Dying to Be Me – Book Giveaway!

We are giving away a copy of Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing by Anita Moorjani. Check out this excerpt and don’t forget to leave a comment for your chance to win the book!

The Day I “Died”

Oh my God, I feel incredible! I’m so free and light! How come I’m not feeling any more pain in my body? Where has it all gone? Hey, why does it seem like my surroundings are moving away from me? But I’m not scared! Why am I not scared? Where has my fear gone? Oh wow, I can’t find the fear anymore!

These were some of my thoughts as I was being rushed to the hospital. The world around me started to appear surreal and dreamlike, and I could feel myself slip farther and farther away from consciousness and into a coma. My organs were beginning to shut down as I succumbed to the cancer that had ravaged—no, devoured—my body for the past four years.

It was February 2, 2006, a day that will be etched in my memory forever as the day I “died.”

Although in a coma, I was acutely aware of everything that was happening around me, including the sense of urgency and emotional frenzy of my family as they rushed me to the hospital. When we arrived, the moment the oncologist saw me, her face filled with shock.

“Your wife’s heart may still be beating,” she told my husband, Danny, “but, she’s not really in there. It’s too late to save her.”

Who is the doctor talking about? I wondered. I’ve never felt better in my life! And why do Mum and Danny look so frightened and worried? Mum, please don’t cry. What’s wrong? Are you crying because of me? Don’t cry! I’m fine, really, dear Mama, I am!

I thought I was speaking those words aloud, but nothing came out. I had no voice.

I wanted to hug my mother, comfort her and tell her that I was fine, and I couldn’t comprehend why I was unable to do so. Why was my physical body not cooperating? Why was I just lying there, lifeless and limp, when all I wanted to do was to hug my beloved husband and mother, assuring them that I was fine and no longer in pain?

Look, Danny—I can move around without my wheelchair. This feels so amazing! And I’m not connected to the oxygen tank anymore. Oh wow, my breathing is no longer labored, and my skin lesions are gone! They’re no longer weeping and painful. After four agonizing years, I’m finally healed!

I was in a state of pure joy and jubilation. Finally, I was free from the pain caused by the cancer that had ravaged my body. I wanted them to be happy for me. Why weren’t they happy that my struggle was finally over, that their struggle was over? Why weren’t they sharing my jubilation? Couldn’t they see the joy I was feeling?

“Please, there must be something you can do,” Danny and my mother pleaded with the doctor.

“It’s only a matter of hours for her,” the oncologist argued. “Why didn’t your other doctors send her to us earlier? Her organs are already shutting down, and that’s why she has slipped into a coma. She won’t even make it through the night. You’re asking for the impossible. Whatever we administer at this stage could prove too toxic and fatal for her body, as her organs aren’t even functioning!”

“Well, maybe,” Danny insisted, “but I’m not giving up on her!”

My husband held my limp hand tightly as I lay there, and I was aware of the combination of anguish and helplessness in his voice. I wanted more than anything to relieve him of his suffering. I wanted him to know how wonderful I was feeling, but I felt helpless in trying to convey it.

Don’t listen to the doctor, Danny; please don’t listen to her! Why is she saying that? I’m still here, and I’m fine. Better than fine—in fact, I feel great!

I couldn’t understand why, but I experienced what everyone was going through—both my family members as well as the doctor. I could actually feel their fear, anxiety, helplessness, and despair. It was as though their emotions were mine. It was as though I became them.

I’m feeling your pain, darling—I can feel all your emotions. Please don’t cry for me, and tell Mum not to cry for me, either. Please tell her!

But as soon as I started to get emotionally attached to the drama taking place around me, I also felt myself being simultaneously pulled away, as though there were a bigger picture, a grander plan that was unfolding. I could feel my attachment to the scene receding as I began to realize that everything was perfect and going according to plan in the greater tapestry.

It was then that the realization truly set in that I was actually dying.

