Forget ‘Not Enough’ Or ‘Too Much’

All you have to do is turn on the television, check out a magazine, or log onto the internet to realize that the media is blasting us with the message that we’re somehow “not enough.”

Coming at us from all sides are messages that we’re not pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, popular enough, skinny enough, successful enough, healthy enough - whatever enough.

But then if you step it up a notch – really pump up the volume – you get the opposite message. “No! Now you’ve gone off and overdone it! Now you’re ‘too much.’ You should be less intense, less honest, less sexy, less smart, less complicated, less personal, less talented, less ambitious, less dramatic, less emotional, less fierce.

Where Should You Be On The Dial?

The message being sent is that somewhere between “not enough” and “too much” is a perfect setting on the dial that every one of us should emulate – maybe a perfect 7 or something.

Well, I’m here to tell you that’s total bullshit.

Here’s the real truth. If life is a dial from 1 to 10, some days you’ll be a 1. Others you’ll be an off-the-charts 11.

And that’s just perfect.

I Am Not Enough

I know how it feels to be on both ends of the spectrum. I feel pretty good about myself when I’m doing what I do best. But when I stray out of my narrow zone of genius (into, for example, the scary, nausea-inducing world of internet marketing or the even-scarier challenge of making any extension of my hand – like a tennis racket or golf club – hit a ball), I instantly feel like I’m lacking. Even when I’m pinching myself, living in the world I always dreamed of being in, like when I spoke at the Hay House Ignite conference and was surrounded by beautiful, famous, talented visionaries, I found myself numbly stirring my Perrier, wondering why I was the only one at the private cocktail party not talking to Louise Hay or Wayne Dyer or surrounded by a crowd of gushing authors. Was I not interesting enough? Not popular enough? Not pretty enough?

No matter how much I become, I always have moments of self-doubt and insecurity, during which I second guess my value in the world.

I can listen to my Inner Pilot Light, who is my biggest cheerleader and who is absolutely certain I have value in this world just because I’m a spirit in a body who’s connected to All That Is and that’s exactly enough.

But in the stray moments when I’m not listening to the wisdom of my soul, I’m going to be a 1 on the dial and feel “not enough,” and that’s just how it rolls.

I Am Too Much

Other times, I feel pressure to dial it back, tone it down, be less… everything.

Truth is, I’m a lotta woman. I’m intense and passionate and emotional and occasionally gifted, and on my good days, I’m pretty fearless, and that means some people get scared shitless and run screaming in the other direction when I walk into a room.

I’ve had bosses who’ve asked me to stop over-delivering. I’ve had friends “break up” with me because I’m “too intense.” I’ve dated men who thought I was “too emotional” and exposed too much of my heart. I’ve dated others that told me I was awesome but I simply made too much money and they couldn’t handle that.

In fact, I’ve had coaches politely suggest I might want to turn down my dial to make other people feel more comfortable. It left me feeling like it wasn’t safe to shine my light.

Some days, I’m a 10 and that’s just how it’s gonna be.

Goldilocks Is A Fairy Tale

You remember Goldilocks? She ate the three bears porridge, sat in their chairs, and curled up in their beds because she was testing to find which version was “just right.”

But there is no “just right” version of you. Wherever you are on your dial in this moment is exactly where I want you to be.  You’ll have 2 moments and 9 moments and smack-dab-in-the-middle 5 moments. Some days, you may even have a 1 moment and a 10 moment right next to each other.

And that’s okay. Just feel what you feel. Be who you are. Rest comfortably in your 1-ness or your 10-ness or wherever you are in between.

Don’t judge where you are. Don’t make one setting better or worse than another. Just be with what is and let that be “just right.”

Where Are You On The Dial?

How are you feeling right now? Are you “not enough?” Are you “too much?” Can you manage to be comfortable with exactly who you are, how you show up in the world, and whatever level of confidence or sparkly, splashy brilliance you radiate into the world?

Share your thoughts.

Making peace with my dial,

****

13 comments

Elisa F.
Elisa F.2 years ago

We ARE enough :) Thanks for sharing.

Ainsley Chalmers
Ainsley Chalmers3 years ago

God loves us whether we are a zero or a 10. He just wants us to trust him more. The worst thing we can do is compare ourselves with others. we all have our strengths and weaknesses in different areas.I will never be a Tiger Woods on the golf course but in the medical research lab I'd probably leave him way behind.

Bonnie M.
Bonnie M.3 years ago

Why buckle under societal standards- whether you are or are not good enough?
Isn't it simpler to be just who you are, not trying to measure up to amnyone - what do you care? Or ask the other question- do they really care after you are out of the room, there wilkl always be someone else to judge.

Roberta K.
Roberta K.3 years ago

For most of my life, I've felt not enough and when I wanted to stretch out to be enough, allowed others to stop me. Right now I'm in a situation where I feel constantly belittled and until I can find my way out of it, the not enough will triumph. The good thing is that I've realised it; now, I've just got to do something about it.

Jane Barton
Jane Barton3 years ago

"Well, I’m here to tell you that’s total bullshit."

And I'm here to tell you that you are 100% correct. It's high time we all listened to our OWN inner gut feelings because they never steer us wrong. We were all born with an innate ability to know what is right and we don't NEED to listen to OTHER peoples' visions of reality.
The "media" and all "religious cults" are blasting us constantly because they are SELLING something we don't NEED for MONEY. They tell us we "aren't good enough" and we're "filthy
sinners" so we will BUY THEIR BULLSHIT. Brainwashing by the "media", "society" and "religious cults" is the CAUSE of those moments of self-doubt and insecurity. We have to fight these snake oil salesmen every day of our lives because we "ARE good enough" and we
AREN'T filthy sinners. How many of us have raped anybody, killed anybody, stolen 1.6 million from AIG like Newt Gingrich, started a bloody war that horribly killed millions, lusted for their neighbor's WIFE? Aren't we DOING THE BEST WE CAN in this HORRIBLY COMPETITIVE SOCIETY? How is it that MARTHA STEWART went to jail and NEWT GINGRICH STOLE 1.6 MILLION FROM the AMERICAN PEOPLE WITH INSIDER TRADING
and HE GOT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT?????? What's the moral of THIS story?


Bruce K.
Bruce K.3 years ago

I feel the same going to the doctor when I was 30 and younger they would say "Don't worry about it your young" and magically overnight "Well, at your age....."

ii q.
g d c.3 years ago

tough being a perfectionist! :-(

Jennifer C.
Past Member 3 years ago

Thanks.

Bob P.
Bob P.3 years ago

thanks

Carol Ann O.
Carol Ann O.3 years ago

Self improvement is good, when I do not strve for improvement I am limited to nothing new.