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How to Repair Your Broken Long Distance Relationship

How to Repair Your Broken Long Distance Relationship

By Brad Browning for YourTango.com.

If you and your long-distance partner have broken up, things may seem fairly hopeless. You may be running out of ideas, and wondering if it’s even going to be possible to win him or her back and remove that “ex” tag from their status. Granted, in some cases, it may be best to focus on moving on. But there are a few things you can do to increase your odds of rekindling the romance and winning your ex back, even when they live hundreds of miles away.

First off, there’s one very important thing you need to understand: you can’t convince your ex to take you back. I know that you may desperately want to reach out to your ex and tell them how much you still love them, and you may be tempted to beg for another chance, but trust me, there simply aren’t any words that can change your ex’s mind. That’s especially true if they live hundreds of miles away. Relationships and romantic attraction are natural, organic things. However, you can’t make your ex fall back in love with you using words; it has to happen on its own. So, no matter how badly you may want to call and say sorry or tell your ex how much you miss them, that won’t help your cause.

Where to begin the process of getting your long-distance girlfriend/boyfriend back will depend on two things:

1. How long its been since your breakup?
2. How serious was your relationship?

If it’s only been a few days or maybe a couple of weeks since the breakup, the first step is to go through a period of no contact. This means completely ignoring your ex for around a month or so. The point of this is to show your ex that you’re moving on, and that you’re not going to wait around and hope that your ex changes his or her mind, making it appear as though there’s tons of other people eager to take their place at your side.

More from YourTango: Be Happy In Your Long Distance Relationship

During the no contact period — and even after that, once you begin to talk with them again — you should be using social media, mutual friends, and any other means at your disposal to subtly convey messages to your ex. For example, since you want your ex to think your life is great and you’re already recovered from the breakup, you might consider posting some photos of you and some friends (preferably friends of the opposite sex) on Facebook. You may also chat up a mutual friend and casually mention that you’ve been dating a few other people and that you’re really enjoying the single life. Don’t make this attempt to incite jealousy or convey a message to your ex obvious; it needs to be subtle. But it’s definitely important to let your ex know, in an “under the radar” manner, how great your life has been since the breakup, and how quickly you’re moving on.

When it’s time to start talking to your ex again, I recommend beginning with a really fun, positive, and brief message (a text message, social media message, Skype message… even an email is OK). With this first message, keep it really short (no more than a few sentences) and make sure it’s fun, upbeat, and interesting. Don’t try to bring up anything serious, don’t start any drama, and don’t say something dull and meaningless like “hey, what’s up?.”

With this first communication, all you want to do is to get your ex to remember how much fun life was when you were there to talk to them every day, and hopefully get a reply. You may need to send this type of message a few times over the course of a month or so, making sure that you keep the conversations fun and interesting each time.

Depending on how your ex responds, and how things go from there, it will hopefully eventually lead to some curiosity and interest on your ex’s part, and help him or her let go of some negative memories and forget the reasons they decided to break up with you. Try to be “in control” of these conversations (meaning you dictate when they happen, what you talk about, and when they end). Keep it brief, don’t get carried away and try to talk your ex’s ear off.

Once you’ve re-established rapport with your ex, and had a few fun and interesting conversations via text message or online chat, then it’s time for either a Skype call / webcam chat or, ideally, an in-person meeting.

An in-person meeting is definitely preferable to a Skype or Facetime webchat, but if you do arrange to meet your ex in person, it’s crucial that you have legitimate excuse for being in their city. You don’t want your ex to think that you’re simply going to his or her hometown just to meet them. It’s always best to think of a legitimate excuse for being “in the area”, which will allow you to invite your ex out for coffee to “catch up” while you’re in town.

More from YourTango: Long Distance Relationship Advice

Keep your meet short and sweet (whether it’s in person or online via webcam). Make sure you”re friendly, upbeat, and positive about your life. Don’t talk about anything “serious” — talk about the NOW and talk about the FUTURE, nothing else.

