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Ask the Loveologist: Finding Love

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Ask the Loveologist: Finding Love

I have been in several relationships over the last couple of years but nothing that has any sticking power. All of my friends have found a mate but I can’t seem to find a guy who wants to be in a long term committed relationship. They seem like a dying breed. Most guys that I date all seem to only want one thing and then they are gone. How can I find someone to love?

This is the age old question that has plagued single women from the beginning of time. In some ways it is more complicated than ever, as more and more people spend less and less time in social situations where they interact face to face with other people. In addition many of the women I meet who say they want to be involved in a relationship have not really looked at why they aren’t in one right now. Finding love begins with the work we do on the inside.

I always remember the line from this movie, The Wedding Date: “Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” When I talk with women about what they want in their love life, whether it is recognizing the patterns and similarities in our previous relationships or the acknowledging the fear and mistrust that keeps us from opening to seeing the love around us, the search for finding a partner usually takes us through some internal landscape where the journey teaches us to see the forest from the trees. The reasons that we often make the choices that work or don’t work for us in relationships are usually complicated, often generational and habitual. But they are always also within our control to change.

The question that I ask everyone to consider when they say that they are wanting to be in a new relationship is this one: What two or three qualities would you hope that a new relationship would bring to your life. Notice that I am not asking for a list of traits that the new mate must have. This is a much deeper question about how you imagine having a relationship fulfills your life. Notice also that I mention only 2 or 3 qualities because the truth is that we are lucky when our relationships can meet even those few needs consistently.

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


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11:03AM PST on Jan 12, 2014

Thanks for sharing.

1:12AM PST on Feb 27, 2013

Thanks for posting.

8:20AM PST on Dec 4, 2010

Sam.. just be you! Being the real us is gorgeous...
Smile, live and never forget.. there is someone for everyone.

thanks for the article...

12:00PM PDT on Oct 20, 2010

it's so hard to find a true love these days...

11:59AM PDT on Oct 20, 2010


4:58AM PDT on Oct 11, 2010

Love should makes the world go round! No trust NO love sorry, I am real.

1:49AM PST on Jan 29, 2010

i've noted, thanks so much :).

11:52AM PST on Jan 20, 2010

isn't it made a little too easy? I don't believe that it only depends on your attitude towards love and life whether you have or not a relation!

2:38PM PST on Jan 13, 2010

love is nice. but then again, sometimes it's torture.

7:27AM PST on Jan 10, 2010

thanks for the article

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

people are talking

thanks, may she have a long and happy life

Thanks for sharing.

Thanks for sharing


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