Drawing a Line in the… Pants?

These are my pants. They are my favorite pants. They are my only pants… that fit. These are my pants.

When you’re 5 feet, 2 inches tall and you pack on a couple dozen therapeutic pounds, your pants get relegated, one “nope, too tight” pair at a time, to the back corner of the closet. It keeps you from feeling suicidal every single day when you go there to get dressed and find many pairs of pants that you can’t put on. I move them out so I can choose from a stack of pants that will say yes to me when called upon. It turns out that once the migration begins, if you don’t make any changes to your lifestyle, you’ll soon be down to one pair of pants. Who knew?

I, unlike many of my weight-volatile friends, only keep clothing in one size… the size that fits me. I refuse keep a “range” of sizes because I’ve been paying enough attention to notice that humans tend to go just about as far as you let them. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about spending money, flirting, talking back, speeding, or calories. It’s our nature to stop pushing right about the time that we can’t get away with it anymore. I guess what I’m saying is, I like boundaries.

As my size 12 pants and beloved collection of blue jeans made their way to the back of my closet last year, I purchased two pairs of fabulous size 14 jeans at the consignment store down the street. I hated expanding to a two size girl, but had no other choice if I was to leave the house in anything but yoga pants until something… uh, shifted in relationship with food. Yesterday, when I was putting on one of my two pair of jeans, the zipper broke. I just stood there, staring at those broken pants, contemplating what life with one pair of pants feels like. It is… humbling, as one might imagine.

It’s all kind of sad because my beautiful, carefully chosen favorite-in-the-whole-world, size 12 pants are still here, stacked neatly up in the “You Can’t Touch This” corner. I’ve been on this new path for a little while now – stumbling through food changes and a truly ungraceful but loving relationship with Kundalini Yoga, and the precious three pounds I’ve lost are just the beginning of what stands between me and those pants.

My wonderful wife offered to buy me more pants, but the truth is I don’t want more size 14 pants. I want my pants… my pants. I want my ass to fit in my pants, and perhaps it’s sick but I find a strange comfort in knowing that I simply can’t go any further in that direction. If I go back to living the old way, I’m going have to do it pants free. I grabbed my last pair of blue jeans off the shelf and said, “Well, I guess it’s just you and me… and we’ve got some work to do.”

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Sarah M.
Sarah M.4 years ago

know the feeling

Krista R.
Krista R.4 years ago

Been there! Still there :o/.

Deanna Murphy
Cindy Murphy4 years ago

I have SOOOO been there.

Sandy D.
Sandy Davitian4 years ago

Loved this article. Been there, done that. LOL

Santanita G.
Santanita G.4 years ago

good luck with getting back to your pants. This was one article I enjoyed reading, thank you.

heather g.
heather g.4 years ago

Fortunately I enjoy exercising - whether in cardio class or working out on equipment at least 4 times a week. Unfortunately, my extra pounds enjoy hanging around.
Good thing I believe that being fit is more important than my clothes size.....

Tana Martin
Tana D.4 years ago

I had 1 pair of pants for the longest time, because I couldn't bear to spend money on more pants in that size when I knew I needed and wanted to lose weight. Eventually I got off my butt dropped 2 sizes and bought a few pairs of new smaller pants. Of course, I've now lost my zeal and the pounds are creeping back on and those nice, new pants are getting a bit tight. But I refuse to buy new larger ones because it's my own weird way of telling myself to get back to working out. I used to keep pants from years ago but I got rid of all of those. I realized that even when I would be able to fit into them again that I wouldn't wear them. My style now is different than it was 6 yrs ago when I was 18!

Olivia Offline S.
Past Member 4 years ago

Funny....thanks for sharing

Lupe G.
Lupe G.4 years ago

I used to be athletic & a size 4/5. I too, am only 5'3" so finding those perfect-fitting jeans has always been a struggle.
I graduated college & in the pursuit of "growing-up", I grew out to a size 12/14! I was mortified! Gradually, I began to see that petite girls were just as miserable as I was being fat because although they looked fantastic, they couldn't eat a thing & they spent every waking hour looking for the next best way to keep their shape. I didn't resort to crazy diets, nor did I go all gun-ho on the workouts; I simply looked for something fun & active to do & reduced my caloric intake until my body was burning more than I ate. I accept that at my age, I may never again be a 4/5 & that's okay (I can work toward it but it's not my goal). I just want to be fit & healthy & able to wear things with comfort. I knew being bigger had to end simply because I was tired all the time & couldn't funtion as well as a fit person could. I also knew that I wsa using food as comfort because I wasn't going out to do fun activities. I filled that void with walks & WII video games. I am now down to a 10 & am striving towards losing all the giggly oarts (lol), so that should idealy put me at about a size 7/8. Whomever said "no pain no gain" should have thought of fun activities & should have instead said "no gain, no pain, if you do what's right for the right reasons"!

Lynda G.
L G.4 years ago

It's winter is here and waltzing around naked just won't do so I have my 4 sizes sorted and I'm not getting rid of any of them!