You also need to add a little bit of a sexual element to it. No, don’t try and have sex with your ex in the coffee shop — but if the opportunity presents itself, build a bit of sexual tension. This is the time to flirt a lot with your ex. Hold eye contact for a little bit longer. Touch them a lot in a playful, flirtatious way. Talk about sexy things and maybe drop a ‘naughty’ inside joke or innuendo. If they’re being receptive to this, then really push it, but make it seem fun and do it almost in a joking way.

At the end of the day, you need to start building attraction again. After all, this is the essence and the backbone of relationships. So when you’re with your ex again, everything that you do must be focused on creating sexual attraction with him or her. That’s why in-person meetings with your ex will always be a lot better than online chats or phone calls. However you end up talking with your ex, remember that building attraction is the key to getting them to want you back, and you don’t build attraction by talking about the past or bringing up old drama. Attraction develops naturally when you’re having fun and you have good chemistry, so that’s the goal of all encounters with your ex.

More from YourTango: How To Fix A Relationship: 11 Conversation Templates

And finally, keep one very important thing in mind: no long-distance relationship can survive indefinitely; there needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel where you and your partner will live together and be together every day. It’s a lot more appealing for your ex to get back together with you if you only live an hour apart. On the other hand, if an ocean and thousands of miles separate the two of you, then your ex probably won’t be eager to start over again, knowing the same issues will continue to plague your relationship.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: How to Repair Your Broken Long-Distance Relationship.

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923 comments

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1:59AM PDT on Apr 18, 2015

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4:15AM PDT on Apr 13, 2015

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5:02PM PDT on Apr 10, 2015

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my name is lady DANI PANRYLON
i never believe there will ever be a solution to my relationship problem with my lover. my lover called terry panrylon threw me out of his house and brought in another lady who he now feels the only best for him. until one day i receive a phone call from a friend in the city that my man is going out on a date with another woman in town, i told her i am also surprise too, because since Jerry has left me he hardly think nor call me. so after some few days my friend called Martha called me and told me that she has found a man that is very powerful, and he is a great herbalist from Africa, truly we all knows that Africans are blessed with so much herbal voodoo powers which they use to help much people, so he told me that the man name is DR KUTI,that she will forward his email address for me so that i can contact him for help, so truly she sent me DR KUTI email address and i contacted him that faithful day. he mailed me after a great while that my man will be back to me if only i believe on his work,
so after 25hrs i receive a phone call from Jerry, and he started begging that i should please forgive him against all he had done to me.. he begged me of breaking my heart and letting the other lady a new heart. he promise me never to let go. now i and Jerry are now planning to get married as soon as possible. we are brought back with the great powerf

7:32AM PDT on Apr 10, 2015

I don't look backward... if there was a breakup, there was a reason for it.

5:02AM PDT on Apr 9, 2015

I am happy to shear my testimony to everyone , sometimes things you don’t believe can just happen. My name is Kate smith I am 34 years old i got married at the age of 27 i have only one child and i was living happily after some years i married my husband behavior became so strange acting weld little wile he packed out to another lady, I love my husband so much that i never dream of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure my husband come back to me but all i could do was nothing, going to different churches day and night i cried seeking for help on till i met a friend (Monica) who told me about Dr anu, who also help her when man in her life left her she told me, Dr anu is a great spiritual man that can be trusted I contacted his email address (anuspiritualhome@gmail.com) and i told him everything that happen all he said to me i should not worry that all my problems will be solved, that my husband is under a spell. He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did he said after some hours my husband will come back to me and start begging, everything Dr anu said happen i was surprised when my husband came back home and beg for forgiveness we are now together as husband and wife smoothly the way it is when we got married and we both live happily one's again thank you Dr anu i so much appreciate.

2:23AM PDT on Apr 8, 2015

Oh God! This article has attracted all the fake, money-grabbing 'psychics' who prey on the desperate.
IF YOU'VE LOST YOUR LOVER - MOVE ON. HOWEVER MUCH YOU CARE, S/HE WASN'T WORTH IT. YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT.
Moreover - no 'psychic' can reunite you happily with someone who's gone. These stories about how 'X' reunited people are exactly that. - stories. Don't waste your money.

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