How To Make Quality Gal Pals As An Adult

By Life Coach Kelly Rudolph for YourTango.com.

I have always been a very positive, outgoing woman but I’ve lived most of my life without positive female friendships. So, I decided to make a concerted effort to cultivate friendships with healthy, inspiring, communicative women, and here’s what I have learned:

1. Like attracts like. So, you must become the type of woman you want to befriend. To avoid needy women, don’t be needy. If you want confident friends, you’ll need to exude confidence yourself.

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This first step has great benefits because when you become the type of woman you want as a friend, you become your own first, positive female friend. Think about it. If you want to be around someone who is inspiring, has confidence, lives with purpose and has developed healthy communication, just think of the great company you’ll be in when you become that woman. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”

Becoming your own best friend is extra important because attracting positive female friendships may take some time. You may need to go alone to social functions occasionally until you attract the friends you seek. It will be much more fun and will help build your confidence if, in addition to feeling good about yourself, you feel good being with yourself.

2. Take your time and trust the process. Write down the characteristics you want in a friend. We already discussed a few good ones above so feel free to start with those. Then, visualize a fun lunch date at a coffee shop or a weekend getaway with your girlfriends. Maybe you’d like to begin with single female friends so you can bounce around dating strategies together.

Remember that friendship is a process. You will get to encourage and support your friends and they will do the same for you. Sometimes the conversation will be equal and sometimes it will be all about the one of you who needs some help. As you become the woman you want to be, this will become a piece of cake.

3. Trust your gut. Gut feelings are survival instincts we were born with. The job of our gut is to keep us alive. If that sounds a bit harsh for this topic, let me explain how your gut is vital to what we’re talking about.

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Since gut feelings (you may call them instincts or women’s intuition) came before logic and politeness, your gut is raw and true and will always lead you in the right direction. The only time we get into trouble is when we ignore or second guess our instincts. As a former personal safety trainer and self-defense instructor, I’ve always taught people to acknowledge, trust and follow thier gut feelings. It’s a three-step process just like cultivating positive female friends is. If you miss one step, the process won’t work.

Those are my three steps to cultivating positive female friendships and you may wonder why it’s all about you. That’s because it is. If we don’t currently have the type of friends we would like to have, something in us needs adjustment. It is truly that simple and I speak from experience.

I’m 50 years old and I have the best, most positive female friendships I’ve had in my entire life and they become deeper and more meaningful every single day. I know how important these friendships are to women and that’s why I do what I do at Positive Women Rock.

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For a community of Positive Women awaiting for your arrival visit Positive Women Rock to grab your weekly Positive Woman Tip along with a free eBook and audio book entitled, “Women: 5 Mistakes We Make That Give Our Power Away” and I will see you there!

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Got Girlfriends? How To Make Quality Gal Pals.

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63 comments

Amanda A.
Amanda Ashworth2 years ago

I have always found men to be more loyal and honest with me.

Latoya Brookins
Latoya Brookins2 years ago

One good way is to actually leave the house. I gotta remember that.

Connie O.
Connie O.2 years ago

I have found many lasting friendships through my Redhat chapter. Also, I find the older I get, and the more independent, the more easily I make friends.

Leuth Novotny
.2 years ago

These are three great principles & I'll add them to my stockpile! I'm in friend-hunt mode!!

Elaine A.
Elaine Al Meqdad2 years ago

FIND WOMEN WHO ARE SECURE WITHIN THEMSELVES AND DON'T FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO COMPETE WITH YOU OVER ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY MEN!

Winn Adams
Winn Adams2 years ago

Thanks

Debbi Ryan
Deb Ryan2 years ago

thanks

Jodi A.
Jodi A.2 years ago

They missed the part about reaching out. Its hard to find friends when youre shy and in a new town...

Kate S.
Kate S.2 years ago

I can appreciate what was said- I don't have many friends, true friends. I have two that I barely talk to but WE pick up where we left off every time. I live in a rural area so most people aren't driving by so it's easy to not get together often. I know who my friends are- am content with keeping the good ones and letting the questionable ones go.

Ruth R.
Ruth R.2 years ago

Noted, for now. People are sometimes friends for a short time to learn from one another.