Throughout the years that I was trapped in the hellish lie of isolation, I simply could not cultivate anything I recognized as freedom. Coming out of the closet as a lesbian, mothering in a way that felt true for me, and standing up to people who treated me badly were all freeing experiences, but nothing ever left me feeling truly free. I made movements toward it but never once came even close to the peace and calm and knowing that has settled into me of late.
I can see now that for many years, I’d been frantically and unsuccessfully trying to tap a dry well. I was profoundly disconnected from my Source, walking around in the world trying to solve this on my own. I felt alone and searched endlessly for ways to be better, stronger, smarter, more powerful, more attractive, more… whatever I would need to be for my needs and desires to be met. I tried to be “good enough.” I gave the pursuit everything I had, literally, and came up more and more short with each attempt. I was moving away from freedom, becoming more restricted and hurt and afraid.
I could not have tried any harder to cultivate freedom, and I had undeniably failed to do it by my own hand. I tried so hard that I was exhausted by the near constant battle in my head. Perhaps that was the genius of it all. I was finally weary enough, broken down enough… to be still. I was done. I had no more ideas or impulses or game plans, so I just stopped. I surrendered.
I turned off the television and turned on music that moves me. I spent time connecting with human beings, truly connecting. Not strategically. Not with the goal of fixing anything that was broken about my life. I just connected, intentionally, with the ones who crossed my path. I supported them and allowed myself to be supported by them. I laughed and listened and loved the experiences that were coming into my world.
And I simplified my life. I focused on this again and again because, for over a year, every time I meditated or prayed or asked for guidance, that was the only message I received: Simplify your life. So I did my clutter-clearing class along with my students. And throughout the three weeks since the current class started, as I simplified my space, I began to hear little whispers. The directions have been simple–read this, watch that, talk to this person, give thanks–and I’d heard them all before but suddenly, I had the space in my home and schedule and soul to do what I was being invited to do as the messages came through.
Everything has shifted. As I focus on my connection with others, I’ve begun to be able to release the obsession with my unmet needs, and I am suddenly reconnected with the worlds above. This morning, in a meditation, I traveled there and felt perfection, the unbroken reality of Truth. Then, strangely, I returned to sit in this physical world but was still able to delight in the bliss of the love place. The distance between these two places collapsed and I now am carrying with me the knowing I gained there—that I am tightly woven into the fabric of all that is, and everything is good.
The sense of peace is strong. The desires to serve, heal, and connect move me deeply. The fear and inward focus and shame are gone.
From here I see that we needn’t worry with how to get what we need and desire. Instead, let us celebrate what has already been revealed. As I run my finger tips across the hand-stitched brilliance of the quilt beneath me, I feel like I haven’t seen it in years, the magic and inspiration pulse with my heart beat and I take in the gift of this creative energy.
It is not that I didn’t know this before, this practice of celebrating what is, for we’ve all most certainly received this reminder hundreds, if not thousands, of times. But in this moment, I am able to experience it… to do it… or perhaps, to be it. I feel peace about life as I am experiencing it today. It was not a decision, though–some reluctant, way overdue awakening I’d previously, stubbornly, refused to have. I wasn’t holding out before now, refusing the great wisdom being presented to me.
Rather, this shift is simply impossible to make without access to the higher place. Being connected with the Divine allows me to feel and behave more divinely. I have seen what I am part of and now, and so I can be it.
I was never passionate enough about finding my car keys or paying bills on time or having my space dinner-party-ready to take the kind of action I’ve taken to simplify my life. I never even wanted to live a healthier lifestyle badly enough to take the action. But my dream was worth it. My dream of being more intuitive, creative, and passionate was worth it. Being able to hear the whispers and having the courage to act on them was worth it. Being emotionally, spiritually, and physically available to my wife and children was worth it. Beginning my journey as an energy healer was worth it. Living my life purpose every single day was worth it.
We are all being called to simplify our lives. It’s time to make space for what really matters–love, purpose, learning, healing and community. When I started really simplifying, it was the only thing I knew to do. Last summer, when I was called to guide others to do the same, I had no idea what was going to happen but I believed in my heart that it could cultivate the freedom we were searching for. It has. It does.
Simplifying your life does cultivate freedom.
This morning, eighteen full months after I received the call to take this journey, the miracles continue to unfold. That is why I keep doing it myself. That is why I created and continue to offer the clutter-clearing class, and coach and write about these experiences. That is why I keep inviting people who are suffering–people just like me who know they are here with a powerful purpose but who haven’t yet been able to heal the wounds that hold them back– to join me on this journey. Simplifying your life does cultivate the space you need to heal and grow and live the beautiful life you were created for.
Through the new year, you can pay-what-you-can for my Sick of Being Stuck class (normally $199). If it’s time for your life to bloom, join us for this transformative journey. Visit SickofBeingStuck.com to learn more, listen to a sample group call, and register through the orange link at the bottom of this page. For information about private coaching, visit SeedsandWeedsCoaching.com.