Ohh . . . I’m dying! Is this what it feels like? It’s nothing like I ever imagined. I feel so beautifully peaceful and calm . . . and I feel healed at last!

I then understood that even if my physical body stopped, everything is still perfect in the greater tapestry of life, for we never truly die.

I was still acutely aware of every detail unfolding before me as I observed the medical team wheeling my near-lifeless body to the intensive care unit. They were surrounding me in an emotional frenzy, hooking me up to machines while poking and prodding with needles and tubes.

I felt no attachment to my limp body as it lay there on the hospital bed. It didn’t feel as though it were mine. It looked far too small and insignificant to house what I was experiencing. I felt free, liberated, and magnificent! Every pain, ache, sadness, and sorrow was gone. I was completely unencumbered, and I couldn’t recall feeling this way before—not ever.

I then had a sense of being encompassed by something that I can only describe as pure, unconditional love, but even the word love doesn’t do it justice. It was the deepest kind of caring, and I’d never experienced it before. It was beyond any physical form of affection that we can imagine, and it was unconditional—this was mine, regardless of what I’d ever done. I didn’t have to do anything or behave a certain way to deserve it. This love was for me, no matter what!

I felt completely bathed and renewed in this energy, and it made me feel as though I belonged, as though I’d finally arrived after all those years of struggle, pain, anxiety, and fear.

I had finally come home.

The above excerpt is taken from the book Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing by Anita Moorjani. It is published by Hay House (Available Mar. 1, 2012) and available at all bookstores or online at: www.hayhouse.com.

WIN THE BOOK! Enter a comment below and you will automatically be entered to win a copy of Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing by Anita Moorjani. Winner will be announced on April 17 (winner will be notified via Care2 profile). Good luck!

CONGRATULATIONS TO:

Calahan M.

Winner: Please email Samantha at samanthas@care2team.com to claim your new book. Thanks to everyone who entered!

59 comments

Rodney P.
Rod P.3 years ago

The article and extracts from the book highlighted so many deeply personal emotions and feelings that so many of us battle with. The truth of how damaging not having self-love is is hugely significant and must never be overlooked. Thank you for the reminder of how special each of ours lives are Anita, and that we must live without fear, because it is that very thing that can turn inwards on us and cause what we dread most.

Suzanne Serio
Suzanne Serio3 years ago

Great to wake up and read something so inspirational! Thank you!

SLK S.
SLK S.3 years ago

liberating.....interesting!

Patty B.
Patty B.3 years ago

I hope it is true as I still cry for the loss of family members .....
and now a brother has lymphoma ...still going through treatment and stats look good .

Gaby D.
Gaby D.3 years ago

This is one of the many stories that tell us the same thing - could it be that there is something we need to pay attention to? I'd say, YES, definitely! Especially the fact that we need to LOVE ourselves, and be good to ourselves. Reading this today was a very timely 'reminder' for me, and as I do not believe in coincedences......I think it is about time I act accordingly.
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story Anita Moorjani - May you live in love and happiness!
Namaste!

Janice H
Janice Hoffman3 years ago

Whenever I read about another's experience of the other side, I feel closer to the experience itself. What courage it takes to write about such a personal experience.

Jennifer L.
Jennifer L.4 years ago

This book is too amazing! I bought one, but before i have a chance to read it, i have given it away. I would like to read it so that i can help people with cancer or any kind of illnesses get well. Thank you!

Mysti Moon
Mysti Moon4 years ago

Just this little excerpt left me with emotional tears! I will HAVE to read this book! I hope the library gets it! It is awesome!
I have many friends who are cancer victors!

Sophie Horste
Sophie Horste4 years ago

This give me so much hope! I would love to read the rest.

ej Gowling
beth Gowling4 years ago

Saw Anita on Wayne Dwyer, public television show, and her story is truly amazing, and since then I have wanted to read her book. That is one question many people have as to what happens to us after death, and it's nice to hear a positive side of a near death experiende.