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11 Ways A Caregiver Can Respond to Insensitive Comments

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4. Comment: Caregiving seems like a burden. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your life for your mother’s.
Caregiver response:
“I appreciate your concern, but I don’t think you understand why I’m doing this. If you have the time, I would love to try and explain it to you.” According to Laverty, if a caregiver wants people to understand what they’re going through, they should explain it to them in a calmly candid way. If you constantly feel like your friends and family “just don’t get it,” consider taking the time to describe your situation to them.

5. Comment: “You need to get a ‘real’ life.”
Caregiver response:
“I’d love to get on with my life—but I’m not sure how to do it. As my friend, would you be willing to sit down and help me figure out how I might be able to do this?” An offensive comment can be present a caregiver with a hidden opportunity to ask for help, according to Laverty. “Caregivers need to be far more proactive in their approach to things—less of a victim. No one is going to be ready to help you unless you help yourself,” she says.

6. Comment: “Why don’t you just put you mother in a nursing home? It would be better for everyone.”
Caregiver response:
“I can see how that option might appear to be the solution, but I’m afraid you may not know all of the facts of the situation.” (See explanation for number 4)

7. Comment: “Why do you visit your dad so much? He doesn’t even know you.”    Caregiver response: “As long as I know who he is, that’s all that matters. People need love and nurturing human contact, no matter what ailments they have.” Laverty points out that not much is known about what people with Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia are aware of. So a caregiver should never feel foolish for visiting a loved one who doesn’t remember who they are.

Read More:
Feel at Peace: Lose the Caregiver Guilt
Getting Caregiver Support When You Have No Time
Internet is #1 Way Caregivers Get Support

How A Caregiver Can Respond to Insensitive Comments originally appeared on AgingCare.com..

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42 comments

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12:40PM PST on Dec 3, 2013

caregivers need all the support that they can get. i take my grandpa to adult daycare. fortunately, his medicaid pays for all his daycare expenses so I take him there often to get respite for myself.

12:38PM PST on Dec 3, 2013

my mom who is an RN thinks that my job as a caregiver to my grandpa (who is her dad) is easy breezy. she thinks I only sit on my a$$ and watch tv. wow! my mom's got a lot to learn and she's not even taking care of him.

12:35PM PST on Dec 3, 2013

i'm a caregiver to my grandpa and a single mom on top of that. i needed to read this article. thanks!

2:36AM PDT on Aug 6, 2012

Ispeci pa reci.

1:07AM PDT on Aug 6, 2012

“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” Lao Tzu

2:37AM PDT on Aug 3, 2012

I found it best to simply steer clear of those people who didn't think before they spoke, it was too hard a job without idiots adding to the already stressful situation. I had to go to strangers for help, and thanks to them I didn't go insane myself, bless them for their help, I would have been lost without it.

2:29AM PDT on Aug 3, 2012

Thank you for this... it's all true. People sometimes have a hard time putting themselves in your shoes... or just minding their own business!

1:28PM PDT on Aug 2, 2012

The sad fact is that our government will pay to put your loved one in a "home" but refuses to fund home care even though it's cheaper and better for the patient. I write letters to my legislators trying to change the way we care for people in this country.

11:32AM PDT on Aug 2, 2012

Thanks

FYI Sorry friends,my profile is down (7/26/12) until care2 support
resolves their server issues.

11:13PM PDT on Aug 1, 2012

Bad questions need truthful answers.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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