Facing the Fear of Old Age

Melanie Haiken, Caring.com

For many of us who are in the thick of caring for aging parents, spouses, or other family members, it’s enough just to get through the week. Looking ahead and making future plans can be daunting. We just don’t know what the picture will look like a month from now, let alone a year from now, or three years from now.

A recent post in the New York Times’ New Old Age blog tackled the difficult subject of how hard it is for older folks and their families to look forward to the decline and frailty that almost inevitably come with aging – unless sudden death intervenes.

Writer Paula Span pointed out that while many older people can talk about their wills or their funerals, they jump over the intervening years and the difficult subject of how the family should deal with their needs as their health and strength decline. Yet this is an important reality for us to try to face; most people are not, in fact, going to die suddenly of cancer or heart disease but will spend a number of years in an increasingly frail state of health as they move toward the end of their lives.

Following up on the NYT post, UCSF geriatrician Ken Covinsky writes in his blog Geripal that the danger of failing to study and talk about this life stage is that we overlook ways in which we can help frail dependent elders maintain a good quality of life. I thought a positive way for us to join this dialogue would be to think of some ways families can talk about planning for these last years of increasing frailty, so it doesn’t come as such an unexpected and unprepared-for event when things take a turn for the worse.

Facing the Fear of Old Age originally appeared on Caring.com.

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Read more: Alzheimer's, Caregiving, Family, age, fear, frailty

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Dee M.

11:46AM PDT on Jul 7, 2010

I am very lucky,i live next door to my daughter,and we do lots of things together, we rescue and feed a lot of feral cats ,right now i have 7 kittens that were rescued, and they are such a joy to watch, i have been blessed with good health,people think i am 10 years younger than my age, even my Dr ,remarks how good i look , i eat healthy food ,and i am always busy , and of course come from good stock lol , i hope i can be this active for a long time ,or at least till i am forced to have to stay put .think young age is just a number,

send a green star

Judy Y.

11:57PM PDT on Jul 6, 2010

This should be an article or petition for nursing home
residents rights. My Mother fell in her assisted living facility. She luckily had no fractures, but suffering from rheumatoid arthritis, develped a disolocated elbow and
two hematomas. She was admitted to the hospital and
on release ordered to a rehabilitation center for physical
therapy. My first choice of center had no vacancies and
the hospital wanted her OUT by morning. I had to place
her where there was an available bed because of the
large elder populatioin in Northeastern PA. Placed in a
nursing/therapy facility with a "very good reputation,"
I thought she would receive the best therapy possible.Being a teacher on vacation I attended therapy sessions with her and did not view progress because of
overcrowded conditions and neglect on the part of the staff. She was in a double room. Her room mate developed a bronchial infection. My Mother's immunity is low because of her condition and ENBREL
injections. The staff did not remove the other patient from the room or even call a physician. Insisting on a meeting with the administrator, I learned no physician
had been called for the other patient or medicines ordered to ease her endless deep chest coughing to which my Mom was exposed. I demanded a new room for my Mother. They showed me the new room. It was
not as attractive, but for a few days I determined she
was safe from infection. The administrator did NOT
inform me she was placing my Moth

Kelly H.

11:15PM PDT on Jun 10, 2010

good informatin. I felt for this couple

Fariha I.

5:20AM PDT on Apr 11, 2010

nice ..info

Lim Y.

10:41PM PDT on Apr 6, 2010

i fear death rather than aging.at least one can attempt to grow old with grace and wisdom...

Eco M.

7:11AM PDT on Apr 5, 2010

old people feel the same, just their bodies are getting old. same person more or less. just bodies. just like if had an accident, lost bit of body in accident. still same person!

Nadine L.

2:18PM PDT on Apr 1, 2010

My grandma died, 2 years ago. She was 101. I sometimes took care of her and taught my sons to do as well. My eldest son who was 12/13 at the time really enjoyed taking care of his great-grandmother and did it pretty well. She didn't want to be in a retirement home and she died in her home, as she wished and I'm glad it happened this way. Glad too that my kids had the time to know her, glad that they were taught patience, slowness, respect for the old through her. Thinking of you, Grandma. Love you !

Neil K.

3:32AM PDT on Mar 29, 2010

In the basic fear of old age, man has two very sound reasons for his apprehension—one growing out of his distrust of his fellowman, who may seize whatever worldly goods he may possess, and the other arising from the terrible pictures of the world beyond, which were planted in his mind, through social heredity before he came into full possession of his mind.

m3i zero

SL L.

7:37AM PDT on Mar 26, 2010

I took care of elderly parents, I personally don't want to live for a very long time. I say: who wants to live forever? like the song, but I don't. Youth is beauty in itself and your health is your wealth.

Past Member .

10:03PM PDT on Mar 24, 2010

enjoy every moment left.