don’t tell mandates that have imprisoned all of us may just be the breath of fresh air that we all need to forgive, normalize, accept the mystery and beauty of being a sexual human.

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Patricia H.

12:17PM PDT on Apr 30, 2012

thanks for sharing

April 30
send a green star

Akay E.

12:25PM PST on Mar 9, 2012

Sesli Chat Sesli Sohbet Kamerali Sohbet Eglenceli Chat Sitesi Seslichat

March 9
send a green star

Carolyn B.

7:09AM PDT on Jun 11, 2011

Some might not like showering in front of another person because of that person's sexual preference, others might not want to shower in front of a person of a certain race or cultural group, or in front of people they don't know, or showering in the cold, or at a certain time of day - tough crap. If you're an easily upset person who gets uncomfortable with normal parts of life like dealing with people you dislike in a professional manner, don't join the military, stay home and hide in your own bathroom shower. I'm as uncomfortable around stupid people as some of you are around gays, but I don't expect anyone to make unconstitutional laws to protect me from my discomfort. Get the F over it.

June 11
send a green star

Nimue P.

9:23PM PDT on Jun 10, 2011

Noted, thanks.

June 10
send a green star

David P.

10:44AM PDT on Apr 8, 2011

It doesn't matter who you love or how you love--only *that* you love.

April 8
send a green star

Wanda W.

10:09AM PDT on Apr 8, 2011

It is so easy to hate and so hard to love

Charles W.

4:35PM PST on Jan 5, 2011

This decision is not good for the military. That's what's important here, the military. What straight man or woman wants to shower naked in front of a gay? It would be like forcing men and women to shower together. This is unfair to many just to appease a few.

January 5
send a green star

Adam K.

10:18AM PST on Dec 22, 2010

I fell that homosexuality is obviously a deviant condition arising from want for companionship that can easily be cured with repetitive heterosexual copulation, until hetero by habit and repetition. In extreme cases hypnosis can be used to reinforce the heterosexual act and hetero sex cues. Full marriage at an early age, in a perfect society would be the goal.