How To Soldier On Amidst Criticism

When you decide to broadcast your life publicly – on the internet and in books – it comes at a price. While most of the attention I garner is preciously positive, some of it stings like the dickens.

This is relatively new for me. Prior to launching Owning Pink in 2009, I pretty much lived under the radar, and as a model student, well-behaved doctor, and keeper of secrets, I didn’t face much criticism. That all changed when I decided to live my life out loud, let my freak flag fly, and broadcast my triumphs and trials on the internet.

As it turns out, some people aren’t so thrilled about having a doctor out there talking about self-healing or a professional sharing deets about her sex life or a woman ranting from rooftops about what she believes is true. Some people would like to put a muzzle on me, send me back to managed care medicine, or strap me into an apron and ship me off to finishing school.

Some people must think that if they criticize me, maybe I’ll change how I live my life. Clearly, these people don’t know me at all…

In the process, I’ve learned two critical lessons, without which I wouldn’t be able to do what I do.

Number 1: The praise isn’t personal.

When people gush about how awesome I am, how much I’ve helped them heal, what a fabulous writer I am, how I’ve inspired them, and so forth, it’s really not about me. I’m just a mirror for how awesome THEY are and they’re unduly giving me credit.

Number 2: Neither is the criticism.

Similarly, when people lash out with their razor-sharp words, I know it’s not about me either. Once again, they’re seeing something about themselves in the mirror I hold up that isn’t so pretty, and instead of facing up to what they don’t like about themselves, they cut me down.

When You’re Selective About What You Believe

If you believe all the good stuff, you wind up becoming a narcissistic diva who eats only green M&Ms and insists that her silk sheets get changed daily. And if you let the bad stuff get under your skin, you’ll end up sniveling into your handkerchief until you finally pull back from putting yourself out there in order to protect your ever-thinning and bleeding skin. It’s impossible to stay grounded, compassionate, loving, and kind when you’re a demanding diva-from-hell, and it’s impossible to retain a healthy sense of self-esteem if you internalize the criticism.

You can’t pick and choose what you believe about what others think of you. If you’re going to be influenced by those who believe you’re the next coming of Christ, you’re also gonna have to accept that you’ve got little red horns and a pitchfork. When you let others mold your opinion of yourself, you’re giving away your power and consequently dimming your own light.

So How Do You Stay Sane?

To stay sane amidst the praise and the criticism, you must tap into what I call your Inner Pilot Light, that always sparkly, never extinguished, 100% authentic, inner healer within you who doesn’t take any shit but is also your biggest fan.

Basically, I think I’m pretty cool. Sure, I have my growth edges, and I’m pretty self-aware about my weaknesses. I try to improve the parts of me that are a work in progress, but I’m also my own biggest cheerleader, I hug myself often, and I have total faith that I will always land butter side up.

Sure, when my bread feels like it’s sticking to the gritty kitchen floor and picking up sand and dead flies, it’s easy to let the criticism of others seep into my thin skin. Which is when I have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and flip over to show my gritty, sandy, bug-ridden, buttery face to the sun.

And when my bread is rocking and rolling with extra jelly, I have to make sure I take the chance to pirouette and cartwheel, while tuning out those who want to hoist me on a pedestal.

At the end of the day, the only person whose opinion of me really matters to me is me.

That’s not to say I don’t listen to the wisdom, guidance, and critique of those I love, trust, and call upon to keep me on track. But even then, I only allow such feedback to come inside if it passes the filter of my Inner Pilot Light and gets labeled as truth.

So how can you keep smiling amidst the criticism of others?

Next: 5 Tips for Handling Criticism

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Mary J.

6:54AM PST on Jan 11, 2013

thanks

January 11
send a green star

Robert O.

12:52AM PST on Jan 10, 2013

Good article (I sincerely mean it) with a lot of truths. I can take criticism provided that it's constructive and not just an attack disguised as criticsm. I'm very careful about careful whose opinions matter to me since most ofthe criticm I get comes from people that hate my guts but act like they don't and pretend they care about what's best for me when in reality they only care about what's best for me only as it pertains to what's best for them.

January 10
send a green star

Kay M.

2:02PM PST on Mar 5, 2012

thanks.

March 5
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Kiana S.

11:26AM PST on Mar 5, 2012

It's important to stay grounded and centered. I'm lucky that I don't usually have to deal with a lot of irrational negative feedback, but when it happens it usually rolls right off. Thanks for the article!

Jay W.

1:39AM PST on Mar 5, 2012

i had that happen on care 2 this week while i get nice feedback most of the time i met a nasty person through this community who nearly had me packing up my gears and going home so to speak but then i realised there lashing out at me had more to do with how unhappy they were with themselves that they felt they needed to bring me down with them. it brought a smile to my face to realise i actualy didnt need this persons negativity and was able to shrug it off and keep going.

thanks for the article it just backed up everything i was already thinking and feeling

Mary B.

7:03PM PST on Mar 4, 2012

I have found that the more energetically open you become, the less interested you are in conflicts or personal dramas. Some people just seem to want to fight about near everything, and others believe everything is terribly personal and can't seperate them selves from what they believe so if you disagree with them they are offended.I've started to avoid them when possible and extract myself from the conversation as soon as I realize that all they want to do is steal my attention by pulling me into a power struggle.I've also found that real compassion arises on it's own when you've acknowledged your true feelings first. Trying to be compassionate by suppressing your true feels doesn't work for long, and tollerance does not mean putting up with bad behavior. It means making space to allow people to change, but first you've got to let it be known what is not acceptable to you.

March 4
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heather g.

2:21AM PST on Mar 3, 2012

Sometimes one reads an article that feels like a personal message. That's what I felt after the experience I had today and then reading this article.
I do know myself well and always used to be able to stand my ground very firmly and assertively. Now, I often find that difficult to do because some people I unfortunately need to mix with regularly often have unstable mood swings and shout and fight amongst themselves. They appear to be unhappy about their lives and, to me, appear not to have any self-respect. I can't bear shouting, so let them make a fool of themselves then disappear as soon as possible. Have also responded with : "You have the wrong person. I can hear you are very angry, but, regretfully, I don't feel like fighting." Then walk away.
I wear my heart on my sleeve but don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they have briefly upset me. I hope I never take on a miserable, aggressive personality....