If you can begin to see how your notion of spirit has been shaped by your early childhood, you can start to look at love as a mirror of the present instead of the past.
The intense desirability of another person isn’t innate in that person. Desire is born in the one who desires. If your underlying self-image is that of a helpless, unloved girl/boy, any show of power arouses incredible yearning in you. There is nothing wrong with this – we all project similar needs in our search for love.
Nor is there anything wrong with the bedazzled state of infatuation that you may have often sought. Each affair, real or imaginary, has a repeated message to offer you: “You are loved.”
It is the simplest of messages, but often the hardest to absorb. For spirit isn’t saying, “You are loved as long as your passion for this person lasts.” It is saying, “You are loved,” without any qualifications.
If you begin to gain insight and remove the obstacles that block your vision, spirit’s message will be awaiting you. There is infinite patience in spirit, infinite willingness to wait upon our attention. And one day, in your own time, you will notice.
I think that each wo/man you have loved is a tiny reminder of who you are. This isn’t solipsistic but a natural reflection of your needs. You aren’t judged by the love life you choose, since no one is outside yourself to judge – there is only you as the Self, looking at you from a different angle.
The Self looking at you is the primary relationship you bring into all situations. Realizing that, you will start to reduce expectations for other relationships. What do you really want from wo/men? Security, well-being, a sense of belonging? These are all available to you from your own Self, and your healing will be to fall in love with that Self.”
Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).