How to Repair Your Broken Long Distance Relationship

By Brad Browning for YourTango.com.

If you and your long-distance partner have broken up, things may seem fairly hopeless. You may be running out of ideas, and wondering if it’s even going to be possible to win him or her back and remove that “ex” tag from their status. Granted, in some cases, it may be best to focus on moving on. But there are a few things you can do to increase your odds of rekindling the romance and winning your ex back, even when they live hundreds of miles away.

First off, there’s one very important thing you need to understand: you can’t convince your ex to take you back. I know that you may desperately want to reach out to your ex and tell them how much you still love them, and you may be tempted to beg for another chance, but trust me, there simply aren’t any words that can change your ex’s mind. That’s especially true if they live hundreds of miles away. Relationships and romantic attraction are natural, organic things. However, you can’t make your ex fall back in love with you using words; it has to happen on its own. So, no matter how badly you may want to call and say sorry or tell your ex how much you miss them, that won’t help your cause.

Where to begin the process of getting your long-distance girlfriend/boyfriend back will depend on two things:

1. How long its been since your breakup?
2. How serious was your relationship?

If it’s only been a few days or maybe a couple of weeks since the breakup, the first step is to go through a period of no contact. This means completely ignoring your ex for around a month or so. The point of this is to show your ex that you’re moving on, and that you’re not going to wait around and hope that your ex changes his or her mind, making it appear as though there’s tons of other people eager to take their place at your side.

More from YourTango: Be Happy In Your Long Distance Relationship

During the no contact period — and even after that, once you begin to talk with them again — you should be using social media, mutual friends, and any other means at your disposal to subtly convey messages to your ex. For example, since you want your ex to think your life is great and you’re already recovered from the breakup, you might consider posting some photos of you and some friends (preferably friends of the opposite sex) on Facebook. You may also chat up a mutual friend and casually mention that you’ve been dating a few other people and that you’re really enjoying the single life. Don’t make this attempt to incite jealousy or convey a message to your ex obvious; it needs to be subtle. But it’s definitely important to let your ex know, in an “under the radar” manner, how great your life has been since the breakup, and how quickly you’re moving on.

When it’s time to start talking to your ex again, I recommend beginning with a really fun, positive, and brief message (a text message, social media message, Skype message… even an email is OK). With this first message, keep it really short (no more than a few sentences) and make sure it’s fun, upbeat, and interesting. Don’t try to bring up anything serious, don’t start any drama, and don’t say something dull and meaningless like “hey, what’s up?.”

With this first communication, all you want to do is to get your ex to remember how much fun life was when you were there to talk to them every day, and hopefully get a reply. You may need to send this type of message a few times over the course of a month or so, making sure that you keep the conversations fun and interesting each time.

Depending on how your ex responds, and how things go from there, it will hopefully eventually lead to some curiosity and interest on your ex’s part, and help him or her let go of some negative memories and forget the reasons they decided to break up with you. Try to be “in control” of these conversations (meaning you dictate when they happen, what you talk about, and when they end). Keep it brief, don’t get carried away and try to talk your ex’s ear off.

Once you’ve re-established rapport with your ex, and had a few fun and interesting conversations via text message or online chat, then it’s time for either a Skype call / webcam chat or, ideally, an in-person meeting.

An in-person meeting is definitely preferable to a Skype or Facetime webchat, but if you do arrange to meet your ex in person, it’s crucial that you have legitimate excuse for being in their city. You don’t want your ex to think that you’re simply going to his or her hometown just to meet them. It’s always best to think of a legitimate excuse for being “in the area”, which will allow you to invite your ex out for coffee to “catch up” while you’re in town.

More from YourTango: Long Distance Relationship Advice

Keep your meet short and sweet (whether it’s in person or online via webcam). Make sure you”re friendly, upbeat, and positive about your life. Don’t talk about anything “serious” — talk about the NOW and talk about the FUTURE, nothing else.

You also need to add a little bit of a sexual element to it. No, don’t try and have sex with your ex in the coffee shop — but if the opportunity presents itself, build a bit of sexual tension. This is the time to flirt a lot with your ex. Hold eye contact for a little bit longer. Touch them a lot in a playful, flirtatious way. Talk about sexy things and maybe drop a ‘naughty’ inside joke or innuendo. If they’re being receptive to this, then really push it, but make it seem fun and do it almost in a joking way.

At the end of the day, you need to start building attraction again. After all, this is the essence and the backbone of relationships. So when you’re with your ex again, everything that you do must be focused on creating sexual attraction with him or her. That’s why in-person meetings with your ex will always be a lot better than online chats or phone calls. However you end up talking with your ex, remember that building attraction is the key to getting them to want you back, and you don’t build attraction by talking about the past or bringing up old drama. Attraction develops naturally when you’re having fun and you have good chemistry, so that’s the goal of all encounters with your ex.

More from YourTango: How To Fix A Relationship: 11 Conversation Templates

And finally, keep one very important thing in mind: no long-distance relationship can survive indefinitely; there needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel where you and your partner will live together and be together every day. It’s a lot more appealing for your ex to get back together with you if you only live an hour apart. On the other hand, if an ocean and thousands of miles separate the two of you, then your ex probably won’t be eager to start over again, knowing the same issues will continue to plague your relationship.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: How to Repair Your Broken Long-Distance Relationship.

1615 comments

Morth I
Morth I3 hours ago

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Morth I
Morth I3 hours ago

Am so excited that Dr Ikhine the powerful spell caster brought my ex lover back to me within 2days after leaving me for the past 6months I was frustrated until I met Dr Ikhine who help me to cast a spell that brought her back and now am so happy and my ex lover has just bought me a brand new car which he has never done before thank you very much Dr Ikhine for what you have done for me contact him on email agbadado@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2348056932230 and all your problem will be solved
once and for all.

Isabella
From
UK

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Patty Conlins
Patty Conlins25 days ago

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Victoria R
Victoria R1 months ago

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Myself and my husband has been estranged for over 1 year, and i tried all possible ways to make my husband come back to me but all my effort was in vain , just as i was about to give up i came across some testimonies from different women on how Dr Alex has helped them re_unite with their lover, these people advised we should contact Dr Alex if anybody ever need help to solve breakup issues, i immediately gave a message to Dr Alex and i told him how devastated i was been alone with the kids, DR Alex gave me assurance that my husband was going to come back home just as i wish, after varies of conversation,Dr Alex told me what he wanted to cast the spell so my husband could return back to me, I put all my best to provide what he needed and to my greatest surprise after he has done the spell successfully within the space of 3hrs after all
instructions given to me by this spell caster.
My husband contacted me over the phone and asked me how the kids were, he said that he loves me and promised never to let off me again, my miracle happened so sudden my husband is home with me and my kids, he begged me for forgiveness and promise never to hurt me. I am very grateful sir for the restoration of love in my fam

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