“Grease” may be the word, but hairspray just might be the devil.

I was reminded of this last weekend, when during an audition for a musical review at my local theater, I was asked to sing a song from “Grease,” which I starred in my junior year of high school.

As the director and I busted out “Summer Nights,” I was transported back. I was amazed at how quickly all of the memories flooded back to me as I was once again performing with the exact dance moves and facial expressions that I had used in the show. I was amazed that I remembered such things after two years.

The rest of the day was filled with memories of Grease, from my poodle skirts, to the Pink Lady bonding, to the awkward instructions that my director gave us for the drive-in scene, and finally to my fastest-ever costume change: From “good” Sandy’s poodle skirt, collared shirt, and pony-tailed hair to “bad” Sandy’s high heels, black leather pants, tight shirt, hoop earrings, extra makeup, and volumized hair. Indeed, it took all of the pink ladies to get me done on time (well, actually, it was only “on time” after they added in an extra two-minute scene for the Burger Palace boys).

Looking back on it, I honestly don’t know how I made it through that final “bad Sandy” scene. My hair is quite thin, so there was no choice but to use extra-strong-hold Aqua Net to make it as voluminous as possible. But man, that stuff is the most chemically-filled substance I have ever been around in my life. I’m surprised I didn’t keel over on stage, or forget the entirety of my lines/song. I was instantly lightheaded and slightly giddy and I got a terrible headache. Plus, it smelled quite bad. Needless to say,

Point of the story: Hairspray is probably one of the worst possible hair products in terms of chemicals. In fact, many contain the ingredients that make Aqua Net so forebodingly terrible. I searched my room until I found said chemical disaster, and checked each of the ingredients. My discovery? Other than water, nearly every single ingredient in hair spray has at least “emerging concerns” regarding neurotoxicity, endocrine disruption, ecotoxicology, and organ system toxicity , according to the Environmental Working Group. Not sounding so good, right?

Well, dig a little deeper. Some of the ingredients are much worse. How about cyclohexylamine? Well, I had never heard of it, either. Turns out the Environmental Working Group ranks it as a 7 out of 10 as a chemical hazard. It is a known immune system toxicant and has proven to have effects on the brain, nervous system, and reproductive system at “very low doses.” Not to mention that it is on two federal regulatory lists: “Extremely Hazardous Substances” and “Regulated Toxic, Explosive, or Flammable Substances.” Lovely, no?

Well, add in aminomethyl propanol and sodium PCA and it’s really a party. Both show up under “contamination concerns” with nitrosamines, which are ranked as a high hazard and are strongly correlated with basically every medical problem that I have already mentioned. But add in cancer. And make the risk a lot higher. And add in the fact that it’s banned in Canada and by the European Union.

Our poor bodies. Who knew that a little bit of strong hold hairspray could decimate us so? Instead, how about going for some hairspray made by Aubrey Organics. I like their ingredients much better. Plus, no headache. A miracle, no?

Note to self: Immediate headache = probable bad outcome. Goodbye, Aqua Net.