Each Moment Is New: Lessons From Motherhood

I have no idea how to do this.

I realize this truth at some point every day. When it hits me, I get roller-coaster belly and jelly knees, as the ground I thought I was standing on is suddenly gone. All that I had so proudly figured out yesterday no longer applies today. The knowledge that I’m flying blind, winging it, somehow left in charge of the entire well-being of this tiny human, is petrifying.

Before I had a baby I was barely able to keep plants alive. In fact, I prided myself on it. I was too full of myself, my work, to attend to the needs of dependents. I never babysat, didn’t have any aspirations for spending large amounts of time with kids and was uncomfortable holding newborns.

But now I have a daughter, a baby girl who is hungry, tired and screaming in the back seat because I still can’t figure out how to run errands, take care of the dog, see friends and get home in time for dinner and a bath before she passes out with tear-streaked cheeks squished against the car seat. At those moments, I close my eyes and tell myself (out loud) that I am not failing at this — but I usually don’t believe it.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Kirsten B.

4:03AM PDT on May 8, 2011

Wonderful piece Kiri - and you have led a very interesting life.

Ugly truth moments with friends showed how so many of us felt we had no 'me' left - no time or energy for self, putting everything on the highest, most dusty shelf, to be dealt with once our little charges were grown up and had flown the nest ...

Then we started listening to the very few mothers we knew who did seem to have it all together. I did a lot of research on it for myself and, with friends and family suggesting and encouraging, put together a book.

It's called 'Happy Mother Happy Family' and encourages mothers (or major care takers of young children) to grab back their life and start doing things for themselves. I haven't looked back since.

If anyone is interested in it - you can get it at Amazon, in some major bookstores and most other online bookstores.

Thanks once again Kiri.

http://kirstenbergen.jimdo.com

May 8
send a green star

Loo S.

3:35AM PDT on May 7, 2011

thanks for sharing.

May 7
send a green star

Elena A.

8:49AM PDT on May 6, 2011

Thx for sharing!

May 6
send a green star

NICKY M.

4:19AM PDT on May 6, 2011

I sometimes feel that I was SO lucky! I had my babies out in the Australian bush where there was no-one to guide me and no one to say I not doing THIS wrong, or THAT wrong and I should sterilize everything for my childrenI was a negligent mother for not doing a million other things that you are MEANT to do and allowed my children to do a million things that were meant to allow and I actaully used the 'NO!" word and the threat of the wooden spoon! The reason I said' LUCKY' is because I just had to go by instinct and my instinct said... Love and Love and Love some more and if you make a mistake, ADMIT it. Cuddle often. Demand breast feed. Carry your babies around on your back as you work and sing to them and laugh and expect them to help you with the housework when they are still in nappies ( They love it, if you make it fun!) and treat your children as if they are NOT made of china, and that they must devleop a healthy immune system by getting dirty.They need YOU to be the parent until they are old enough to be your friend. My house was full of dogs and cats and homely mess and toys everywhere and the children were always covered in dirt because they were always playing outside and collecting bugs and climbing trees.. but I MUST have done something right, as now, they are adults and we love each other to squeaky bits still and they are just the most lovely people that were ever on this earth! Just follow your heart you won't go far wrong! Worry spoils love!

Robert O.

12:36AM PDT on May 6, 2011

Very nice. Thanks.

Parvez Z.

10:27PM PDT on May 5, 2011

Thanks for sharing will pass it to my daughter

May 5
send a green star

Nerida N.

9:10PM PDT on May 5, 2011

You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. Thankyou so very much.

Lindsey W.

7:00PM PDT on May 5, 2011

thank you

Lin M.

4:59PM PDT on May 5, 2011

whew mom's have it rough..

Lu Ann P.

1:39PM PDT on May 5, 2011

pt 2 (sorry, but you asked Kiri!)
... venture back into work outside the home (who would want me? I feel damaged.)
When I was single I was adventurous and felt capable of anything. I met my husband after giving up a stable, good job and doing volunteer work 1800 miles from 'home'. I knew marriage to him would change it, he's more rooted than I ever could be. I figured stability would be my new adventure.
Having kids put a huge magnifying glass onto that. I imagine taking flight so much. Not bc I'm unhappy with them, just because I want to fly!
Each moment is new...
I know I need to re-frame my head, my self-talk Each moment is new is so valuable.
I doubt this is anything but gibberish but Kiri

THANK YOU

for sharing your world bc, even with the affectionate happy lil addition, even with my partner's amazing support, the "other" side of motherhood, the deep and true inside, is overwhelming. We need to share more with one another.