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The 7 DOs and DON’Ts of Arguing

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The 7 DOs and DON’Ts of Arguing

He still hasn’t fixed the broken doorknob. You forgot to tell him about the double-date you scheduled (rom-com double feature!), again. Before you know it, you’re having it out about everything you’ve every been mad about. But before you lose your cool and start slamming doors (how do you think that doorknob broke in the first place?), read up on these tips for fighting fair—instead of fighting to the death.

DO have it out face to face. This means truly face to face, not text to text or seething email to seething email. Go ahead, try to find an example of a time you had a fight over G-chat and had it end well.

DON’T avoid the fight. If something’s been bugging you—really? Dirty laundry on the bathroom floor, again?—eventually, it’ll come out. Choosing to let it out in a calm, constructive way will lead to a better outcome than waiting until you unleash on him in the hosiery aisle at Target (“Maybe you wouldn’t need new socks if you managed to throw the ones you have in the hamper!”).

DON’T state opinion as fact. Instead of saying matter-of-factly that your partner is disrespectful—a sure way to get them immediately defensive—pick an example and ease into it with an “I” statement: for example “I felt disrespected when you turned our backyard into a neighborhood petting zoo without asking me first. You know goats scare me.”

Next: More DOs and DONT’S of Arguing

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Read more: Dating, Love, Relationships

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Diana Vilibert

Diana Vilibert is a freelance writer living in Brooklyn. You can be blog-friends with her at dianavilibert.com, or tweet her at @dianavilibert.

56 comments

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9:53AM PST on Feb 29, 2012

My husband & I never go to bed until our argument is resolved. Why go to bed with someone you are mad at?

11:17PM PST on Feb 27, 2012

Thanks.

2:02PM PST on Feb 16, 2012

Thank you

8:42PM PST on Feb 8, 2012

thanks.helpful tips

4:21PM PST on Feb 8, 2012

never go to sleep when you are not talking to each other,when you wake up in the morning the angry feeling is still there,fix problems before you sleep,if possible

11:34AM PST on Feb 8, 2012

thanks!!

10:17AM PST on Feb 8, 2012

Good reminders.

3:31PM PST on Feb 7, 2012

easier said than done...But I still LOVE my baby. I Love you Danial Halvey xoxox

12:46PM PST on Feb 7, 2012

a sense of humor helps

5:14AM PST on Feb 7, 2012

Thanks.

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