You could be the most delicious sex goddess on Earth and still experience the occasional dry spell. It’s just part of the natural flow of relationships, sex, and life. But sometimes it can make you feel out of practice or—depending on how long it lasts—like you’ve regained your virginity. If yours goes on a little too long, here are a few tips to get you in the saddle again.
- Prepping your body. We’ll say it again: You’re fine just as you are. But sometimes a little beautification is the perfect ritual to get you ready for your close up. (A shocking pink snooch rarely disappoints.) Lotions, potions, shaving, waxing, whatever. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good in your skin.
- Prepping your bedroom. Has anyone been in it lately? Is it messy? Clean it up, clear it out, and make room for another person and an orgasmic boom. It doesn’t have to be a smoldering den of sex. Simply putting fresh sheets on the bed can give you a sensual starting point.
- Prepping your heart. Did it get broken? Did you shove it to the back of your bras and undies drawer and forget about it? Let’s fix that. If you feel heartache, vulnerability, mistrust, or nothing at all, perhaps it will help to talk. Friends and therapists have been known to work wonders. Trust us: Opening your heart again will help end the dry spell, but in order to do that you have to examine what shape it’s in and make peace with the past.
- Prepping your mind. Has the dry spell left you feeling insecure? Are you scared to be intimate again? Are you obsessing on what the sex will be like or what they’ll think of you? Avoid negative self-talk and try not to make up stories like you’re no good in bed. Like we already said, talking to trustworthy, supportive friends or a therapist can help boost your self-esteem and get you in a more positive state of mind. When you feel grounded and calm—and your mood is in a good place—that’s when you can start to picture yourself having really fulfilling (and maybe frequent) sex again.
- Prepping your punani. Before you do it, now is a good time to get tested for STIs, make sure you’ve got condoms on hand (and that they’re not expired), and have your well woman’s visit with your gyno if you’re due.
And if you’re in the middle of a dry spell, please remember that you don’t have to go without. This is actually a great time to explore what turns you on. Just don’t bail on your birth control. You never know when you’ll wind up in bed with someone, so it’s smart to be prepared by staying on your method.