Finding Your True Self

The ego thrives under the following conditions:

You get what you want. Others agree to follow your agenda. There is a sense of self-control. Right and wrong are clearly demarcated. Nobody crosses the line between right and wrong. You name the conditions of loving someone else and being loved in return. Anyone who agrees with you is showing that he/she loves you. Someone who obeys you feels safe. Someone you must obey feels unsafe.

Ironically, these conditions for making your ego happy turn out to make who you really are very unhappy. There is no joy in being in charge, no love in controlling others, no expansion in defending the line between right and wrong.

So seductive is the ego’s story, however, that countless people pursue happiness in the ways described. And they may even achieve perfect self-discipline and power over others, but in so doing they will sacrifice their true selves.

To find your true self, you must surrender to it, and the best way to do that is to surrender to another person. This doesn’t mean that one ego gives in to another ego. That would indeed spell defeat. Instead, you share with the other person the truth about yourself.

You want love without limitations. You want to feel safe. You want to express yourself creatively. You want to expand in joy. You want to be free. Your highest wish is for unity in a state of perfect peace.

When you can share these deep desires with another, what happens? The world will reflect your level of consciousness. In this case, the reflection comes from one other person – the one who shares your truth.

However, the secret isn’t to surrender to another person, or even to each other. You surrender to the path. It is a path you share. You commit to wherever the path is taking you. In this way you give up your ego-centered perspective. Your focus shifts to the space between you and the one you love.

Adapted from The Ultimate Happiness Prescription, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2009).

Read more: Deepak Chopra's Tips, Spirit, ego, surrender, true self

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

beverly g.

5:53PM PDT on Jul 12, 2010

not sure about this one.

send a green star

Sally S.

10:12AM PDT on Jul 11, 2010

Wonderful!! I loved it.

Walter G.

8:43PM PDT on Jul 3, 2010

opinionated differences drive us forward. Controlling people and events stifle that progress. We do not, however, need the current social and political chaos around us. How to escape the chaos? we'll never know until we have dialogue with our so called leaders, and they have not been listening since 1918!

Carole P.

9:26AM PDT on Jul 3, 2010

"surrender to the path" That is what I know but sometimes forget. Thank you for reminding me.

12:24PM PDT on Jul 1, 2010

Excellent reminder, thanks!

KS G.

5:48AM PDT on Jul 1, 2010

Thanks for the info

Bon L.

5:08AM PDT on Jul 1, 2010

Thanks for the article.

Holly B.

3:15AM PDT on Jul 1, 2010

Thank you for the post, it was very interesting. When I get a partner I will remember this! :)

Janice L.

10:36PM PDT on Jun 30, 2010

"Sharing those deep desires with another" that's what I want in a relationship.

Nicole S.

9:17PM PDT on Jun 30, 2010

Thank for for this, it brings up alot of wonderful points to consider. The one lesson I end up with at the end of this post was that while I like the people in my life who agree or obey me, I really care for and have a loving respect for the people who have enough courage to disagree with me/offer conflict/question me/give critique. If you are a fair weather friend that's fine, there is always room for that, but I can truly bond and grow from a person who takes the time to connect with me good and bad, alike and apart. No one wants a yes man/woman all the time. Thanks!