I have been in several relationships over the last couple of years but nothing that has any sticking power. All of my friends have found a mate but I can’t seem to find a guy who wants to be in a long term committed relationship. They seem like a dying breed. Most guys that I date all seem to only want one thing and then they are gone. How can I find someone to love?
This is the age old question that has plagued single women from the beginning of time. In some ways it is more complicated than ever, as more and more people spend less and less time in social situations where they interact face to face with other people. In addition many of the women I meet who say they want to be involved in a relationship have not really looked at why they aren’t in one right now. Finding love begins with the work we do on the inside.
I always remember the line from this movie, The Wedding Date: “Every woman has the exact love life she wants.” When I talk with women about what they want in their love life, whether it is recognizing the patterns and similarities in our previous relationships or the acknowledging the fear and mistrust that keeps us from opening to seeing the love around us, the search for finding a partner usually takes us through some internal landscape where the journey teaches us to see the forest from the trees. The reasons that we often make the choices that work or don’t work for us in relationships are usually complicated, often generational and habitual. But they are always also within our control to change.
The question that I ask everyone to consider when they say that they are wanting to be in a new relationship is this one: What two or three qualities would you hope that a new relationship would bring to your life. Notice that I am not asking for a list of traits that the new mate must have. This is a much deeper question about how you imagine having a relationship fulfills your life. Notice also that I mention only 2 or 3 qualities because the truth is that we are lucky when our relationships can meet even those few needs consistently.